Tuesday, October 27, 2009

apologies

I will be taking a break from blogging...until....I have much to work through in this heart of mine and just should not be writing for the world to see.
love you all and thanks for stopping by!

Monday, October 19, 2009

I have been pondering all day what to write here. I am such a mixed up bag of thought lately.
I have no idea what to write here.
How can one be happy and sad at the same time?
Love and seriously dislike together?
I don't know I haven't got the answers and was kind of hoping I would have magically arrived at the moment of clarity before sitting down to update. But, it hasn't happened that way. So I am left here still not knowing what to say, still having all my questions remain...questions.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I have been avoiding my space here lately. Mostly because I promised myself this would be one place where I was transparent in heart, thought, mind, emotion....and sometimes that is really difficult for me. For many reasons I wrestle with that promise. I am afraid people will begin to view me as this dark person who is deeply depressed or unhappy. Which would be a sad assumption. Because truthfully, I am neither...It is funny I think often of all the things I have been chosen to carry. And I think most days its not so hard.
Today I chose to write. I may not reveal intimate details of my heart. I may not share the many struggles I am learning how to juggle. But I am reaching. reaching out to space. I am not even sure what exactly it is that I am reaching for. or what I even expect in return if anything,
I miss writing.
I miss having those moments in my day when random thought is born and evolves into some thing I feel must be recorded. Funny thing is I know why the feelings are gone. I can even pick the exact day and time in which I lost my desire to write, and lost my inspiration of thought....i am working through that now...and have decided its time....