Nerves are building.....

I hate this part! In my head I know it is ridiculous to get so nervous and worried when we are preparing to go for Isaiah's check up. My heart feels like it will pound right out of my chest all of the time, it feels as though I can't catch my breath when I have time to sit down and think. I feel on the verge of tears every moment, and grouchy seems such a small word...
In my heart I know God will provide for us. He will provide peace, if I will let Him, courage for us to hear what ever the doctors have to say, strength to get us through from today until we are done with all the tests and appointments. See, I know all these things, I even tell others these things. So WHY WHY WHY do I still feel so sick leading up to the moment we are done? I can barely eat or sleep. Yet, I know God has a plan and I know He got us through last time and the time before and so on...I know He will be holding us up and even carrying us along the way...knowing all those things doesn't seem to help my heart remember how to beat properly, or my lungs remember the correct way to take in and release air. I guess part of my problem is the opposite of Scott's, I force myself to look ahead. I play the "what if" game in my head. I have to feel prepared for all things. I have to feel like nothing they could tell us could ever take my breath away like it has before, I never want to feel like I will pass out cold in the office again, I don't functuion well in surprise situations where I have no control. That is how I feel every time we have to go back for a check up. I never want to be shocked by a prognosis or medical plan again...so, I drive my self absolutely crazy trying to prepare to not have that happen...I guess I am just a total mess...Thank goodness I KNOW that GOD LOVES ME so much (even when I am a total mess) but better than that right now, I know GOD LOVES MY BOY TOO!! Please pray for us... we will be back Wednesday. Then we will be going back up at the end of the month to meet with the orthopedic team. we were unable to get all our appointments scheduled into one visit this time around. BUMMER!