here is the deal
I am a mom. A mom who fails daily. Every single day I mess something up with at least one of my precious children. the very same children I prayed for and was chosen to parent. Adoption fostering or birthing it really doesn't matter. I mess up equally on all. there are days when I fall into my pillow and weep. literally weep tears of failure and frustration. I am not a perfect parent nor do I wish to be. here is what I do wish:
I wish that my journey may be a light unto the path of parents coming along after me. that my mistakes and failures would guide them in a direction more productive one with less pain and fewer tears.
I wish that my love for my children would guide them to healing. healing the wounds of their pasts.
I wish that love alone was enough to mend the wounds of trauma and time and the cruelty of this world
I wish that all of my children would be soothed by the rocking of my embrace
I wish I was as wise as the wisest of all and that my mistakes would fade into the watercolor memories of time and only my success become vivid pictures of who I am to them in the future.
I wish always used an even tone of voice and lovingly corrected and reassured my children EVERY SINGLE TIME but I don't. folks, I DONT. sometimes I cry, sometimes I yell, sometimes I lose it and the mess of emotional puddles of my children that I am forced to repair and rebuild devastate me. break my heart. BUT
part of this is being real.
I am being real here. I am a mess of imperfection who is trudging through this journey of mothering the best way I know how. I do not ever want to mislead anyone into believing that I have this whole thing figured out. Sometimes I hit a home run but honestly those are rare.
the beauty of imperfection is that I always have another day another chance at making it better, repairing the broken finding beauty in the midst of a mess. every day I chose to do better to be better and show better. every day I wake up look at my reflection in the mirror and give grace, a second chance and I chose to move forward learning from yesterday and praying I have learned something praying that my journey would be used for good and not to harm others.
