Who am I

Who am I....Does anyone else ever ask themselves this question? Sometimes I can rattle off, with confidence, a laundry list of adjectives that describe who I am.Then there are times I seem to struggle. I have no idea. During those times who I am and why I am here are mysteries waiting to be discovered but always eluding me. Or so it seems at the moment.
Lately I have been thinking about this so when the time arrives and I wonder without an inkling of answer. I will be ready.
I guess who I am depends on who YOU are in part, I think that is at least a good place to start. So....I am daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, wife, mother, aunt, cousin, cook, baker, comforter, confidante, security blanket, christian, counselor, fixer of all things, teacher, author, listener, shoulder, supporter, cheerleader, advocate, house keeper, professional shopper not in the fun kind of way, with a family of 7 children you have to be a professional to stretch the ever shrinking dollar to get the most out of it.
But who am I....
I am created unique, and different than anyone else. And yet there are times when I can't figure out why. I am a woman who cares deeply and completely for those who enter her life. I would fight for you, along side you and against you if had to in order to uphold the good in this world. I am strong.
strength noun . 1. the quality or state of being strong; bodily or muscular power; vigor. 2. mental power, force, or vigor. 3. moral power, firmness, or courage.
yes, I am strong.
I am relentlessly seeking the will and plan for my life and most times wonder if I will ever get it figured out. Some one once told me that the plan for my life is making a difference in the lives of children and I am already doing that every day so why am I always persuing a different will. hhhmmmmm.....of course I thought a lot about that statement...I disagree in part. Yes, God created me with a heart of HUGE capacity for children especially hurting children. But, if the will and plan ended there then I would have a certain peace about me. I would be settled and know...this is it....but I don't....there is more to the plan, I will find it, and when I do then His plan will be complete. and peace will take up residence within the walls of my heart.

what is your legacy

lagacy....something that is handed down or remains from one generation or time.
hhhmmmm, so a legacy is not necessarily money or property or some other material remnant of a life lived.
In case you are wondering if I fell and bumped my head. No, I didn't, and yes, I know what a legacy is. The thing I don't know and understand is when people get caught up in the greed of dollar signs and lose sight of the importance of the legacy. Lately I have had much time and plenty of opportunity to ponder this subject.
What do you wish for your legacy to be...As I was studying the other day I came across a few questions that I have been pondering:
What do you believe? ( not really as easy a question as you might think)
What do you stand for? (different than belief)
What, to you is completely non-negotiable?
What is your legacy?
I think the honest answers to these questions will give you a good idea of what your legacy will be.
What will be my 'mark' on this world.
I am sure all of you have heard that song or saying what will your dash say. The dash is the line between your birth date and the date of your death. It represents your living. What will people say about the time between?
I don't really have any great revelations to bestowe upon you tonight, I am still pondering these thoughts with in my own heart.
The only thing I know for sure is that people will not remember me by greed....love motivates me. I don't want to be thought of by what I owned. That is as far as I have gotten thus far....will let you know when I get the rest figured out.
In the mean time....why don't you think about it and let me know what you think.

tough decision

So....we have been wrestling with a tough decision . Send Isaiah back to public school for one last year where all his friends are and where he can be a part of the community. Or....do we continue home schooling. He has been wanting to go to school for a while now. This is our last opportunity to be able to send him. The junior high next year will be too crowded and too difficult to gaurantee his safety. After much debating, much prayer and discussion. We have decided. I know alot of people will disagree with our decision. But, I have a peace about it and so know it is the right one for this year. October 6. Isaiah will officially become a member of Mrs. Douglas's 6th grade class. Please encourage him if you see him, he is nervous and a bit scared of re-entering the school thing after being home schooled. We could not ask for better teachers than what we have at our school. When I talked to our principal this afternoon, I told him, I would never trust any other staff of teachers or anyother school to do this.
We have a unique situation here and I think we would be foolish not to allow him the opportunity to go if that is what he wants to do. We will deal with next year when it arrives. For now....this is it!

Hard to live by...but necessary to try.

Luke 6:27-28 NLT
"But if you are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Pray for the happiness of those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you."

Elijah's post

mommy and me...
boy up high...
baby swingin' with mommy...
mommy and babe...
baby chasing shadow...

Zephan laughing...
swingin' upside down...
Elijah upside down...
daddy upside down...

Elijah walked around with me outdoors yesterday telling me what to take pictures of, telling me to place them on my blog, AND what he wanted me to call each picture. So, Here it is my boy.

weekend in review

Friday night Isaiah had his birthday party with his friends. Elijah stayed all night at Christian's house. Saturday Elijah had a football game, he made his first touchdown. YEAH LIJ! We went to a party for our good friends Randy and Pastor Lori. I hate saying good bye!! Was good to see them and give them our wishes and prayers. Bonus, Dominique followed us over to the party so we got to spend some time with him too. Big smiles all around for that. Please pray for Madison....sometimes the road to healing must travel painful places first, that is where we are right now. Sunday was church and time outdoors. Phone calls and some tears. But all in all weekend was good.

Isaiah's 12th Birthday party

The boys had a blast! They played outdoors, played board games, played video games, built legos, ate BBQ, indulged in the chocolate fountain, experimented with new concoctions....eeeewww....not even gonna tell you some of the things those crazy boys came up with! Watched movies, had pancakes for breakfast, tons of laughter, tons of fun!

Nuggets from my day

Nuggets....hhhmmm....nuggets are the little things that when added up make your day wonderful...especially when having a particularly bad day, I like to take a few moments and add up all the nuggets of the day. For me, it hasn't only been a particularly bad day it has been one of those weeks. I thought it would never come to an end. I have shed more tears this week than I have in a very long time. So today when feeling down and blue I remembered NUGGETS! So I took stock and found that the nuggets from today alone far out weigh all the things that caused me tears all week. So, instead of listing all the reasons I have cried...today you get the nuggets of my day...

Scott left a hot cup of coffee for me right beside my bed as he walked out the door for work...nothing better than a sip of hot coffee before getting out of bed!
I actually got to take a shower without being interupted. Glorious!Isaiah was up when I got out opf the bath room and was excited for his party tonight, he was eager to help get things done to prepare for his friends arrival even though no one would be arriving for 12 more hours.
I love the sleepy bleary eyed "good morning" from the little monsters.
Elijah had a hard time this morning he did not want to go to school, after bribing him with a ham and cheese omelet and hot chocolate, he said 'if you give me a hug I will do what ever you want me to'....if only everything were that easy!
I stood out in the driveway waiting for the bus and my sweet friend Elle came for her morning greeting, grinning from ear to ear holding her little hand out for me to finish off the kisses her mommy had already placed there. "Hey Angewa (I love how she says my name) my mommy said to say hi to you." "Thanks Elle, I like your mommy she is my friend" "I know she told me that." The bus arrived and off she ran grinning at me over her shoulder. Standing there in my driveway with the sun glaring in my eyes as I waved my good byes, I decided everyone should start their day like this. How much better does it get...standing with the sweetness of a child in the early morning sun cup of hot coffee in hand waving as the bus pulls out of sight. OK so my coffee was luke warm at best by then but you get the idea.
Into the house I run to get going on the day Isaiah is there smiling at me. "what?' I asked as I rushed through the room. "nothing, I just love you mom" aaaahhhh my boy just made my day brighter for sure.
Time to make a phone call I was dreading all morning, I imagined dialing the nubers one digit at a time, not wanting to hold the conversation I had rehersed in my mind. Knowing where I wanted it to go and where it was destined to go were not the same. No answer, leave a message. 2.5 seconds later...the phone rings...although the outcome was neither what I had imagined nor what I wished for, it was a special conversation that brought peace to me for a time. I love when a special friend knows your heart and says all the right things without being asked or told.
A bit later in the morning in the midst of trying to quiet a fussy babe the phone rings and Dominique's week just went from bad to worse in the time it took him to log into his GVC account on line...MOOOOMMMMM I need your help.
A quick phone call to my dear friend at the college and she, without hesitation got on instant message and helped me work everything out for Dom. I love when a friend will stop their day to help you out. Thanks Jodi!! You are the best!
Holding a sleeping baby Zephan snuggly in my arms as I watch that little suckling motion even when his thumb has fallen out.
His tiny sigh that lets me know he is good and asleep so I can place him safely in bed.
Do you see what I mean??? I am not even to lunch time yet and Already have so many nuggets!
Talked with Gramma, I love love love that everyday at a specific time I talk to Gramma. No matter where I am not matter what I am doing every day at the same time is Gramma's time. Some days we talk for 30 seconds or less, some days we ramble on and on about all kinds of things. She brings such joy to my heart!
Driving down the street I stopped to chat with another little friend of mine. Sara was walking her dog. She always has the biggest smile on her face. I love talking to her and her sisters.
Recieved an encouraging e-mail from an old friend. Moments like those get tucked away in the corners of my heart to ponder later.
I love hearing Isaiah humming in his blissful happiness as he patiently waits for the minutes to tick by before his friends arrive for his party.
Good conversation with another good friend on the phone...and not getting interupted...even better!
Baby Zephan loves music, he loves for me to sing this one song. I always know when he wants me to sing because the song has motions and he will pick up my hands and try to sing the beginning. As I begin the song I start out really slow and he gets frustrated and smiles at the same time. Above.......(long pause)below.......before.....behinde.....around me......(stop) he squeels and holds my hands....I ask MORE? he grins.....above, below, before, behinde, around me....(faster each time) above, before, below, behinde, around me.....above, before, below, behinde, around me....Jesus is the rock on which I stand. He claps and laughs and grins and begs for more.....
Kisses and hugs when unexpected and not asked for....Elijah is the best at those!
Chocolate fountain instead of birthday cake. New love...pineapple in the chocolate fountain...YYUUUUMMM!
BBQ
friends....laughter of children...the smile on Isaiah's face when Jordan arrived and decided to stay.
4 extra boys in the house and all of them getting along laughing playing having a BLAST!!! I'd take 10 extra boys any day before i'd take extra girls!
All these nuggets when added together....make all the sadness of my week fade in comparison to the many blessings I have recieved. And these are only a few of the many many nuggets from today.
Take a moment....count your nuggets....smile.....hug the neck of those around you...go ahead try....

answer: HEAD OVER HEALS

What was the question you ask? Well, one day not too long ago a friend of mine who is in a blended family situation asked me if I thought it was possible to love the step children with the same love as you do your Biological children. First of all BEFORE I explain my answer I must point out how ridiculous I think it was for that question to be asked of me, a person who in addition to being in a blended family has also already adopted 2 children not biologically linked to any member of the family and is preparing to adopt another one....silly question! BUT since it was asked, I of course have spent sleepless nights, (not losing sleep over this question) but since sleep often eludes me I may as well put my thinking and pondering powers to work and solve some of life's problems.

Anyway....back to posed question.

I will preface all else by saying I truly believe I was formed, created and molded to LOVE children. I am naturally drawn to children. No matter their situation but especially hurting children, God gave me an indescribable compassion that pours out of my heart when it comes to children. I can not explain it, I only know that it HAS to come from God!

Now because of my deep faith, I must share what God tells us about children...

Mark 9:37 (New Living Translation)
37 “Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes not only me but also my Father who sent me.”

Mark 10:14 (New Living Translation)

14 When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children.

Mark 10:16 (New Living Translation)

16 Then he took the children in his arms and placed his hands on their heads and blessed them.

Luke 18:15 (New Living Translation)

15 One day some parents brought their little children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But when the disciples saw this, they scolded the parents for bothering him.

Not only was I created with a heart that cares deeply for children but what comes naturally to me is Biblical.

I can honestly tell you without hesitation that God placed a very special love within my heart for each one of my children. Do I love them EXACTLY the same. No because they are all very different creations....But do I love them with the fullness of my heart? Absolutely, I am head over heels in love with each one of my children from Dominique all the way down to baby Zephan and including whom ever the Lord chooses to bring into my life after. My hands, my heart must be a blessing to children, I must love them as Christ did. Above all others, Jesus wanted the children brought to him so he could love them and bless them. We must do the same. There is enough hurt and pain and ugliness in this crazy world we live in. We must be part of the healing.

It absolutely makes me crazy when people refer to children as step this, adopted that, foster this. They are children. Joyful, hurting, all yearning to be loved. Quit labeling them and start loving them the way Jesus did and watch our world become a better place because of it!

How a person can look into the sweet innocence of a child's eyes and NOT fall completely in love and want nothing more than to protect and care and love and provide for their every need....that is a question I have no answers for. How can a person be in the position of caring for a child and CHOOSE not to??? I was NOT created that way!

I promise you that if you choose to let them into your heart they will bless you a million times more than you could have ever imagined!

I know I have the many blessings stored up in my heart to prove it. SEE?

Incredible!

Samantha was released to the Ronald McDonald House today! Amazing the healing God is doing in her little body. She is doing fantastic! Because of the transp[lant she must stay in MN close to the hospital for a few weeks BUT she is doing far better than anyone predicted. Well, not me because I know God has His Hand upon her sweet little head!
Keep praying!

reconnections

In deciding to do a special project for my Gramma I have been able to reconnect with cousins I have not seen or talked to in YEARS!!! It has been fun. I look forward to connecting more with all of them. Its funny how things happen sometimes.
This past summer I reconnected with some VERY special people in NJ when I went to a wedding. The renewed relationships have blessed me so much more than I could have ever imagined!
The other day I was thinking about these relationships and how important they were to me at very critical times in my life and how I had run away from them because of the hurt I experienced from losing my dad. I can't believe I allowed so much time and space to stand between all of us for so long. It is a true testament to unconditional love. Walking into 'Mommee's' living room in June felt the same that evening as it did 15 years ago. The overwhelming sense of love and acceptance that lives and breeds in that place swelled my heart and has been feeding my soul ever since.
I strive to fill the lives around me with that very kind of love. Don't let hurt, pain and emotion separate you from important people in your life. They are there to love you so let them. Even when it hurts, even when you don't feel like it. Trust me it is definitely worth it!
I am just lucky that time stood still in that part of the world and waited for me to return!

Update on Samantha

I have been keeping up with Sam's care page. Although I have not spoken to her yet. Samantha's new kidney is working just like it is supposed to. YEAH! The donor, a very generous, brave, and selfless person is doing well. YEAH!
Samantha is having some pain management issues, (to be expected) but not fun to deal with! Also, she is having a difficult time sleeping. Please pray for these things, for her parents and her brother. When you pray, thank God for and ask a special blessing over the donor and her family.

Cleared for adoption and a fight with a helmet

Woo Hoo We had court yesterday and the judge ruled we are clear for adoption. She told me she was glad that the baby found me to be his mommy. That touched my heart, because I view him as a treasure God gave to me, not me to him. So sweet of her to say! We are shooting for Adoption Saturday a huge celebration in November. If all goes well with paper work it should not be a problem. YEAH!

His helmet finally came in yesterday...he is developing a love/hate relationship with it. Isn't he the sweetest little thing you ever laid eyes on??? Well, I think so!

Happy Birthday Isaiah!

Today is Isaiah's 12th Birthday! For his breakfast I placed a candle in his pancake. Just for fun. Sunday Dominique was home for lunch and laundry (he is officially a college student, coming home for food and laundry). So we took the opportunity to celebrate a few days early with the fam. I made Oreo pies and we sang and opened presents. It is always nice when everyone is here to celebrate together.
Twelve things I adore about Isaiah:
1. He loves Jesus with all of his heart and strives to obey Him every day.
2. He is very creative.
3. He is amazing at logic puzzles, his brain just works that way.
4. He loves, loves, loves building Legos.
5. He is the bravest kid I know, never complains no matter what test he has to go through and no matter how many needles he has to experience.
6. I love Love love his belly laugh, you could be in the worst mood ever and if he starts laughing look out it is totally contagious you'll be laughing with him even if you don't want to.
7. He has a sweet spirit.
8. He loves being a big brother and is quite good at it.
9. He loves to play jokes on people.
10. He watches the history channel because he likes it.
11. He works hard at everything he has to do...school, physical therapy, church.
12. He loves people and cares about others feelings more than his own.
I love you Isaiah and hope your day is absolutely wonderful!

More prayer required

The funeral for Doug Hadley was yesterday. What an unbelievably difficult day it was for Michelle and the family. Please pray for Michelle, her grief is deep and swallowing her up. Her children need her and somehow I know God will bring her strength.

On another note...
My sweet friend Samantha, is one of my little friends from Childrens church. She is 9 years old. When ever I see her she always runs and gives me the best hugs ever! When Samantha was a baby she got sick with E-Coli, the sickness damaged and scarred her kidneys badly and she has been a very sick little lady. She has been waiting a very long time for a new kidney and her prayers were answered yesterday. She is in MN at Mayo. Her recovery will be long. Please pray for her, for her family. I know first hand how difficult it is to have a child in the hospital and other children to worry about as well. The juggling that parents of ill children are required to do every day can be overwhelming at times. Prayer works. So, please lift Samantha and her family up in prayer.

Elijah and the fog

This morning was very foggy outside, or 'froggy' as some of my children call it. Anyway, the kids were standing at the bottom of our driveway waiting for the bus. Elijah, being the rambunxious boy he is, was running and doing tricks while he waited. Suddenly he stopped and said ths:
E: Mommy, wouldn't it be cool if I jumped like this, (demonstration) and I left a great big print of ME in the frog?
Me: That would be very cool son.
E: I think I will work on figuring out a way to do exactly that!
Me: laughing...
E: we could all make prints in the frog that would be fun,wouldn't it mommy.

Urgent Prayer Request

Please pray for the Hadley Family.
I have posted of their son, Gabe who has been fighting cancer. Today their oldest daughter came home from school to find Doug (dad) lying on the floor. 911 was called. Doug passed away today. Leaving 5 children and his wife, shocked and devestated. Tomorrow Michelle (mom) along with Doug's parents will tell the younger children. Please pray God's grace will surround the family and His love will protect them. I can only imagine the pain in their hearts today, as a daughter who was present at her own fathers death...my heart aches for Lexie. Thank you for your prayers.

last blast of summer fun

We ended the last summer weekend with a visit from the ice cream truck. The kids were out doors playing away the last precious moments of the summer evening when they heard the faint melodies played by the friendly ice cream lady. They patiently, or um, not so patiently, waited the 15 minutes it took her to make her way up our hill. arriving right on time to satisfy their cravings for their favorite summer time treats. YUM!
Scott and the kids played a rousing game or 2 or 3 of croquet this afternoon, it was 90+ degrees out there, so you all know that I stayed indoors with the babe... ;0)
For dinner we BBQ'd again. This is a treat we will continue to do even though summer has faded into early, and I mean early, fall. beings that the temperatures have no idea what time of year it is. We have been known to haul the trusty old BBQ onto the snow covered porch and grill up some dinner in the midst of the snow. BBQ smells completely different in the middle of January than it does this time of the year.
Hopeing you all had a wonderful ending to your fun filled summer and are ready with open arms to welcome my favorite time of the year. Fall....I love it! the cool crisp air, sweat shirt wearing weather, the colors, the smells....love it! Bring it on!!!

Party for 2

Cakes....what an ordeal it was chooseing cakes! Finally we decided I would make Amaris's cake and order one for Sam from DQ. A giraffe cake was her plan, little did I know she wanted a crazy giraffe cake...it turned out cute anyway. Story of the DQ cake...Philip was in town unexpectedly for the weekend in between jobs. He offered to pick up Sam's cake for me. THANKS!! HE broughtit up, Put it in the freezer and we went about our day. Around 1pm we decided to BBQ for dinner, I went down took the cake out of the freezer to find meat to Cook on the grill, then Philip and I went B-day shopping, he needed my help in choosing the kids gifts. Came home cooked out, ate, did baths etc....Around 7pm Madison says, "hey why is Sam's cake on the laundry room floor?" Oh my WORD!!!!! I forgot to put it back in the freezer when I got out the meat. What a mess!!! SO, after church yesterday morning we stopped at DQ and bought another cake....What was I thinking?????
Sam opening his gift. Amaris at Uncle Cowboy's truck, he bought her the wooden doll house she wanted.
We had a great day. Dom couldn't make it home for cake, he had too much reading and 3 essays to write. But we got to see him Sat. He came home to get his drums....don't ask...I am sure his RA will very happy to know his drums have taken up new residents in the student suites....I am looking to see them return any day now...LOL

8/31/2008 Happy 8th birthday Amaris

Amaris had a birthday yesterday, sice it was Sunday and we had church in the morning, small party in between and church last night. I had no time to post. Happy Birthday sweet girl. You are growing up so fast. I am so happy you had a wonderful day.