Friday, August 29, 2008

Happy Birthday #6 Samuel Isaac


Today is Samuel's 6th birthday. We greeted him this morning with the happy birthday song, sung by all the sibs who were home. of course singing at the top of their lungs, out of turn and seriously off key. fun non the less!

I made everyone birthday pancakes for breakfast, more singing, then off to school they went.

I will take popcicles for his class this afternoon. Tonight he will possibly open a gift or 2. He can't decide if he wants to wait for Sunday. On Sunday, Dominique will be here to celebrate Sam and Am's special days. We will have cake then....tough decision to make for a 6 year old.

Curious George is the cake he wants, Amaris will have a DQ ice cream cake.

Happy birthday Samuel. You are a big boy now! I love you.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

started this last night...completed today...

As I sit here on the computer counting the things I forgot to do in the past week. Darkness and silence of the night envelope me as I savor the peace and quiet that has settled in around me. The children are all tucked in bed, prayed up and should be dreaming by now. I love times like this when I have the peace to reflect on the day, the week, sometimes I have larger chunks of time to reflect on and other times smaller.

I feel myself slipping into a pouty mood, anymore it doesn't take much effort to bring forth tears that spill out the corners of my eyes. Leaving salty trails down my cheeks and tiny puddles on my leg.

Funny how reflection takes you places you haven't been before, to places you thought you'd never visit again, places you wish you could return to. Tonight I find myself reflecting on the job I have done (or not done) as a mom. How many titles do you have as a mom? You begin your journey through motherhood called Mommy, and if you are anything like me you will, at one point or another wear the title proudly whatever title they chose for the moment. Mommy, mother, mom, MOOOOOOOOM, mama. I have been known to answer to all of the above mentioned titles. I also have been known to respond to just about any random voice calling out "mooooom". Maybe not quite that bad, but seriously, when I hear that small voice calling out sometimes I don't pay attention to see if that voice belongs to me or another fellow mom. I can't help but to be sad at the thought of all those titles....Dominique wont ever call me Mommy or Mama, again....I can still hear his tiny little voice hollering from across the yard. Mommy....Now I will become mom, Ma, or Mother ( I don't like that one at all). I will lovingly answer to whatever title he chooses to use as long as he never calls me Angela! Soon, the rest of the kids will be following in his path...
Miles stones bring me to these reflective states. We are celebrating and (yes at times my celebratory mood is a bit reluctant but I am celebrating non the less.) many mile stones this year. The babe has championed his way through obstacles no one thought he could and has shown himself to be a true fighter and champion. He is such a blessing. I love to play with his sweet little curls as the spring out from under his blankie while he is all cozied up next to my chest trying to fight off the drowsy feeling that is comes over him while snuggling. He is a champ at the fight but eventually loses every time. He reminds me so much of Dominique when he was a babe. Funny how that can be, since there is no genetic link to speak of. First birthday. Soon we will celebrate adoption day and he will be forever my son. A day I will cherish in my heart.
Samuel started kindergarten. I see the subtle changes in him. Trying so very hard to be a big boy now. He was even sad when he got into trouble last night. If you know my Sam, then you know that is a new thing. ;0)
Amaris continues to amaze me. If you could ave seen her when she first came to live with us, and for those first couple years, you would clearly see the transformation that has taken place in her. I am so proud of her and the progress she has made. Protected by God....suits her perfectly!
Madison is on a journey towards healing. pray for her please. the road can seem long and lonely at times. but when she arrives the reward will be more than she can imagine!
Isaiah and Elijah are content to be where they are. Making me laugh daily!
Dominique....college student...young adult....independant....yes, he is all of those things and that turd respectfully requested that his mom NOT call him every day...I need another tissue please.
milestones. bless you, allow you to grow and yes at times cause you to cry. but with out them where would we all be?

Monday, August 25, 2008

presents too!

this pix with Madison was taken the day Zephan arrived in our home. Madison was not interested in photo taking today. So, I decided to add this one from that day.
The kids had a great time 'helping' the babe open his gifts.It was nice to have just us today, no big huge crazy party. Just family celebrating the amazing year this little guy has survived. Looking forward to many many more to celebrate.

First Birthday

Happy First Birthday Zephan Daniel!
Poor little guy is cutting 2 more teeth and has been miserable all day. In the midst of rocking and singing at the top of my lungs my very best rendition of Happy Birthday. I managed to make his first cake. And a little one for only him. MMMMMM the taste of frosting for the first time. I think he is hooked. UH OH I may be in trouble now.
It was nice Camel Gramma came up for cake and ice cream. Dominique came home to share in the festivities, and bonus for him I gave him a hair cut. The kids were happy to see him and he helped Zephan blow out his candle. ;0)
It is hard to believe that little Zephan has been with us for 7 months now. The difference in him then to now is unreal! He has come so far, with God's hand of grace protecting him every moment along the way.
I am so thankful that God chose me to be Zephan's second mommy. What a blessing it is to hold him and watch him grow.
Happy Birthday Baby...Happy Birthday!

Friday, August 22, 2008

moving day

Dominique and Elijah driving to college together.

Packing the car, can't forget the bass.

Sad, sad Elijah had to go with us to move Dominique into the dorms. Front of his building.
Living room area of the suite. Isn't he handsome???

Thursday, August 21, 2008

last night home

We watched a movie together tonight.



I keep telling myself I can do this. Then my heart begins to beat out of turn, a lump forms in my throat, and tears burn the back of my eyes. And my sweet boy says to me, "are you emotional mom? Do you need a tissue yet? Have the tears started? AND His friends keep calling him asking him how emotional I am now. It isn't funny! Can't a mom cry in peace??? Why am I doing this??? Mothers all over the world have been doing this for years and years. So, if they could do it, then what is my problem?


I realize I am lucky in that Dominique chose a school close to home. It is not about distance. It is all about letting go. I am not ready. I am not convinced I did a good enough job to send him off into the world without me. I want to go BACK in time not forward!


Close your eyes with me and see: the sweet face of a little boy just learning to walk toddling all over. Rocking on his bouncy horse Papa bought for him. Holding my dads hand in the middle of the night because in that tiny little boy heart he knew grandpa needed him. The summer he spent as Donatello the ninja turtle. His first daredevil trick at the age of 3 jumping out of an 8 foot high tree house because he KNEW he could fly. That same year he dove into the deep end of a 12 foot pool becasue he thought he was a dolphin. Then he was in kindergarten and I blinked and he was in 3rd grade. Tae Kwon Do was his thing, he was very good. Not many people know that before the club closed he became a second degree recommended black belt and was a junior instructor. shshshsh don't tell him I told you. My drummer boy. My artistic son. His heart is tender to those around him. He is crazy enough to try any trick on wheels. He broke an arm every February for 3 years in a row. I can't count the number of ER trips we have made. He has had several concussions. He is a hard worker. He loves his siblings even though he says he never wanted to be the oldest of so many! He is an amazing role model to them they love him very much. Now I must give him his wings and pray God's protection upon him.


Here are a couple classic Dominique moments.


When he was about 4 years old he fell outdoors and skinned his knee, I was cleaning it up and kissed his owie. He said "mommy, I am sad. very very sad." When I asked why. He told me "cuz mommy your kisses are broken, my knee still hurts." I think that was the first time he realized my kisses didn't magically make all things better.


One day he came home from kindergarten extremely dirty. From head to toe a mess. The first thing he said when he opened the door was."don't be mad mommy, remember a dirty kid is a happy kid!"


great now all my Dominique moments are jumbled up and mingling with each other and I can't see to type through my tears.


I am so very proud of you, son! Don't forget to come home and hug your mom once in a while.






Tuesday, August 19, 2008

what???

I know this is going to shock all of you...but, the quiet of the house is driving me crazy already!
Today is the first full day of the new normal around here. Just Isaiah the babe and me...it is unbelievable how quiet it is. I cleaned the entire house, did Isaiah's school and was done with everything before noon. We are going to have to come up with some projects to keep us busy, especially after Friday. If I don't stay busy after Dominique moves to college I just might cry all day every day. Ideas anyone???

Monday, August 18, 2008

I made it!

It is hard to believe I made it through this crazy day!!!
First day of school breakfasts, first day of school outfits, first day of school blues for kids and mom too. Waking the children, getting them cleaned up, fed, and clothed properly for the day. Scooting the eldest out the door for his first day of work. waiting for the bus to pick up #2. Went up to the school to cheer for the teachers and students as they arrive on the first day, greeting many familiar faces, and some news ones as well. realizing for the first time in 4 years I had no time to bake cookies for the teachers yet...add that to the list for the week...
So good to see some new-old faces up at school this year....Mrs. Johnson...always brings warmth to my heart and a smile to my face.
Run home, send Scott and Isaiah off to golf...run to the high school to pick Madison up for a med-check appointment only to learn that we can accomplish absolutely nothing at said appointment because the doc who did her testing over the last few weeks failed to get reports to doc. SO....nothing gained but wasted 3 hours of time....gas in the van....and Madison missed 2 hours of the first day of school. NOW we get to make another appointment and try again....meanwhile, we are totallly not on stable meds right now which is never a good plan but much less so for the first week of school.
Run into the store to grab milk, which I ran out of this morning, dropped Madison back off at school, ran home, fed the babe, ran up to school with Sam and the babe for Kindergarten hour with Mrs. Perry. Had a blast watching Sam trying to be a big kid for a change....is there a ray of light at the end of Samuels tunnel???? could be.....
Stopped by Camel Grammas to pick up a package for Dom, Got home, fed the babe, cooked dinner, cleaned kitchen, gave baths, read books, did home work...yup...home work on the first day of school...ironed clothes....prayed and put kids to bed....big sigh....nope the babe is still fussing....better go I have more rocking to do....sleep will arrive later.
BUT....I made it through the day...Yeah for me! HOw was your first day of school???

Samuel's first day of Kindergarten

Samuel started his first day off with toast and apples with a glass of milk. Go figure! Out of anything in the world he could choose for breakfast, he chose toast!
I love this book! It is wonderful that the kindergarten teacher reads it to all the children on the first day!
Our school has a nice tradition of having the kindergarten children come to school for one hour with a parent on the first day of school, we take a tour, meet the teachers and other adults in the building, hear a story, write an all about me paper and color a picture. Then the second day of school is the first full day for the kindergartners. I love that!
Samuel had fun at school today, he was a little confused about the school supplies, he thought they were his to keep in his backpack and haul around all year...he was not very happy to give them up and made sure he let me know on the way home.
He told me, "well, today was a lot better than I expected!"
Good Sam I am glad....now what about tomorrow????

first day

Amaris is excited to be in second grade and so happy to see al of her friends!
Elijah's nerves have kicked in, mom had to make a quick exit before the tears started to flow. Third grade is different than last year. He will be ok.

breakfast and the first day


First day of school breakfst...Amaris is clearly less than happy to be up and eating so early. But she did enjoy her cinamon raisin toast and chocolate milk shake. Elijah was very excited this morning which is a total answer to prayer, cuz usually he is very sad on the first day! He is growing up...toast and a milk shake. Isaiah was very happy to eat Honey BBq chicken and a milk shake, then it was off to the golf course with Dad. Madison had to catch her bus at 7am and decided to pass on the milk shake this morning but enjoyed her toaster strudel.

Dominique's breakfast

Dominique this morning preparing to leave for work. He moves into the dorms on Friday. But, since today was the first day of school for the others, he got to pick breakfast too.
Garbage pizza and ranch dressing. Hvae a good day at work Dominique!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

last day...first day


Today is the last day of summer. At least it is for the kids on my house.
Dominique, Isaiah and Elijah are all swimming their last afternoon away.
Madison has been bouncing around all over the place. Sam and Amaris got up way too early for church this morning so they are napping the afternoon away.
This afternoon Dominique is taking Isaiah and Elijah to the new Star Wars movie. Tonight we are going to the back to school prayer service at church. I love that we pray for our kids and anoint them before they even step one foot out our door. They will be completely covered for sure!
After church we are having Jimmy John's sandwiches instead of pizza.
The kids all have their first day of school outfits laid out, backpacks filled, and their traditional breakfasts ready to go. Lets see this years line up is:
Dominique yes even though he is going off to college I still let him pick whatever he wants for breakfast his first day, true to form...garbage pizza was his choice along with a grape soda.
Madison, toaster strudel and a milk shake. ack!
Isaiah, honey BBQ chicken and a chocolate milk shake
Elijah toast and a chocolate milk shake
Amaris raisin toast and milk
Samuel cheerios and milk
It is so funny to me that some of them don't take advantage of the "whatever you want" part of the deal. It is still fun though!
I will take pix and post about everything later!
Please pray for the kids they are a bit nervous and Lij always has a hard time going back to school after being home with his family all summer. He is a family boy.
I will be baking lots of cookies tomorrow for sure!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

psalm 31:14-15
14 But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, “You are my God!” 15 My future is in your hands. Rescue me from those who hunt me down relentlessly.

Everything that is good and perfect comes from God.
God is:
never failing
keeper of His promises
keeper of His Word
will not foresake us
Truth
giver of Life
Never will leave us.

As I travel the road of changes in life, sometimes I find myself off the road and traveling a trail. God saves me from the dangers of those uncharted trails and wandering aimlessly through wilderness. There are times I can not see why things happen the way they do. But, God is still there, God is still God. He is ever patient with me as I reason with Him through my human heart. His compassion and love brings me back home to Him.
I am growing in my walk with Him. I am learning to give all my joys, all my worries, all my dissappointments, all my goals, and my dreams over to Him. I lay them all in His mighty Hands. What a comfort it is to know that I do not need to know what is coming next on this crazy road I travel, I do not need to understand all the whys and hows of this road. Because God knows where my feet will land on every next step I take. I may get off onto some trail every now and again. But, He will lovingly guide and yes, sometimes carry me back to the main road of His plan.

Monday, August 11, 2008

last minute stuff

This is our last week of summer. The week will be filled with last minute things.
Last minute bits of fun in the sun with the kids.
Last minute school supplies.
Last minute trips in to the doctors.
Last minute paper work for schools.
This is always a bitter sweet time of year for me. I love the time I get to spend with the kids all summer. Sometimes by this time we are all ready for more structure and predictability in our lives. Soon our time will be filled with football practice, piano lessons, homework, and many other activities.
Soon we will be moving Dominique into the dorms....
This is a season of change for me. Some changes I am welcoming with open arms, some are more difficult to embrace. In the end I think change will be good for all of us.

Friday, August 8, 2008

and the name is....



ZEPHAN ~ hebrew for TREASURED BY GOD
Zephan Daniel....

Sunday, August 3, 2008


tears are the words my heart can not express.