I have been avoiding my space here lately. Mostly because I promised myself this would be one place where I was transparent in heart, thought, mind, emotion....and sometimes that is really difficult for me. For many reasons I wrestle with that promise. I am afraid people will begin to view me as this dark person who is deeply depressed or unhappy. Which would be a sad assumption. Because truthfully, I am neither...It is funny I think often of all the things I have been chosen to carry. And I think most days its not so hard.
Today I chose to write. I may not reveal intimate details of my heart. I may not share the many struggles I am learning how to juggle. But I am reaching. reaching out to space. I am not even sure what exactly it is that I am reaching for. or what I even expect in return if anything,
I miss writing.
I miss having those moments in my day when random thought is born and evolves into some thing I feel must be recorded. Funny thing is I know why the feelings are gone. I can even pick the exact day and time in which I lost my desire to write, and lost my inspiration of thought....i am working through that now...and have decided its time....