I started a new devotional today. It started by asking a couple questions. I have pondered these questions off and on through out the afternoon and evening.
Evaluate where you are at right now: financially, personally, spiritually and in relationships.
Today was a particularly difficult day. I had a lot of heavy things on my heart. So self evaluation was not happening. Then it has nagged me...all day.
financially. we are stable. not wealthy but not poor. our children have what they need and we are able to feel a little less stress about finances.
personally. I have daily battles with in my own heart and head. I have contiuous dialogue running between angela of the past and angela in the present. I struggle with who I am in this world and whether I am doing all God asked me to do.
spiritually. I am ashamed to admit that this is not my strongest spiritual season. I have found I have more questions now than ever. I find myself arguing within my head. I need to work on this area. There are so many things that happen that I just dont understand and I think my spiritual attitude has taken a beating.
relationships. Some are stronger than ever. some have been neglected and are showing signs of that neglect. some I have had to let go. Letting go acn be bnothfreeing and devestating depending on the situation. I got to thinking. Would I want to befriend myself if I met me on the street, i the grocery store, at the library or park, in the foyer at church? This vision challenged me to work harder at how I present myself as I walk through my day. I often find myself lost in the thoughts of my mind and situation of my life. So lost that I miss people situations and things I know I am supposed to see touch and experience.
I aime to make a better effort to present in every moment of every situation I find myself in. Believing God will use those places and times to touch my heart and touch the heart of others.
Monday, April 30, 2012
words
I have been thinking a lot lately about words. words that float about in my mind for me to write or speak. I have done a little research about words.
The number of words in the English language is estimated by the Global Language Monitor as of January 1, 2012 is aprox. 1,013,913. It is estimated that a new word is created every 98 minutes, or about 14.7 new words per day.
The average Highschool graduate has a functioning vocabulary of about 45,000 words.
The average college graduate has an aprox. 60,000 active word vocabulary.
The more educated and the more well read the person the higher the word count.
According to Dr. Louann Brizendine of UCSF women use on average 20,000 words per day while men use aprox 7,000. ( I am in trouble! I am a bit higher than average as I have a lot to say a lot of the time and Scott has little to say much of the time. His daily amount is usually depleated before he arrives home at the end of the day. Which leaves us in a pickle. I have so much to talk about and he is all talked out.)
It is estimated that the average person will speak enough words in 1 week to fill a 500 page book.
As I poured over the various charts and studies I got to thinking about the impact of my words.
I am ashamed to admit that over the course of my life time I have been guilty of speaking words that should have never been uttered in my own mind much less out loud. Flashing through my mind were the faces of people I have hurt with my words. It was as if I was reliving each situation all over again. As far back as early childhood. People flashed before me. Words from my past echoed in my mind. I felt the sting of my own words as if someone was speaking them to me. I felt shame, sorrow, regret.
I have heard it takes 10 positive words to counteract every 1 negative word spoken to another person. I felt the weight of that quote land heavy on my heart.
In my children, with my spouse, friends, family and every place in my life I want to use my 20,000 daily words to uplift, encourage, love, and bring joy. not to cause pain, anger, hurt or frustration. Choosing my words should be a matter of careful thoughtfullness and choosing to speak them should be controlled with a tremndous amount of discipline.
I will pay closer attention to the words in my mind before allowing them to flow out of my mouth. It really begins with taking my thoughts captive. That my friend is a more difficult task than it would seem.
The number of words in the English language is estimated by the Global Language Monitor as of January 1, 2012 is aprox. 1,013,913. It is estimated that a new word is created every 98 minutes, or about 14.7 new words per day.
The average Highschool graduate has a functioning vocabulary of about 45,000 words.
The average college graduate has an aprox. 60,000 active word vocabulary.
The more educated and the more well read the person the higher the word count.
According to Dr. Louann Brizendine of UCSF women use on average 20,000 words per day while men use aprox 7,000. ( I am in trouble! I am a bit higher than average as I have a lot to say a lot of the time and Scott has little to say much of the time. His daily amount is usually depleated before he arrives home at the end of the day. Which leaves us in a pickle. I have so much to talk about and he is all talked out.)
It is estimated that the average person will speak enough words in 1 week to fill a 500 page book.
As I poured over the various charts and studies I got to thinking about the impact of my words.
I am ashamed to admit that over the course of my life time I have been guilty of speaking words that should have never been uttered in my own mind much less out loud. Flashing through my mind were the faces of people I have hurt with my words. It was as if I was reliving each situation all over again. As far back as early childhood. People flashed before me. Words from my past echoed in my mind. I felt the sting of my own words as if someone was speaking them to me. I felt shame, sorrow, regret.
I have heard it takes 10 positive words to counteract every 1 negative word spoken to another person. I felt the weight of that quote land heavy on my heart.
In my children, with my spouse, friends, family and every place in my life I want to use my 20,000 daily words to uplift, encourage, love, and bring joy. not to cause pain, anger, hurt or frustration. Choosing my words should be a matter of careful thoughtfullness and choosing to speak them should be controlled with a tremndous amount of discipline.
I will pay closer attention to the words in my mind before allowing them to flow out of my mouth. It really begins with taking my thoughts captive. That my friend is a more difficult task than it would seem.
Friday, April 6, 2012
things you should know
1. Foster parents do not take children into their homes to get rich, pay bills, get out of debt or pay for luxury items. Truth is. we get paid $15.74 per day. unless the children have medical needs or severe behavioral needs. In that case depending on the level of need the daily rate is increased by aprox $4.81 per day for each level. Each foster child is provided $250 clothing allowance when they enter into the system then $100 per year after that. We would make more money doing day care. In fact the state pays MORE per day for foster children to be in a day care than they pay the resource families to provide 24 hour care.
2. Foster Parents do not take children into their homes to steal children from their families. The greater percentage of resource families are foster families for the same reason I am. Obviously I can only speak for myself. But because of Dropz of Hope I have met many families and can honestly say the vast majority have the same heart as I do. As long as I can remember I have wanted to be a part of the process of healing a family. Families who have become broken or lost. My GREATEST joy is to successfully reunite children with their BIOLOGICAL family after healing and wholeness has been restored.
3. Foster children are NOT treated as outsiders in our home. The moment we meet whether it is at the office, hospital or our home, they become part of our family. I have more "children" than I can count off the top of my head. They become sisters, brothers, sons, daughters immediately they gain all the rights responsibility respect that every other member of our family has. we love them completely and pray for them fervently for healing and a safe return to their biological family. We are committed to these children from the second we meet until the state decides what their future will be. YES. some of us do adopt. But you MUST understand the hard work we put in to reunite each child. Sometimes. that is just not possible. and THAT is heartbreaking.
4. We do NOT rejoice when a family is not reunited. The day a judge rules that a child may never return to his or her biological family is by far the saddest most difficult day in the case for me. That means the child's entire life from this point is altered. Plan A has failed and B must be formed. I mourn the loss along with the child. YES we go on to adopt some of these children. Because we are so fiercely committed to them from the moment we meet that by the time the judge rules we are madly in love with them and could not imagine sending them off to another foster/adoptive home. But every day I grieve the loss. Every day I pray for the biological family to some how some day find peace, healing and wholeness.
5. I love working with biological families. In all the years I have been doing this, I can honestly say there has only been 1 case where I was not able to find a way to work with the family. In every other case we have been able to form a partnership. Even when the case did not end with reunification we were able to work together. I am "aunt" to many children who no longer live with me. The GREATEST joy in life is to trade the 'mother' role in for AUNT.
6. I am not a saint. I may do more than you think you could do. I may have more children in my home and in my life. BUT I am NOT a saint. I am living the life God CALLED me to live. I make mistakes along the way just like everyone else. I rejoice and grieve, am joyful and sad, I lose my temper at times and have to apologize. I love fiercely and hurt deeply. I am JUST LIKE YOU. God called you to live be and do things I could never dream of doing. We all have our own journey in life we must travel. Honestly it embarrasses me and makes me feel uncomfortable when people say things like that to me. I do NOT do what I do to gain attention. I am much more the "Behind the scenes kind of girl".
This may sound phony to others but it is MY TRUTH. I live my life for 1 purpose. I deeply desire to fulfill the will of God in my life. I want to please HIM. I want to live, speak, do, all the things HE created me to do. I could not and would not go through the heartache and pain I do on a daily basis if God did not direct me to do so. This journey is not easy. It is filled with joys and tears. And there are many times I make mistakes and fail. IF we were all honest we would all say the same. Right? I will continue to do this fostercare thing until God changes my direction.
7. I am not a collector of children. I do not need you to make comments like. 'dont you have ENOUGH children??' or "when are you going to stop already??" or "how do you DO it??" I do not mean any disrespect. I am not being rude. REALLY. I do not ask you to pay my bills. I do not ask you to deal with a behavior problem. I do not ask for money food or even childcare. I do intend to pray before I take any child into my home and I do believe that GOD directs each step and each addition we take. If a time comes that I place my responsibility on your shoulders then you may ask these questions. Until then, I need your love, support and understanding. I need you to understand that some of the children who spend time in my home may not behave the way YOU think they should. there is a reason for that and what they need is UNDERSTANDING and UNCONDITIONAL love not your criticism or stern stares. What I need is for you to love us and PRAY. as I pray for You.
2. Foster Parents do not take children into their homes to steal children from their families. The greater percentage of resource families are foster families for the same reason I am. Obviously I can only speak for myself. But because of Dropz of Hope I have met many families and can honestly say the vast majority have the same heart as I do. As long as I can remember I have wanted to be a part of the process of healing a family. Families who have become broken or lost. My GREATEST joy is to successfully reunite children with their BIOLOGICAL family after healing and wholeness has been restored.
3. Foster children are NOT treated as outsiders in our home. The moment we meet whether it is at the office, hospital or our home, they become part of our family. I have more "children" than I can count off the top of my head. They become sisters, brothers, sons, daughters immediately they gain all the rights responsibility respect that every other member of our family has. we love them completely and pray for them fervently for healing and a safe return to their biological family. We are committed to these children from the second we meet until the state decides what their future will be. YES. some of us do adopt. But you MUST understand the hard work we put in to reunite each child. Sometimes. that is just not possible. and THAT is heartbreaking.
4. We do NOT rejoice when a family is not reunited. The day a judge rules that a child may never return to his or her biological family is by far the saddest most difficult day in the case for me. That means the child's entire life from this point is altered. Plan A has failed and B must be formed. I mourn the loss along with the child. YES we go on to adopt some of these children. Because we are so fiercely committed to them from the moment we meet that by the time the judge rules we are madly in love with them and could not imagine sending them off to another foster/adoptive home. But every day I grieve the loss. Every day I pray for the biological family to some how some day find peace, healing and wholeness.
5. I love working with biological families. In all the years I have been doing this, I can honestly say there has only been 1 case where I was not able to find a way to work with the family. In every other case we have been able to form a partnership. Even when the case did not end with reunification we were able to work together. I am "aunt" to many children who no longer live with me. The GREATEST joy in life is to trade the 'mother' role in for AUNT.
6. I am not a saint. I may do more than you think you could do. I may have more children in my home and in my life. BUT I am NOT a saint. I am living the life God CALLED me to live. I make mistakes along the way just like everyone else. I rejoice and grieve, am joyful and sad, I lose my temper at times and have to apologize. I love fiercely and hurt deeply. I am JUST LIKE YOU. God called you to live be and do things I could never dream of doing. We all have our own journey in life we must travel. Honestly it embarrasses me and makes me feel uncomfortable when people say things like that to me. I do NOT do what I do to gain attention. I am much more the "Behind the scenes kind of girl".
This may sound phony to others but it is MY TRUTH. I live my life for 1 purpose. I deeply desire to fulfill the will of God in my life. I want to please HIM. I want to live, speak, do, all the things HE created me to do. I could not and would not go through the heartache and pain I do on a daily basis if God did not direct me to do so. This journey is not easy. It is filled with joys and tears. And there are many times I make mistakes and fail. IF we were all honest we would all say the same. Right? I will continue to do this fostercare thing until God changes my direction.
7. I am not a collector of children. I do not need you to make comments like. 'dont you have ENOUGH children??' or "when are you going to stop already??" or "how do you DO it??" I do not mean any disrespect. I am not being rude. REALLY. I do not ask you to pay my bills. I do not ask you to deal with a behavior problem. I do not ask for money food or even childcare. I do intend to pray before I take any child into my home and I do believe that GOD directs each step and each addition we take. If a time comes that I place my responsibility on your shoulders then you may ask these questions. Until then, I need your love, support and understanding. I need you to understand that some of the children who spend time in my home may not behave the way YOU think they should. there is a reason for that and what they need is UNDERSTANDING and UNCONDITIONAL love not your criticism or stern stares. What I need is for you to love us and PRAY. as I pray for You.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)