June 15, 2003
It was a warm and breezy Sunday afternoon. There was excitement in the air. We had spent the day before cleaning organizing and shopping for our 2 new house guests. Sunday after church we arrived home anxious and excited. We all wanted everything just so. We wanted the first impression of our family to be a good one for these 2 little angels coming to stay. I remember Madison perched in the front window watching impatiently for the car to pull in the drive. It was hard to believe the day had finally arrived, the day we all prepared for all the training hours the 10 weeks of classes the 30 hours of paying for a babysitter. We then survived the stress of our first of many home study visits and inspections we had received our license a few months before. All this anticipation and waiting for the unknown. We had explained to the children that a child coming into our home would likely not be Caucasian, would likely be handicapped in some way or maybe sick. After all when we had filled out our paper work this was a preference. Any race and disability in fact our only rule was the child had to be younger than our youngest.
Imagine our surprise when we opened the door to see 2 frail looking Caucasian children.
The older of the duo was a girl. she had a baby face but years of life lived in her eyes. The younger was a boy, 8 months old and not healthy looking. Pale. very thin.
The things we learned that first day no class could have ever prepared us for. To see a child who was 2 and half years old believe it was her sole responsibility to provide care for her baby brother. To see these children tremor and shake shivering from withdrawal. Shudder at the slightest movement in their direction as if they will be hit at any moment or maybe every moment.
As we made our way through those first days and weeks we realized how sick these children were. One was hospitalized both were diagnosed with asthma bother spent many hours in the doctors office. One was seriously delayed in overall milestones the other had a language vocabulary that would make a sailor blush.
Over time we found doctors to help therapists to work with us and teach us how to work with the children. for 23 months we worked with the birth family for reunification. 4 times a week for 4 years we did OT, PT, speech therapy with the baby. We made progress.
The older one slowly began to trust and allow herself to be loved. Her angry outburst became fewer and further between.
Adoption day arrived. What a bitter sweet day for us. Closing the book of their traumatic past and Opening the new book of a bright future.
Multiple diagnosis had been made during the 23 previous months. We worked diligently to change those. Daily therapy at home weekly therapy outside of the home. PRAYER lots and lots of PRAYER.
Looking at these children today it is difficult to believe they are the same traumatized, frail, sick, broken and scared children who arrived in our home 9 years ago.
Over the years we have taken many classes read many books and sought the help support and advice of many professionals.
I have road the roller coaster of emotion. Recently I have learned that bio parents are actually doing well now. They are no longer married but doing well independent of each other. I struggled for about 8 months on whether it is a good idea or not to make contact. The decision was made easier by circumstance that we have no control over.
Time has not been kind to our boy. He has always struggled with behavior, self control and sensory things. But things began to spiral out of control about 18 months ago prompting us to seek professional evaluations and intervention.
It is heart breaking to see this sweet boy and his big beautiful brown eyes. Looking so sad and filled with turmoil. To see him impulsively lash out and injure a sibling then show no remorse what so ever. to see him smile so rarely that every time he does smile it brings tears to your eyes.
He is struggling daily and sometimes hourly to control his actions thought and words. Temper is an understatement, he is filled with a rage that is unimaginable.
Last week I sat in the office of his therapist begging for guidance, for a secret way to reach through all the stuff in his heart to help me find that sweet wide eyed little boy I know is hiding in there somewhere.
Through tears and a choked up voice I begged for answers. When finally I raised my eyes to look into hers I saw a sadness that surprised me. When she spoke it was in a low even voice saturated in sorrow and regret.
As she explained to me her thoughts I found it difficult to concentrate. There were moments when the room seemed to be off kilter and her voice warped. Due to incredible level of drugs that had remained in his little system even at 8 months when he arrived in our home, due to the alcohol consumption while inutero, due to the traumatic events he witnessed and experienced from conception to removal. There is little we can do. These facts exposures and events caused damage to his developing brain.
damage
irreversible
damage
altering his brain forever
we have a vegetable soup of diagnosis and absolutely no plan or inkling of a plan of action to help him make progress. He has injured 2 siblings in 4 weeks. The level of rage in his little body is unreal. He has injured himself. He lives in a sate of hyper vigilance that he feels the need to protect himself at all times.
I have learned that no matter how many classes I take I am no where near knowledgeable enough to properly parent this child. I need help I need more classes more books more discussion.
And today I find myself angry. ANGRY. very very angry.
I am angry at his bio mom for taking drugs while she knew she was pregnant, they planned this pregnancy for crying out loud. The LEAST she could have done was stay clean for the pregnancy.
I am angry that they lied about what they were involved in during and following the pregnancy.
I am angry at her for drinking even after being counseled of the damage it could cause her unborn child.
I am angry that such things and choices could be made and imposed on an unborn child who now is forced to learn how to walk through life with the affects of those choices.
I am angry that my sweet boy rarely smiles, struggles daily and fights just to make it through each day.
I will find a way.
One thing is sure. This kind of anger in me acts as fuel to motivate me to find resources and help for my boy. I will call, travel, read and take any classes seminars any time any where. If it would give me a chance of helping my son find his way out of his turmoil and into a smile....
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Saturday, July 28, 2012
As I was driving through the country side the other day, normally I enjoy the scenery. What I was noticing was the effects of the drought we are experiencing here in the midwest. All the lush green was replaced by brittle brown, then I noticed something else. scattered among the brittel brown were splashes of bright green. I realized the bright green were patches of weeds. Funny how weeds thrive and survive even in a terrible drought.
I got to thinking about the weeds and life. Sin, like the weeds, thrive and survive on little or no food. lies, gossip, hatred, etc.
It takes time and work to grow in the Lord. We have to feed our souls with the word, water our spirit with a healthy prayer life. If we fail to do so, our faith will wither and dry like the brittle brown that surrounds us in the midwest. and the weeds or sin grows, and spreads.
I got to thinking about the weeds and life. Sin, like the weeds, thrive and survive on little or no food. lies, gossip, hatred, etc.
It takes time and work to grow in the Lord. We have to feed our souls with the word, water our spirit with a healthy prayer life. If we fail to do so, our faith will wither and dry like the brittle brown that surrounds us in the midwest. and the weeds or sin grows, and spreads.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
the dash
have you ever read the poem about the dash?
it was written about the hyphen between your birth date and your death date. prompting thought to be given about how we are spending our time in the dash. for that is truly more important than the 2 individual dates. how we live our lives, treat others, what we hold as near and dear, Who we hold near and dear.
I have had opportunity over the last couple months to ponder this thought with knowing several people who have lost loved ones, losing a family member myself, and the anniversary of my fathers death. I have sat through a couple funerals and been able to speak with loved ones who have been left behind. These talks, these moments, these events have prompted me to think.
I think the first I realized I was thinking about this was when a friend had a dilemma. She asked me what would I do if I was asked to speak at the funeral of a person I did not like, nor had respect for.
I thought a lot about that and finally had to tell her that I had no idea what I would do. Honestly, do you stand in front of family and friends and lie to save the feelings of the living? or do you decline the speaking and be forced to explain why? do you speak and tell the truth?? I could not advise her. After much more thought, I THINK I would decline and try to find a graceful way out. maybe.
Then came the anniversary of my fathers death and with that every year I am taken back in time. I wonder if I am a person who he would have been proud of. I wonder if the life I have carved out is one that he would approve of.
Then my uncle passed away, truth is he committed suicide. which prompted me to think long and hard about life living and how I am spending my life, love, energy and the gifts God has given me. Am I honoring the ONE who saved me even before I knew HIM?
When my time arrives and someone is standing in front of a church, flowers all around and they look out into the congregation what will they see? Will there be people? What will this speaker have to say about the time I spent in the dash?
What would I want for people to say about my time in the dash, that is the pressing question on my mind.
it was written about the hyphen between your birth date and your death date. prompting thought to be given about how we are spending our time in the dash. for that is truly more important than the 2 individual dates. how we live our lives, treat others, what we hold as near and dear, Who we hold near and dear.
I have had opportunity over the last couple months to ponder this thought with knowing several people who have lost loved ones, losing a family member myself, and the anniversary of my fathers death. I have sat through a couple funerals and been able to speak with loved ones who have been left behind. These talks, these moments, these events have prompted me to think.
I think the first I realized I was thinking about this was when a friend had a dilemma. She asked me what would I do if I was asked to speak at the funeral of a person I did not like, nor had respect for.
I thought a lot about that and finally had to tell her that I had no idea what I would do. Honestly, do you stand in front of family and friends and lie to save the feelings of the living? or do you decline the speaking and be forced to explain why? do you speak and tell the truth?? I could not advise her. After much more thought, I THINK I would decline and try to find a graceful way out. maybe.
Then came the anniversary of my fathers death and with that every year I am taken back in time. I wonder if I am a person who he would have been proud of. I wonder if the life I have carved out is one that he would approve of.
Then my uncle passed away, truth is he committed suicide. which prompted me to think long and hard about life living and how I am spending my life, love, energy and the gifts God has given me. Am I honoring the ONE who saved me even before I knew HIM?
When my time arrives and someone is standing in front of a church, flowers all around and they look out into the congregation what will they see? Will there be people? What will this speaker have to say about the time I spent in the dash?
What would I want for people to say about my time in the dash, that is the pressing question on my mind.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Elijah update
I am happy to report the leg injury is healing nicely. He is antsy to get back to playing baseball. We begin practice for the fall ball team tonight then try out for tournament ball will be Aug 11. He also announced he wants to play BOTH league and tournament ball next spring. My thought is there is no such thing as too much baseball for a boy who loves it as much as he does, and if at any time he decides it is too much we will absolutely cut back or stop. He is in the drivers seat now. I am still working on Scott to come around to my view on the subject. LOL
The results of Elijah's MRI and EEG were in early last week. He was diagnosed with seizure disorder not otherwise specified. Meaning the EEG showed abnormal activity that appeared to be seizure type activity but the were unable to diagnose the type of seizure it is. The doctor has ordered a 72 hour in-patient video EEG to be done for proper diagnosing. Since this is not an emergency I requested they give me a couple weeks to arrange child care meals etc for the other children. Since it is required that I stay in the hospital with him for the entire 72 hours I need time to get the other children situated. There is a lot to consider and a lot to be juggled in a large family.
We will be admitted the morning of August 6. Sometime that morning or the night before Amaris will be going to my friend Emily's house where she will stay the entire time. What a blessing! As of now the boys will all be home. Monday my friend Deb and her kids are coming over to hang out and help Isaiah with kids Deb is also blessing us with dinner that night! Tuesday evening our friends Doug and Diane are bringing pizza for dinner, and Thursday my friend Angela is blessing us with dinner! the rest of the time is yet to be scheduled. I am OK with it, this is exactly why I requested time to juggle!
In addition to making sure that the kiddos here at home are all covered I am trying to figure out activities to keep Elijah busy. He will have to stay in the bed the entire 72 hours unless he has to use the bathroom. That is a lot of hours to sit and do nothing. If anyone reading this has any great ideas to keep a 12 year old boy busy while stuck in a hospital bed for 72 hours please let me know!!
He plans to bring his bible quiz study book but lets be real here, he wont want to read that the entire time.
Here is my prayer request for this time:
1. that the children at home and with friends would be safe and well behaved
2. that Elijah would have a recordable seizure quickly so we can be discharged with the proper diagnosis and treatment plan
I have a tremendous amount of peace about this whole procedure and feel confident that the doctor will gather the correct information and we will be able to get this under control before School starts and before fall ball season gets underway. Once we have control over these episodes Elijah will feel more comfortable and confident.
The results of Elijah's MRI and EEG were in early last week. He was diagnosed with seizure disorder not otherwise specified. Meaning the EEG showed abnormal activity that appeared to be seizure type activity but the were unable to diagnose the type of seizure it is. The doctor has ordered a 72 hour in-patient video EEG to be done for proper diagnosing. Since this is not an emergency I requested they give me a couple weeks to arrange child care meals etc for the other children. Since it is required that I stay in the hospital with him for the entire 72 hours I need time to get the other children situated. There is a lot to consider and a lot to be juggled in a large family.
We will be admitted the morning of August 6. Sometime that morning or the night before Amaris will be going to my friend Emily's house where she will stay the entire time. What a blessing! As of now the boys will all be home. Monday my friend Deb and her kids are coming over to hang out and help Isaiah with kids Deb is also blessing us with dinner that night! Tuesday evening our friends Doug and Diane are bringing pizza for dinner, and Thursday my friend Angela is blessing us with dinner! the rest of the time is yet to be scheduled. I am OK with it, this is exactly why I requested time to juggle!
In addition to making sure that the kiddos here at home are all covered I am trying to figure out activities to keep Elijah busy. He will have to stay in the bed the entire 72 hours unless he has to use the bathroom. That is a lot of hours to sit and do nothing. If anyone reading this has any great ideas to keep a 12 year old boy busy while stuck in a hospital bed for 72 hours please let me know!!
He plans to bring his bible quiz study book but lets be real here, he wont want to read that the entire time.
Here is my prayer request for this time:
1. that the children at home and with friends would be safe and well behaved
2. that Elijah would have a recordable seizure quickly so we can be discharged with the proper diagnosis and treatment plan
I have a tremendous amount of peace about this whole procedure and feel confident that the doctor will gather the correct information and we will be able to get this under control before School starts and before fall ball season gets underway. Once we have control over these episodes Elijah will feel more comfortable and confident.
I have noticed this happens to me a couple times a year. So it is not a new feeling nor is it new to this blog. I am feeling completely overwhelmed with stuff. Stuff is over taking my house, my life and I feel like I am drowning. I know it gets out of hand when I start out my day and end my day crabby because I have to spend time picking up stuff and putting it away.
So. Saturday morning I announced to the family we are going to play a game. The game begins today and ends August 4.
Here are the rules:
1. we must all participate.
2. we are pretending we are preparing to move to a SMALLER house and are not able to take everything with us.
3. Each family member is responsible for their own area. ie bedroom closet dressers etc. IF mom has to take care of someone elses area they will LOSE a lot more STUFF than if they do it themselves.
4. we will have designated piles. 1. throw away (if it is broken or unusable by others) 2. donate (if it is in good shape and someone else could use it. 3. keep (it must be something you use currently, wear or need)
5. no complaining meet the deadline August 4. (or mom will take care of it for you)
As I was laying in bed last night and again this morning while I was getting ready for the day, I imagined all the things I was going to accomplish in this game today. I was going to set the pace and example for the kids to follow and we were going to get this project done WAY before the deadline.
HA! double HA HA!!
I have found that my imagination is in great shape! I can accomplish many things while laying in bed or standing under the warm rhythmic stream of my morning shower. In my imagination the children are all cooperative. In reality?? not so much!
I was awakened this morning at 6:06am to the insistent cries of Spuds who was hungry and wet and wanting to be held. I dragged myself out of bed asking myself every step of the way why I had stayed up so late. I stumbled to the kitchen made a bottle (it was the regularly scheduled time for the bottle, the only difference between today and every other day is that I always have to WAKE him to feed him at 6 which gives me the opportunity to wake myself up grab a cup of coffee and have a little chat with God before I wake him, today for whatever reason he was awake and cranky before my alarm went off) I skipped the coffee, changed his diaper, and snuggled on the couch to feed him. praying he would drift back to sleep so I could have a bit of time to myself....NOPE. out trots Burrito at 6:18am. and so my day began....
I really wanted to get through the kitchen this morning Baby J was crabby from the moment he woke up, his crabbiness is partly due to the fact that I broke him completely of his bottle and what he really wants first thing in the morning is a bottle. so we endure about 30 minutes of screaming until he finally gives in to the cup.
So my morning consisted of extra cranky babies, poopie diapers, fighting children, naughty puppies blah blah blah.........needless to say I did not accomplish any of my imagined tasks.
Please do not be mislead by this post, I love my children, I love being the mom of a large family. I chose this life, I love this life. but some days I just want to get the things on my to do list done! I want to run my errands, make my list and check it off with out stopping to deal with tantrums, fighting, screaming, crying etc.
I am not sure how this project of mine will turn out. My hope is that we will find a way to be successful. I have to come again to the place where its alright, it is alright if the reality is not as good as the imagined. It is alright if the house is not perfectly clean and organized at all times. (or any time) the most important thing is focusing on the treasures I have in the house. it would just be nice to find some organizational peace in the middle of it all.
So. Saturday morning I announced to the family we are going to play a game. The game begins today and ends August 4.
Here are the rules:
1. we must all participate.
2. we are pretending we are preparing to move to a SMALLER house and are not able to take everything with us.
3. Each family member is responsible for their own area. ie bedroom closet dressers etc. IF mom has to take care of someone elses area they will LOSE a lot more STUFF than if they do it themselves.
4. we will have designated piles. 1. throw away (if it is broken or unusable by others) 2. donate (if it is in good shape and someone else could use it. 3. keep (it must be something you use currently, wear or need)
5. no complaining meet the deadline August 4. (or mom will take care of it for you)
As I was laying in bed last night and again this morning while I was getting ready for the day, I imagined all the things I was going to accomplish in this game today. I was going to set the pace and example for the kids to follow and we were going to get this project done WAY before the deadline.
HA! double HA HA!!
I have found that my imagination is in great shape! I can accomplish many things while laying in bed or standing under the warm rhythmic stream of my morning shower. In my imagination the children are all cooperative. In reality?? not so much!
I was awakened this morning at 6:06am to the insistent cries of Spuds who was hungry and wet and wanting to be held. I dragged myself out of bed asking myself every step of the way why I had stayed up so late. I stumbled to the kitchen made a bottle (it was the regularly scheduled time for the bottle, the only difference between today and every other day is that I always have to WAKE him to feed him at 6 which gives me the opportunity to wake myself up grab a cup of coffee and have a little chat with God before I wake him, today for whatever reason he was awake and cranky before my alarm went off) I skipped the coffee, changed his diaper, and snuggled on the couch to feed him. praying he would drift back to sleep so I could have a bit of time to myself....NOPE. out trots Burrito at 6:18am. and so my day began....
I really wanted to get through the kitchen this morning Baby J was crabby from the moment he woke up, his crabbiness is partly due to the fact that I broke him completely of his bottle and what he really wants first thing in the morning is a bottle. so we endure about 30 minutes of screaming until he finally gives in to the cup.
So my morning consisted of extra cranky babies, poopie diapers, fighting children, naughty puppies blah blah blah.........needless to say I did not accomplish any of my imagined tasks.
Please do not be mislead by this post, I love my children, I love being the mom of a large family. I chose this life, I love this life. but some days I just want to get the things on my to do list done! I want to run my errands, make my list and check it off with out stopping to deal with tantrums, fighting, screaming, crying etc.
I am not sure how this project of mine will turn out. My hope is that we will find a way to be successful. I have to come again to the place where its alright, it is alright if the reality is not as good as the imagined. It is alright if the house is not perfectly clean and organized at all times. (or any time) the most important thing is focusing on the treasures I have in the house. it would just be nice to find some organizational peace in the middle of it all.
Friday, July 13, 2012
good grief!
Good grief is about the only thing I can think to say.
I have been working for 3 days on a snap-fish order, I have had photos piling up in my account for a couple months now and Scott's recent trip to NYC has prompted me to get moving on finalizing my order. I don't know if I waited this long because I was hoping for some fabulous coupon saving me hundreds of dollars and gifting me with a special album for free or if I just cant bare to part with the money that it will take to have this ginormous order delivered....or maybe I just have a difficult time committing to the order itself, do I want normal size photos? do I want wall photos? how about a book or calendar or mug to sip my coffee???? What do I WANT????? So I finally got down to business. loaded my "cart" with all my choices, changed my mind 4 times. deleted this added that enlarged this one and made a special book. deep breath I was ready after all those changes and 4 day to click "CHECK OUT" all 999 (no lie or exaggeration) 999 why I did not make it an even 1000 is beyond me and maybe that is why what happened happened, who knows....I clicked process order and voila! gone....my cart is empty my order disappeared into cyber space never to be seen again. I just cant bare the thought of having to trudge through this all over again. Silly as this sounds, ordering photos is a very daunting task for me.
Good grief! I just cant do it all over again right now. Sorry Scott you will just have to wait for your NYC photo book and memories.
I have been working for 3 days on a snap-fish order, I have had photos piling up in my account for a couple months now and Scott's recent trip to NYC has prompted me to get moving on finalizing my order. I don't know if I waited this long because I was hoping for some fabulous coupon saving me hundreds of dollars and gifting me with a special album for free or if I just cant bare to part with the money that it will take to have this ginormous order delivered....or maybe I just have a difficult time committing to the order itself, do I want normal size photos? do I want wall photos? how about a book or calendar or mug to sip my coffee???? What do I WANT????? So I finally got down to business. loaded my "cart" with all my choices, changed my mind 4 times. deleted this added that enlarged this one and made a special book. deep breath I was ready after all those changes and 4 day to click "CHECK OUT" all 999 (no lie or exaggeration) 999 why I did not make it an even 1000 is beyond me and maybe that is why what happened happened, who knows....I clicked process order and voila! gone....my cart is empty my order disappeared into cyber space never to be seen again. I just cant bare the thought of having to trudge through this all over again. Silly as this sounds, ordering photos is a very daunting task for me.
Good grief! I just cant do it all over again right now. Sorry Scott you will just have to wait for your NYC photo book and memories.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Elijah
As I sat there today in the MRI room with ELIJAH ( not Isaiah) on the table. watching him as he slid into the hole of the machine it was almost as if the machine ate him for lunch. I had plenty of time to sit and think. This was Elijah's first MRI. He is a newbie. So he was a bit nervous and wanted me in there with him. which is fine, Lord knows I have sat through many of these with Isaiah!!! the down fall is that you can take nothing in the room with you, no book to read no kindle for sure! not paper and pen to write. Just yourself. sitting for EVER listening to the knock knock knocking of the huge machine as it whirs and revs its mighty engine....heeheeee maybe not mighty and probably no engine but it truly does sound that bad!
As I sat my mind went wandering. back in time to every MRI I have held Isaiah's foot through. I let the memories wash over me. I wondered to myself briefly, why was this happening to Elijah? he is the healthy child. then I instantly felt guilt for thinking such thoughts. Illness and i9njury can happen to anyone, and in a family such as ours it is probably more likely to have illness and inn jury. I wonder what the statistics look like for potpourri families like mine. I mean seriously. Only 2 out 9 have full genetic links to Scott and myself, another 2 have full genetic link to each other but not the rest of us, another 2 have partial genetic linking and then there is #9. I LOVE my potpourri family!
Back to Elijah.
He has been having staring spells that last 5-40 minutes where he has no recollection and complete confusion when they pass. He also gets migraines with these spells about 60% of the time. We started with our family doctor who then referred us to pediatric neurology. We visited her and she ordered an EEG and an MRI Lij then proceeded to BEG to wait until after camp and baseball season. We formulated an emergency plan to get us through and set the testing for later. Later has arrived. Both tests have been done and we are now waiting for the office to call and schedule a follow up appointment.
In the mean time. The crazy kid was at baseball practice late last week and his leg slid out from under him goofy. He was hurting badly enough to cry and ask to go home early. A late night trip into urgent care X-Rays and we got a diagnosis of strain of the IT Band. Ibuprofen and ice. were prescribed and his only question for the doctor was can I play in the baseball tournament this weekend???? Doctor said as long as he can tolerate the pain he can play.
Elijah pulled himself out of the first game after 2 innings and after more ibuprofen and ice was ready to play the second game.
Sunday after his tournament and after the kids and I got done at church we headed out to Paula and Terry's farm to celebrate Levi leaving for boot camp. Well we didn't celebrate him LEAVING we celebrated HIM. LOL
Of course my crazy boy could not resist the trampoline or the hay bales or the barns or.....so he played and played HARD. and paid the price Monday and today! Hi pain went through the roof. we are back to ice and ibuprofen. BOYS!
If you ask him, all he is concerned about is whether or not he will be able to play baseball.
I am confident that in the end of all this. we will have a great treatment plan that will allow him to continue playing ball.
As I sat my mind went wandering. back in time to every MRI I have held Isaiah's foot through. I let the memories wash over me. I wondered to myself briefly, why was this happening to Elijah? he is the healthy child. then I instantly felt guilt for thinking such thoughts. Illness and i9njury can happen to anyone, and in a family such as ours it is probably more likely to have illness and inn jury. I wonder what the statistics look like for potpourri families like mine. I mean seriously. Only 2 out 9 have full genetic links to Scott and myself, another 2 have full genetic link to each other but not the rest of us, another 2 have partial genetic linking and then there is #9. I LOVE my potpourri family!
Back to Elijah.
He has been having staring spells that last 5-40 minutes where he has no recollection and complete confusion when they pass. He also gets migraines with these spells about 60% of the time. We started with our family doctor who then referred us to pediatric neurology. We visited her and she ordered an EEG and an MRI Lij then proceeded to BEG to wait until after camp and baseball season. We formulated an emergency plan to get us through and set the testing for later. Later has arrived. Both tests have been done and we are now waiting for the office to call and schedule a follow up appointment.
In the mean time. The crazy kid was at baseball practice late last week and his leg slid out from under him goofy. He was hurting badly enough to cry and ask to go home early. A late night trip into urgent care X-Rays and we got a diagnosis of strain of the IT Band. Ibuprofen and ice. were prescribed and his only question for the doctor was can I play in the baseball tournament this weekend???? Doctor said as long as he can tolerate the pain he can play.
Elijah pulled himself out of the first game after 2 innings and after more ibuprofen and ice was ready to play the second game.
Sunday after his tournament and after the kids and I got done at church we headed out to Paula and Terry's farm to celebrate Levi leaving for boot camp. Well we didn't celebrate him LEAVING we celebrated HIM. LOL
Of course my crazy boy could not resist the trampoline or the hay bales or the barns or.....so he played and played HARD. and paid the price Monday and today! Hi pain went through the roof. we are back to ice and ibuprofen. BOYS!
If you ask him, all he is concerned about is whether or not he will be able to play baseball.
I am confident that in the end of all this. we will have a great treatment plan that will allow him to continue playing ball.
Friday, July 6, 2012
meandering heart...
I have thought daily and sometimes multiple times daily of things I want to write. It seems there are always words floating around my heart and mind that cry to be written. I have been without access to a computer for a couple weeks. I tried recording the meanderings of my mind in my phone and transferring them to my blog but that was unsuccessful. then I tried from the I-Pad this also failed. Then there were times I wanted, REALLY w2anted to open up and pour my heart out on the pages of this blog. stopped, thought and decided those were the days the words were best left tucked inside my heart.
Suffice it to say, my heart and mind are literally bubbling over with words and I am trying to sort them out and choose wisely which are appropriate to share and which are not.
topics I can not share on: Baby J. for legal and confidentiality reasons my roller coaster ride with this sweet boy are off limits. Just please, if you read my blog, say some prayers for him, his life and future. God knows every detail of his little life I am merely a small part.
Madison. My heart aches over her. I have no idea where I went wrong. I did the best I knew to do with the supports and resources I had. Did I make mistakes along the way? YES. were they enough for her to walk away and cut me completely out of her life? no. I have come to the harsh reality that I must continue to love her as I always have, unconditionally and no matter what. BUT I can not chase her I can not force her. I will pray wait and be here IF or when she chooses to come home again. I have SO many details I would like to pour onto this page. but out of respect to her I choose not to, at least not now.
Now for the updates I CAN share:
We are looking forward to the end of this month and praying that the supreme courts are quick with their decision to uphold the ruling of our local courts so we can move forward with our adoption of Spuds. This little guy is such a blessing and joy to our family. He seems to be a medical and developmental mystery. We seem to take a step forward and 2 steps back. I know there is SOMETHING I just cant figure out what that something is. He is globally delayed by at least 3 months. Language is about 4 months delayed. He is 8 months old and is just learning to play peek-a-boo. What a glorious sight to see. He actually smiles and on occasion will actually smile! I want to sit with him all day and soak up every tiny little bit of growth and progress. forget about my chores forget about dinner and laundry and errands and bathrooms that need cleaning. I don't want to miss one single step forward! There are times, like last night, I sat on the couch in the quiet of the night just Spuds and me. I was talking and singing and he laid there, staring at me, no response came from that sweet face. there were moments where it LOOKED as if he WANTED to smile or speak or coo but he just could not find a way to actually DO it. He is so sweet in those moments totally connected to me with his eyes. We will be going back to IA City at the end of this month, we are praying for guidance, I have come to the conclusion that answers and a diagnosis are not likely, but am hopeful for at least direction and guidance.
Next in line is Burrito. Change is so difficult for him. He has surprised me this summer with an easier transition into a new routine. It has not been perfect by any stretch. But, he has done better overall than I expected. We have had no success at all in potty training. UGH! I have tried every trick I Can find, bought books, tapes, songs, done dances, bribed, sticker boards. NOTHING. Some days, he does well. I have given up. Just reinforces my decision to do 1 more year of preschool. He is not ready for Kindergarten. Burrito LOVES being outdoors. Loves swimming. loves our puppies. he still struggles with the wandering and running away which is scary and annoying at the same time. I am looking forward to our appointment in September with the new developmental pediatrician at Blank Children's Hospital.
Samuel: What a challenge this summer transition has been for him. I am praising God for an amazing Psych doc and excellent therapist who were added to our team a few months ago. We are working diligently to find ways to help Sam navigate through the world. He too will be seeing the developmental pediatrician in September we are also taking a trip soon to the Monroe Meyer institute in Omaha for some evals. I know under the melancholy exterior there lies a sweet happy boy waiting to be released. I will not stop searching until I find a way to help him find his way!! Samuel LOVES to be outdoors. He has an imagination that would BLOW YOU AWAY! He is very creative and loves to make things out of recycle materials. He also happens to have a fascination of taking things apart to see how they work, the only problem with this is that he then cant put them back together and instead of bring them to me to help him instead he BURIES them in thew back yard! it is definitely never boring around here!!
Amaris: Was recently crowned honor star at church. She looked so beautiful! I am so proud of her hard work and dedication to the Stars Program. We went together to Powette, and had the best time!! Amaris is trying to teach herself how to do flips cartwheels handsprings and all kinds of other acrobatic tricks. I sure do wish she would have developed an interest in such things when she was younger! I am afraid she is too old to join a club and learn.....anyone out there who is a part of this world and has an idea please let me know. I love watching her flip around the yard it lights up her face like nothing else! The pride she has in her accomplishment is wonderful to see!!
Elijah: Has had a disappointing year of baseball. He has been struggling with migraines and seizures and his mounting fear of them shows on the field. He is becoming very discouraged. This breaks my heart. He is a very good ball player and loves the game more than just about anything. We are working with e neurologist to figure out his episodes and hopefully will be able to rebuild his confidence before fall ball begins. I hate to see him so sad. On the up side.....He just returned from the trip of a lifetime to NYC with Scott. They went to Yankee Stadium saw 2 games and explored nearly every inch of the city.
Isaiah: I do not know what I would do with out my Isaiah! He is amazing with the children. He is always helpful, I love how he just cleans up or takes the trash out because he saw it needed done instead of me having to ask. He went to CAMP!!! Is wanting to get a JOB! and I am pushing him to get his permit so he can take drivers ed. I am super proud of the progress he has made in stretching himself out of his comfort zone.
Madison....
Dominique: just returned from another tour with Expire. Has been working a lot saving a lot and getting ready to go on a world tour at the end of summer. He is drumming again in a new band. I am so proud of the man he has become!! There is truly nothing in the world he can not do. I know he will do amazing things!
me: my heart continues to meander and I continue to chase it....
the kids and I are doing summer school at home with great geography adventures. We have gone on 'safari' to the prairie wild life refuge we have seen buffalo elk deer raccons and many other amazing creatures!
Once the heat breaks we will go on some new adventures.
Suffice it to say, my heart and mind are literally bubbling over with words and I am trying to sort them out and choose wisely which are appropriate to share and which are not.
topics I can not share on: Baby J. for legal and confidentiality reasons my roller coaster ride with this sweet boy are off limits. Just please, if you read my blog, say some prayers for him, his life and future. God knows every detail of his little life I am merely a small part.
Madison. My heart aches over her. I have no idea where I went wrong. I did the best I knew to do with the supports and resources I had. Did I make mistakes along the way? YES. were they enough for her to walk away and cut me completely out of her life? no. I have come to the harsh reality that I must continue to love her as I always have, unconditionally and no matter what. BUT I can not chase her I can not force her. I will pray wait and be here IF or when she chooses to come home again. I have SO many details I would like to pour onto this page. but out of respect to her I choose not to, at least not now.
Now for the updates I CAN share:
We are looking forward to the end of this month and praying that the supreme courts are quick with their decision to uphold the ruling of our local courts so we can move forward with our adoption of Spuds. This little guy is such a blessing and joy to our family. He seems to be a medical and developmental mystery. We seem to take a step forward and 2 steps back. I know there is SOMETHING I just cant figure out what that something is. He is globally delayed by at least 3 months. Language is about 4 months delayed. He is 8 months old and is just learning to play peek-a-boo. What a glorious sight to see. He actually smiles and on occasion will actually smile! I want to sit with him all day and soak up every tiny little bit of growth and progress. forget about my chores forget about dinner and laundry and errands and bathrooms that need cleaning. I don't want to miss one single step forward! There are times, like last night, I sat on the couch in the quiet of the night just Spuds and me. I was talking and singing and he laid there, staring at me, no response came from that sweet face. there were moments where it LOOKED as if he WANTED to smile or speak or coo but he just could not find a way to actually DO it. He is so sweet in those moments totally connected to me with his eyes. We will be going back to IA City at the end of this month, we are praying for guidance, I have come to the conclusion that answers and a diagnosis are not likely, but am hopeful for at least direction and guidance.
Next in line is Burrito. Change is so difficult for him. He has surprised me this summer with an easier transition into a new routine. It has not been perfect by any stretch. But, he has done better overall than I expected. We have had no success at all in potty training. UGH! I have tried every trick I Can find, bought books, tapes, songs, done dances, bribed, sticker boards. NOTHING. Some days, he does well. I have given up. Just reinforces my decision to do 1 more year of preschool. He is not ready for Kindergarten. Burrito LOVES being outdoors. Loves swimming. loves our puppies. he still struggles with the wandering and running away which is scary and annoying at the same time. I am looking forward to our appointment in September with the new developmental pediatrician at Blank Children's Hospital.
Samuel: What a challenge this summer transition has been for him. I am praising God for an amazing Psych doc and excellent therapist who were added to our team a few months ago. We are working diligently to find ways to help Sam navigate through the world. He too will be seeing the developmental pediatrician in September we are also taking a trip soon to the Monroe Meyer institute in Omaha for some evals. I know under the melancholy exterior there lies a sweet happy boy waiting to be released. I will not stop searching until I find a way to help him find his way!! Samuel LOVES to be outdoors. He has an imagination that would BLOW YOU AWAY! He is very creative and loves to make things out of recycle materials. He also happens to have a fascination of taking things apart to see how they work, the only problem with this is that he then cant put them back together and instead of bring them to me to help him instead he BURIES them in thew back yard! it is definitely never boring around here!!
Amaris: Was recently crowned honor star at church. She looked so beautiful! I am so proud of her hard work and dedication to the Stars Program. We went together to Powette, and had the best time!! Amaris is trying to teach herself how to do flips cartwheels handsprings and all kinds of other acrobatic tricks. I sure do wish she would have developed an interest in such things when she was younger! I am afraid she is too old to join a club and learn.....anyone out there who is a part of this world and has an idea please let me know. I love watching her flip around the yard it lights up her face like nothing else! The pride she has in her accomplishment is wonderful to see!!
Elijah: Has had a disappointing year of baseball. He has been struggling with migraines and seizures and his mounting fear of them shows on the field. He is becoming very discouraged. This breaks my heart. He is a very good ball player and loves the game more than just about anything. We are working with e neurologist to figure out his episodes and hopefully will be able to rebuild his confidence before fall ball begins. I hate to see him so sad. On the up side.....He just returned from the trip of a lifetime to NYC with Scott. They went to Yankee Stadium saw 2 games and explored nearly every inch of the city.
Isaiah: I do not know what I would do with out my Isaiah! He is amazing with the children. He is always helpful, I love how he just cleans up or takes the trash out because he saw it needed done instead of me having to ask. He went to CAMP!!! Is wanting to get a JOB! and I am pushing him to get his permit so he can take drivers ed. I am super proud of the progress he has made in stretching himself out of his comfort zone.
Madison....
Dominique: just returned from another tour with Expire. Has been working a lot saving a lot and getting ready to go on a world tour at the end of summer. He is drumming again in a new band. I am so proud of the man he has become!! There is truly nothing in the world he can not do. I know he will do amazing things!
me: my heart continues to meander and I continue to chase it....
the kids and I are doing summer school at home with great geography adventures. We have gone on 'safari' to the prairie wild life refuge we have seen buffalo elk deer raccons and many other amazing creatures!
Once the heat breaks we will go on some new adventures.
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