Yesterday was Elijah's birthday. We began the day with bitter cold and a flurry or two. Nine years ago when he was born we had a blizzard. It is hard to believe he is NINE years old already! My heart stopped for a moment today when I answered the phone and on the other end a sweet tiny little voice said..."Hi, this is ----- is Elijah home?" It was a little girl from his class at school and they talked and laughed and giggled on the phone for a good half an hour. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS!!
We have had a busy week of conferences for all the monsters...I love our teachers at our elementary school. They are the best of the best!!!
Tomorrow night is FPNO #2. I am looking forward to a night filled with fun and giggles and games. I will update this weekend.
Tonight we let Maditude go to a friends house for the night....dangling a carrot to encourage her to make different choices. Do you think it will work? Or bite me in the ----??? We will have to wait and see.
CASA is moving along...
This may sound crazy...but I have been deeply desiring to go back to school lately. I know. I already have so much on my plate....but I really would LOVE to go back to school and become somebody....maybe when I grow up...
I have a dumb camera that will not allow me to take photos no matter what I try...I am bummed cuz I have missed so many great photo ops!
I am so tired right now my eyes are beginning to cross. So.....good night for now and I will be back soon!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
It has been too long, I know...
The Burrito and I flew out to California on Monday Feb. 9 with Camel Gramma. What a week we had. IT began with the Burrito have a difficult time on the plane so much so that he headbutted me in the face bruising my cheekbone (it is still sore to the touch today...crazy!)
One would think and possibly even expect that when a family member passes on certain things are just understood to happen....all my 'understanding' was challenged this week. Why is it that death brings out the ugliness in people? Should it not bring families closer together? Not push them further apart? I mean really....are possessions truly that important? Who really cares what is left behind? I just do not get it. Why would people rush into a deceased persons house and swipe all the valuables before family arrives? What makes a possession valuable anyway? Isn't the value on the heart of the owner? I seriously could look at a million dollar piece of art and think to myself...."I wouldn't hang that in my garage let alone pay that kind of money and hang it ion my home." People and their selfishness amaze me....I don't know why. Maybe because my heart wont allow my mind to operate from that plane.
I ran the full gamut of emotion during the course of our week in California. Sorrow for the loss of an aunt whom I dearly loved and many fond memories of from childhood. Frustration at the speed (or lack there of) at which things were getting (or not getting) done. Anger at my aunt for wasting the precious gift of life that someone else s family lovingly and selflessly gave in order that she may have a longer life. Sadness for her that she had so little self worth and such deep rooted depression that she could not rise above life's difficulties and survive. which brings me to another question I ponder.......what makes some people survive thrive and grow stronger in the presence of adversity and others crumble beneath allowing themselves to be eaten by the darkness of the situation? Anyway....There were precious moments when I would find lying in the midst of the filth and dust a memory in solid form to which I could hold and feel. A memory from years gone by of the aunt my heart adored and admired as a child. I held tightly to those moments through the week.
The task was huge and the hours to accomplish it were few. She had been sick for years and depressed for as long. Her home had never been cleaned...no exaggeration....use your imagination because the sight and smell we walked into was so awful I could not bring my self to photograph it...We were forced to wade through layers and layers of dust to get to things....I had a system first I cleared out her back room in order to use it for a donation. Front lawn was trash....front room was keep....back room was donate. And the week went on. By Friday the mission was complete. Now we needed to decide if we were to rent a truck and drive the keep items back to Iowa for my mother or ship the items or store them for later pick up. Horrible weather in the mountains made our decision easy. No driving. Saturday we stashed Mother's treasures in storage and our mission was complete.
No time to stop and enjoy the beauty that surrounded us. I drank in moments here and there. Taking mental photographs.
Friday evening my dear cousin drove up from San Fransisco for a visit....the time went by far too quickly. The Burrito loved her too!
There are moments that are just too awful to record and some that were too small.
Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers while we were gone. Its good to be home. I missed my monsters fiercely and brought home a little monster who will NOT leave my side...YIKES!
One would think and possibly even expect that when a family member passes on certain things are just understood to happen....all my 'understanding' was challenged this week. Why is it that death brings out the ugliness in people? Should it not bring families closer together? Not push them further apart? I mean really....are possessions truly that important? Who really cares what is left behind? I just do not get it. Why would people rush into a deceased persons house and swipe all the valuables before family arrives? What makes a possession valuable anyway? Isn't the value on the heart of the owner? I seriously could look at a million dollar piece of art and think to myself...."I wouldn't hang that in my garage let alone pay that kind of money and hang it ion my home." People and their selfishness amaze me....I don't know why. Maybe because my heart wont allow my mind to operate from that plane.
I ran the full gamut of emotion during the course of our week in California. Sorrow for the loss of an aunt whom I dearly loved and many fond memories of from childhood. Frustration at the speed (or lack there of) at which things were getting (or not getting) done. Anger at my aunt for wasting the precious gift of life that someone else s family lovingly and selflessly gave in order that she may have a longer life. Sadness for her that she had so little self worth and such deep rooted depression that she could not rise above life's difficulties and survive. which brings me to another question I ponder.......what makes some people survive thrive and grow stronger in the presence of adversity and others crumble beneath allowing themselves to be eaten by the darkness of the situation? Anyway....There were precious moments when I would find lying in the midst of the filth and dust a memory in solid form to which I could hold and feel. A memory from years gone by of the aunt my heart adored and admired as a child. I held tightly to those moments through the week.
The task was huge and the hours to accomplish it were few. She had been sick for years and depressed for as long. Her home had never been cleaned...no exaggeration....use your imagination because the sight and smell we walked into was so awful I could not bring my self to photograph it...We were forced to wade through layers and layers of dust to get to things....I had a system first I cleared out her back room in order to use it for a donation. Front lawn was trash....front room was keep....back room was donate. And the week went on. By Friday the mission was complete. Now we needed to decide if we were to rent a truck and drive the keep items back to Iowa for my mother or ship the items or store them for later pick up. Horrible weather in the mountains made our decision easy. No driving. Saturday we stashed Mother's treasures in storage and our mission was complete.
No time to stop and enjoy the beauty that surrounded us. I drank in moments here and there. Taking mental photographs.
Friday evening my dear cousin drove up from San Fransisco for a visit....the time went by far too quickly. The Burrito loved her too!
There are moments that are just too awful to record and some that were too small.
Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers while we were gone. Its good to be home. I missed my monsters fiercely and brought home a little monster who will NOT leave my side...YIKES!
Friday, February 6, 2009
A sad day
Today was a sad day....before I explain that lets walk backwards in time.
Beginning with a question I have been pondering what makes some people crumble under the weight of tough times and other people are able to stand up and come out stronger than before. I dont understand the whole half empty view on life...that said...
My Aunt Bean (that has been her name my entire life and for many years before I entered the world) has always been that kind of person. I lov her but life has always been for her a half empty existance. Any bad thing that ever happened to her became the definition of who she was. Sad really. Over the years I ahve tried to talk to her about attitude and learning life lessons but she always leaned more to the negative side of life. Don't misunderstand me...I love her. I have many happy memeories with her...riding in her pizza hut delivery truck, going to the lake or beach, going down to the train yard and watching the trains, riding bikes....the list could go on...
A few years ago she became the LUCKY recipient of a new liver. What an incredible gift giving her a second chance at life and happiness and health. Reflecting today I am not so sure she viewed it as a second chance but more as a life sentence. I do not understand this way of existing....blessings come in many packages and sometimes we fail to appreciate them.
Along her journey have come many people, special people who have reached out to her and genuinely wanted to help her...to love her...she held tightly to past hurts and held people at arms length at best. Few people made their way past her defenses and into her heart. Dominique made it there. She adored him, always told me if anything ever happened to me she would take care of him....the one ray of sunshine in many years of sorrow.
For about a month now Bean has been experienceing signs of her body rejecting this new liver, she ignored...denied until last weekend she found herself in the hospital in San Fransisco. All week we have been sitting on the edge of our seats waiting for the call to tell us she turned it around and was out of the woods....today Aunt Bean passed away.
Its sad really, to know she did very little living in her life. She really was a terrific person whom I loved very much. She was unhappy and a half gone kind of lady. Sad really because my children never had the chance to see how really wonderful she could be. Sad because she was alone at the end. No one should be alone in the end...
Things are a mess out there and my mother is heading out to figure things out. The Burrito and I are going along. We will be flying to California Monday morning. I have so many prayers to pray over this sudden trip. protection, wisdom, peace....and such and such...
Tonight I am reminded of the Bible where it says you shall reap that which you sow....sow sadness and bad attitude and well......you get the idea.
I have a million things to do before we take off Monday...am off and running now!
Beginning with a question I have been pondering what makes some people crumble under the weight of tough times and other people are able to stand up and come out stronger than before. I dont understand the whole half empty view on life...that said...
My Aunt Bean (that has been her name my entire life and for many years before I entered the world) has always been that kind of person. I lov her but life has always been for her a half empty existance. Any bad thing that ever happened to her became the definition of who she was. Sad really. Over the years I ahve tried to talk to her about attitude and learning life lessons but she always leaned more to the negative side of life. Don't misunderstand me...I love her. I have many happy memeories with her...riding in her pizza hut delivery truck, going to the lake or beach, going down to the train yard and watching the trains, riding bikes....the list could go on...
A few years ago she became the LUCKY recipient of a new liver. What an incredible gift giving her a second chance at life and happiness and health. Reflecting today I am not so sure she viewed it as a second chance but more as a life sentence. I do not understand this way of existing....blessings come in many packages and sometimes we fail to appreciate them.
Along her journey have come many people, special people who have reached out to her and genuinely wanted to help her...to love her...she held tightly to past hurts and held people at arms length at best. Few people made their way past her defenses and into her heart. Dominique made it there. She adored him, always told me if anything ever happened to me she would take care of him....the one ray of sunshine in many years of sorrow.
For about a month now Bean has been experienceing signs of her body rejecting this new liver, she ignored...denied until last weekend she found herself in the hospital in San Fransisco. All week we have been sitting on the edge of our seats waiting for the call to tell us she turned it around and was out of the woods....today Aunt Bean passed away.
Its sad really, to know she did very little living in her life. She really was a terrific person whom I loved very much. She was unhappy and a half gone kind of lady. Sad really because my children never had the chance to see how really wonderful she could be. Sad because she was alone at the end. No one should be alone in the end...
Things are a mess out there and my mother is heading out to figure things out. The Burrito and I are going along. We will be flying to California Monday morning. I have so many prayers to pray over this sudden trip. protection, wisdom, peace....and such and such...
Tonight I am reminded of the Bible where it says you shall reap that which you sow....sow sadness and bad attitude and well......you get the idea.
I have a million things to do before we take off Monday...am off and running now!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
randomness that is my life ;0)
So many things have been happening lately. I have been spending a lot of time trying to launch Dropz Of Hope. I am so excited to report that my blog and new email for Dropz is up and running. If you want to see what the project is all about please visit the dropz blog and if you know anyone who would benefit from the mission of my project please send them to the blog as well.
dropzofhope@yahoo.com is my email address for the project.
http://dropzofhope.blogspot.com
I could not have done it with out the bloggery expertise of my good friend Trudy...so THANK YOU Trudy!!! luv ya!
I am pleased to report that the eldest of the monsters is happy and adjusting well to life in Maryland. He is super excited Joslyn is taking him to Comicon in NYC this weekend. Lucky Duck is he, I know! I know he must be missing me just a little cuz he asked for cookies ;0) a sure sign that he misses his mama (just a tiny bit). He is trying to get accustomed to a new college campus and being a commuter campus there are fewer opportunities to meet people and make friends. Otherwise he is great! And I. miss. him.
Madison has been struggling...struggling....hhmmm....not sure that is even the word I'd choose to use but for lack of a better word, struggling. We seem to be at a cross road with her and now after all the hard work and determination on our part...it seems we are at a place where the choices are hers and we wait....pick up the pieces and try to find a way to move forward. tough stuff. so. please. pray. for her. and for us. decisions need to be made and noone is quite sure which direction to go.
We have been battling colds and such in the house off and on for a couple weeks now. But I am counting my snotty blessings it could be way worse. I'll take a cough an achooo and a fever any day over what others are dealing with! hand sanitizer and lysol are cloe personal friends of mine! ;0)
My sweet little niece Kenadee is in the PICU as I type with menengitis, still unclear if it is viral or bacterial. non-the-less she is sick little girl and I am PRAYING! Nothing worse in the world than having a sick child and not beiong able to do anything but. wait. and pray. PRAY!
I have a CASA hearing this afternoon.
The Burrito has double ear infection and is happily sitting inside his toy box right now...oh glory to the creator of Ibuprofen! If my camera werent so DUMB I'd take a pix of his adorable little self rosey cheeks and all siting in the midst of all his favorite toys. He is so stinkin' cute right now I could eat him up. But shall refrain from munching until he is germ free. ;0)
The rest of the monster?? are grudginly preparing for the great room exchange. we are nearing thedate of the great rotation and they are all up in arms but will bounce back I am sure of it. We cant all have what we want all of the time now can we? besides if I let them have what they want then I would no longer be the meanest mom in the world. I kind of like my title and have grown attached to it over the years.
And on that note....I will remind you to please check out Dropz of Hope new blog and let me know what you think!
love to all!
dropzofhope@yahoo.com is my email address for the project.
http://dropzofhope.blogspot.com
I could not have done it with out the bloggery expertise of my good friend Trudy...so THANK YOU Trudy!!! luv ya!
I am pleased to report that the eldest of the monsters is happy and adjusting well to life in Maryland. He is super excited Joslyn is taking him to Comicon in NYC this weekend. Lucky Duck is he, I know! I know he must be missing me just a little cuz he asked for cookies ;0) a sure sign that he misses his mama (just a tiny bit). He is trying to get accustomed to a new college campus and being a commuter campus there are fewer opportunities to meet people and make friends. Otherwise he is great! And I. miss. him.
Madison has been struggling...struggling....hhmmm....not sure that is even the word I'd choose to use but for lack of a better word, struggling. We seem to be at a cross road with her and now after all the hard work and determination on our part...it seems we are at a place where the choices are hers and we wait....pick up the pieces and try to find a way to move forward. tough stuff. so. please. pray. for her. and for us. decisions need to be made and noone is quite sure which direction to go.
We have been battling colds and such in the house off and on for a couple weeks now. But I am counting my snotty blessings it could be way worse. I'll take a cough an achooo and a fever any day over what others are dealing with! hand sanitizer and lysol are cloe personal friends of mine! ;0)
My sweet little niece Kenadee is in the PICU as I type with menengitis, still unclear if it is viral or bacterial. non-the-less she is sick little girl and I am PRAYING! Nothing worse in the world than having a sick child and not beiong able to do anything but. wait. and pray. PRAY!
I have a CASA hearing this afternoon.
The Burrito has double ear infection and is happily sitting inside his toy box right now...oh glory to the creator of Ibuprofen! If my camera werent so DUMB I'd take a pix of his adorable little self rosey cheeks and all siting in the midst of all his favorite toys. He is so stinkin' cute right now I could eat him up. But shall refrain from munching until he is germ free. ;0)
The rest of the monster?? are grudginly preparing for the great room exchange. we are nearing thedate of the great rotation and they are all up in arms but will bounce back I am sure of it. We cant all have what we want all of the time now can we? besides if I let them have what they want then I would no longer be the meanest mom in the world. I kind of like my title and have grown attached to it over the years.
And on that note....I will remind you to please check out Dropz of Hope new blog and let me know what you think!
love to all!
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