Tuesday, January 28, 2014

stretching and growing

God has been stretching me. BEYOND my own boundaries. Stretching and growing can be painful and confusing, and it can also be pure joy. When I think of the recent life lessons He has taught me I think of the song give me your eyes by Brandon Heath ( I have posted the video)
I have prayed this prayer many times over the past year and continue to be amazed at the opportunities the Lord chooses to lay before me where I can choose to see with HIS eyes and not my own. I have loved deeper, been moved to tears, felt pain indescribable and trusted HIM with all that I am and all that I have. It is a humbling experience to allow yourself to become vulnerable to HIM and HIS plan.
I am not perfect at this obedience thing and I am not always quick to see through His eyes. I am a work in progress. And I have learned so much about myself along the way. I am excited to share some of this journey here. I would be honored if you would stop back by and check in soon.

Brandon Heath- Give me your Eyes


Sunday, January 5, 2014

a Christmas miracle

As 2013 came to a close my heart was heavy with the knowledge that Burrito and Spuds were about to have a birth sibling soon. I had no way of knowing for sure when, but had an idea. I predicted the due date would be Christmas Eve. On December 22 I was alerted that a baby boy had been born and was in the hospital preparing for discharge. Fear filled me as I prayed that this innocent child would be protected by someone. Anyone.
All I could do was pray through the next several hours.
Monday morning December 23 as I drove in to work I received a call from a worker who explained the circumstance of this baby's birth and current situation. The question came "are you willing to take this baby so he can be with his biological brothers?" and for the second time in 13 years of doing this foster/adopt thing I broke the ONE rule. never say yes with out first discussing it with Scott. I said yes. Of course. We agreed that as details came from the hospital to the worker we would make a plan.
Later that same afternoon I received another call asking f I could meet at the hospital at 430. Our Christmas miracle was ready for discharge and My prayers had been answered.
The medical staff was kind and compassionate. I could tell they had all fallen in love with him during his brief stay. I shared photos of the boys so they could see how very different all 3 of them are. We went through the education, business, paperwork and finally were on our way.
He is a tiny little peanut I lovingly call Mr. Jingles since he arrived in our home just hours before Christmas Eve.
We will walk out this journey believing God has a purpose and a plan.

a letter to my girls

Dear Daughter (s)
Madison you have taught me so many lessons along the way. How to be a better parent, more patient, more understanding, and how to be a fierce advocate for your child. You have taught me that parenting does not end when a child walks away and shuts you out, parenting does not stop when a child arrives at 18 or 21 and declares they are an adult. Parenting is a lifelong journey with beautiful highs and dark lows. I believe because of our journey together I am a better mother to the other children. I was not a girly girl growing up I was raised with a slew of boys at home in the extended family and in my neighborhood. I never understood girly girls until I met you. Because of your love of all things shiny spiny and bright I feel joy well up in me when I see those things too.
My Amaris. If I ever thought Madison was girly-- boy how wrong I was! You are the shiniest girl I have ever met. Your freckled face makes me smile and your giggle is contagious. I am so proud of all you have overcome and the strength you gain each new year. You challenge me in ways that are wonderfully frustrating. I love you.
Sassy Pants. Although you have been in this crazy world 12 years already you have only been in my world for a very short time. I will never forget the moment I met you and knew with every fiber of my being that God intended for you to be my daughter. I wish I had the ability to go back in time and erase bad things and re-create time and events. I would take all the scary bad things away and replace them with joy happiness and unconditional love. When I look into your eyes I see darkness that is steeped deeply in sadness. Every once in a while you allow me a glimpse of the joyful place that lives somewhere with in your heart. No matter what happens from here my prayer is that you will always know the love a true mother can give and that no matter where life takes you, you will always know home is here. where you will always be loved no matter what.
There are so many important things I want for you girls to know.
Always know that you shine. SHINE form the inside out. Your beauty is deeply rooted within you. You are special. unique, like no other. This is an important lesson I did not learn until I was well into my adult years. God made each of you exactly as you are to fulfill a special purpose He has waiting for you. Listen to Him always. He has an amazing life planned for you.
Another thing I never knew is that sometimes hard things happen. God never promised us that hard things would not come our way. BUT He did promise to never ever leave us. Look to Him always. He will guide your every step as long as you keep your heart and eyes fixed on Him.
This one is HUGE. Never ever let a boy define who you are. GOD alone defines you. If a boy tried to change you then he is not the ONE God has waiting for you. and He does. God has the perfect boy picked out just for you. Be patient. willingly wait. Never ever settle for anyone less. You will know when you meet the right boy. he will love God more than life. He will place you and your best in a high place. He will protect you. He will honor you and your purity. He will wait for you because he will know that God chose you just for him.
Be kind. Your tongue has mighty power. In your tongue you have the power to love. heal. encourage. build up. You also have the power to hurt. tear down and destroy. Give thought to the words you think and say. once they become thoughts they soon will be spoken, if they do not honor and give life then destroy them before they are spoken.
Be each others friend. Family is important. None of you have had the blessing of having extended family surrounding your growing years. Create that for your children. Family is a blessing that God gifted to each of you. Never let silly things tear down your relationships with your siblings love each other, love each others spouses and children. Grow your families close. Life can be hard at times you will need each other.
Although none of you sweet girls grew in my tummy you all where born of my heart. each one a very special gift to me from God. I have tried my best to be a good momma to each of you. I have made mistakes. be forgiving of me and of yourselves when times arise that you make a mistake and need forgiving. forgiveness is necessary in order to grow and love. Learn to be forgiving. and know always that no matter what, I Love You.
Love,
Mom
cant publish pix of sassy yet.