see what I mean??

this is the devotion I found in my in-box this morning!

And He who is seated on the throne said, ‘See! I make all things new...’ ”
(Revelation 21:5, AMP)

TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria

When God puts a dream in your heart, when He puts a promise on the inside of you, He deposits within you everything you need to accomplish that dream. He wouldn’t give you the desire to do something without giving you the ability to fulfill it. In fact, the scripture tells us that God gives us the desires of our heart. In other words, He puts the desire inside of us and then works with us to bring it to pass.
Oftentimes, people set out to accomplish their dreams, but they face a setback or disappointment, and then they feel like their time has passed. But let me tell you today, no matter where you’ve come from, no matter what’s happened in your past, God wants to make you new. He wants to give you a fresh start. If you feel like you’ve missed opportunities in your life, if you feel like your time has passed, remember, today is a new day. You are a new person, and God has new opportunities in store for you. Lift up your eyes of faith and look forward to the new thing God has for you in this New Year!
— Joel & Victoria Osteen

peace comes in pieces

pieces : part of a whole: fragmented
peace : absence of war or hostilities; harmonious

I think, for me, the year 2010 can be summed up with both of these words.
My world has been rocked to the core and much of the time I have felt as though my heart, my mind, my soul, my very existence has been in pieces resembling broken glass. Still shiny and reflected in places yet disconnected and scattered from the rest of me.
2010 has been a year of trials and triumphs. successes and failures. broken hearts, even joy. Isn't it funny how all these seem to be impossible to exist together yet they do come in pairs. As if you can not possibly experience joy unless your heart has been broken. I like to think I have learned lessons I am intended to learn, make changes I needed to make, show love to those I would prefer not to be around. (lets face it, I am human and there are people in my world whom I would prefer not to have to see or talk to, but I hope with all my heart that I have been able to show love anyway even when I didn't feel like it.) I do know there has been more pain in the year 2010 than I have experienced in many years. Probably since the year I lost my Daddy.
What I really want to share this morning is not all of the pain and pieces of the year. but the moments when I felt as if I was completely alone and could not possibly take one more step forward or back. in those moments all through this year God has sent me reminders. telling me that He knows the pain and sorrow I carry. He has a plan and its OK that I do not understand. He is there.
pieces of peace:
my oldest dearest friend calls me after the house is asleep and we talk about nothing until 230am just like old times.
a brilliant sunset painted in purples, magenta and blues
a smiling child
a giggle
an unexpected Thank you from a random person
a hug from a dear lady who whispered encouragement in my ear on a day when I really needed to hear it
a friend who sees through my smile and sees my tears
a friend who sits with me in a darkened prayer room and allows me to cry my heart out
a random chat with an old friend who after 20 years still knows my heart
the way the snow and ice came down and kissed my trees and left a beautiful portrait of winter on my lawn
a passage in a book I randomly picked up to put away but sat and flipped through instead
a SCRIPTURE that breaths peace into my soul
I could write a novel filled with these kinds of moments. moments that randomly burst through the darkness of a bad day and shine HIS love on my face and let me know, really know that no matter the burdens of my day, no matter the condition of my heart. He loves me. and really that is all I need to know.
I can bare these sorrows, the pain and hurts and I can even continue to collect the scattered pieces and place them back together. I know the picture of who I am has been forever changed by the events of this year but that is not all together bad.
The photo I have posted was sent to me last night from a dear friend. It reminds me that perfect, peace-filled days do exist. I remember the day I walked through the field and sat on that bench.
2 Corinthians 12:9  "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

bright and early this morning...

my eyes fell upon the amazing sight...

winter came down...

and Kissed my trees.

as the day broke in the sky...

winter held on tight...

isnt she lovely against the brilliant sky?

even my evergreens look flocked with winter.

enveloped completely in white.

Christmas 2010

Christmas with Albers Family

Little Elijah and Zephan

Little Elijah

Christmas Eve Pajamas

Sam lookin' like his jammies!

Madison

Rooster Boosters make him smile!

so careful

finally got her Easy Bake Oven!

Isaiah laughing at Lij

gift card

Ninja Turtles!!

pink and purple outfit

Sam excited with his stocking!

Isaiah being a goof!

Sam

Excited about Fushigi

too interested in game to notice his last gift! haha!

photos for Uncle Cowboy

Sam

Sam had a speaking part.

Amaris

Amaris handing the decree.

Elijah praying

Sam singing

Amaris singing

Elijah all ready

Amaris all ready

gone...until further notice.

So much has been happening in our crazy little corner of the world....
Kids school programs, church programs, decisions, shopping, appointments and on and on....
Through much much prayer and consideration I have decided to make this blog public again. I should not feel I have to hide my thoughts and feelings. For reasons I do not understand God chose this journey for me to walk. He wants to use my experiences to encourage others or at the very least to let others know they are not alone. This revelation occurred to me the other day when I was reading the blog of a woman who has traveled this road of mental illness and children a bit longer than I. Her blog encourages me to remember that even in the darkest, most difficult days there lies brighter skies ahead. After reading her latest entry I was praying for her and for her daughter and God whispered into my heart....as much as I have given you through this woman I will give to others through you...please pray for me as I take this step. of making myself vulnerable and open to others criticisms and opinions. I do not write for others. I write because if I don't write I feel I may explode with all this thought and emotion bottled up inside...Thanks!