Today I went to visit the lung doctor who took care of me while I was in the hospital. My recovery for the most part is what he expected. Good news is no more pneumonia in either lung! Bad news all my air ways are still inflamed and swollen making it difficult to breathe at times and producing this annoying cough. For now we are calling it some sort of recovery induced asthma. No guarantee that it will ever go away. I received new scripts and orders to take cough medicine even if I don't like how 'High' I feel when taking it. UGH! I have to see him every 4 weeks until...he said it will just take time for my energy level to return to normal could be another month or 2!! Ack!! Didn't like hearing that either!
Listen to what happened while I was waiting:
As I walked into the waiting room carrying a clipboard full to the top of paper work to be filled out since this was my first visit to this office. I found a seat somewhat separate from others and noticed sitting not too far from me in a different section of chairs was a spunky little girl with a sparkle in her eye to match the spunk. As I settled into my paper work. (Oh how I dread paper work). I hear the constant chatter of this rosey cheeked little one spouting a million questions a hundred miles an hour without even taking in air between. I could not help but take notice of her she was bursting with questions: Grandma did you know you are my snugglebuddy did you know I love your scarf did you know that your scarf would make a great parachute didyouknowiamagoodshopperwhatsforlunch...on and on and on and...Grandma snaps "Shut up and sit down!!"
The precious child obeys and quietly begins to sing..."you better watch out....you better not cry..." Again Grandma responds with: "Shut the H*** up! Christmas is over! If you must sing, sing a different song!"
Precious (I decided that should be her name) looks down at her toes.
"Hear comes Peter Cottontail," whispered Precious in a sing-song sort of way. Grandma became engrossed in conversation with her friend. Gossip really, hateful dreadful gossipy stuff. I was appalled at the language that spewed from the mouths of these 2 elderly women.
As I sat trying to tune Potty-mouthed-grannies out....I watched in wonder as Precious twirled the parachute-scarf and whispered her song about Peter Cotton Tail hopping down a trail and knowif you are bad good....
My heart broke for the Granny's who were so wound up in their nasty gossip that they missed out on such sweetness unfolding on the floor of a waiting room....
Then my name was called and as I rose to follow the nurse I turned and winked at Precious....she even winked back!!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
the goings on of the fam.....
Dominique:
After deciding to move back home this semester. And having difficulty transfereing to DMACC Dom decided to take a semester off of school and work. As it happens plans change and he has been unable to find a job, no surprise in this economy. Huge draw back to my decisions of his high school years. I only allowed him to work summers. Which is now biting him in the butt because he has no experience and in these times there are many others more 'employable' than he.
An opportunity has presented itself for him to travel with a band for 3 months. At first I was sad frustrated upset. BUT then I thought. and I prayed. And I realized now is the time in his life to chase after his dreams. Being a musician is his dream. He is young with no responsibilities. So I gave my blessing and he will be leaving on February 20th.
It has been wonderful having him home, he has been so helpful while I have been sick. And he loves helping with Dropz of Hope! I pray that he realizes his dreams and has no regrets when he is old....
Madison:
As usual there are good days and then bad. Scott and Lij went to visit Madison on Feb. 6th. They had a good visit. Madison was unusually quiet during the visit. I think she is having some struggles right now.After the visit she made some not so great choices and lost all privileges again. We finally received a call from her Monday night. She has not been wanting to talk to me lately so she talked to Scott and seemed to be doing better. As with all healing journies it takes time, patience, love and prayer.
Isaiah:
This week Isaiah participated in the home school geography fair. He worked for a month studying and preparing for the fair. He made a Saudi Arabian dish called Kapsa, a chicken and rice kind of dish, it was really good! He also made flat bread and Hummus. Also very good. The night was fun. It was neat to see all the countries and states the other kids presented.
Isaiah is doing very well in school this year. I hope he decides to join in the youth program at church soon. He needs to have good friends. Isaiah has always had the tendency to keep to himself. I believe it is good for kjids to ok alone but Isaiah prefers to be alone and I want him to make friends and get out and do things. So I am hoping he will be open to joining the youth soon...
Elijah:
We had conferences last night. Lij is doing awesome in school. I am proud of him for all the hard work he puts into his school work. Tomorrow he will hit a huge milestone double digits! 10th birthday WOW! Lij is looking forward to baseball season. He is also very excited about 210 a new club he joined at church. I can not believe how much he has grown up this past year!!
Amaris:
I wish I had a good report on this little lady. Honestly I am kind of feeling like I really stink at raising daughters. I am questioning my ability to be a good mom to a daughter. I can not seem to get ti right with either of my precious girls. Conferences were a disaster for Amaris. No exaggeration!! She is so beautiful, so smart and talented. If she put half the energy into doing her best and making right choices she would be doing much better at school and home. Any of you moms out there that have a gift of the mother daughter deal please please pray for me and advice is always welcome. I want to be a good mom to all my kids...
I love this little lady....just not real happy at this moment!
Samuel:
What a sweet face! I was all worked up and worried about Sam's conferences because I know he has been struggling with behaviors at home, school and on the bus. I must say I am pleased in an odd sort of way about conferences for him. We have come to realize that there are many times Sam wants to make right choices but for some reason is lacking in the ability to control his impulse and that lands him in trouble. We have come up with some plans to help him make better choices and in turn will help him do better. He was very excited when we talked about them last night! YAY! We also have decided to consult with a doctor to have some evaluations done. Lets face it....truth be known we have no idea what effects the beginning of his life has had on his development. If there is some thing we can do to intervene and help him we will find it and do what ever it takes!
Zephan:
Oh my! All I can say is this little guy is 2. He is a ball of fire! He is into everything all the time. Recently he has discovered that he has the ability to make people laugh....now we are in trouble!
Scott:
Is trying to land back on his feet after being scared to death by my illness. He has done pretty good handling some of my usual duties, others we have to just let slide until I am back to 100%
He is enjoying the Olympics and anxiously awaiting spring training for the Yankees.
Me:
I am still trying to heal and get back to normal, what ever that is! Loving on my Dropz of Hope families. And praying God grants me the wisdopm and grace to be a better mom....
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Has anyone besides me ever woke up one morning with an overwhelming feeling of sorrow in their heart with no specific reason?
It is truly driving me crazy today.
I woke this morning and this deep sorrow filled my heart. As I showered and readied for my day I prayed. The sorrow just grew. It is like a cloud surrounding me. Yet I can not find its origin. I have searched my mind and heart and still find nothing.
So what causes such sorrow.
Sorrow so deep it actually has a palpable pain attached to it. Its as if my heart has an ache. I feel on the verge of tears. As if at any given moment I might burst into tears.
But what do they mean? Where are they coming from?
Today is not a day in which I should be sad....no tragic events mark this date on the calendar.
I have asked God to reveal to me what it means and so far nothing has come....the sorrow stays....puzzling and most annoying!
It is truly driving me crazy today.
I woke this morning and this deep sorrow filled my heart. As I showered and readied for my day I prayed. The sorrow just grew. It is like a cloud surrounding me. Yet I can not find its origin. I have searched my mind and heart and still find nothing.
So what causes such sorrow.
Sorrow so deep it actually has a palpable pain attached to it. Its as if my heart has an ache. I feel on the verge of tears. As if at any given moment I might burst into tears.
But what do they mean? Where are they coming from?
Today is not a day in which I should be sad....no tragic events mark this date on the calendar.
I have asked God to reveal to me what it means and so far nothing has come....the sorrow stays....puzzling and most annoying!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
I received the following post in an email today. It spoke so clearly to me that I felt it was worthy of sharing. I hope it lands in the right heart today. love love love
Search for Significance
"I’m fat,”
“I’m ugly,”
“I’m too old,”
“I’m too young,”
“I can’t compare to her,”
“Why would he marry someone like me?”
“I’m a bad mother,”
“I’ll never be good enough”…Shall I go on how many of us hear these words echo in our heads on any given day? Multiple times per day? Every moment?
I know this negative self talk is something I struggle with, thankfully, not as much as I used to. These are lies that we tell ourselves. Sadly, some of these lies have been instilled from the time we are very young.
For many women, we grow up thinking that our worth comes from how thin we are, how shiny our hair is, what parties we get invited to or how good our grades are. Later, as adults, we think (or are told) our worth comes from how well our children do in school, how clean our houses are, how much money is in our bank accounts or what brand purse we carry or what car we drive.
We strive to outdo our neighbors. Unfortunately, this behavior isn’t limited to non-Christian women. How many of you strive to bring the best dish to the church’s potluck, or sell the most cookies at the youth-group bake sale? How many of us triple check our children before leaving for church, making sure they look “just right”…and who among us clean our homes above and beyond our typical routine when we know the pastor’s wife is coming over, or the ladies from church? (I know my husband gets excited when the ladies from our church come over because I go crazy with cleaning and the house becomes spotless and smells of fresh bread and cookies!) And don’t get me started on how we really over do it at the holidays only to weep silently in the bathroom out of exhaustion – or because the turkey was dry?
Why do we do this to ourselves!?
Why is it that we constantly feel the need for reassurance that we are good enough?
Why do we feel that value needs to come from some outside source – mirrors, friends, family, children…etc. I struggled for so many years with the search for significance; looking to everyone and everything for validation of who I was – searching for someone or something to “define” me, to give me worth, to say, “Yes! You are needed! Yes! You have worth!
Yes you are loved!”
Every path I walked down in search for answers lead to some form of destruction – alcoholism, depression, illness followed me as I wandered farther and father down the path which could have lead to what often stems from such an ego-centric journey…that is, self-destruction.
That was until I found the answer to my never-ending quest for significance – I learned that I was a child of God! I learned that I was made for a purpose – His purpose. I learned that I was loved – SO loved, in fact, that God Himself gave up His only Son so that I might be forgiven for my sins (John 3:16). I learned that I didn’t need to be “good enough” on my own merit – that I was already good enough because I am His daughter! (Ephesians 1:14) I learned that it didn’t matter that I had done things that were so incredibly sinful because through Christ’s selfless act of love, His death, His sacrifice, I was made new and that my sins were erased – a clean slate! (II Corinthians 5:17) By coming to faith in Jesus Christ, I was given a purpose – to be a servant, to do whatever it is that God Himself wants me to do – What greater purpose is there than that!
The Bible tells us that, ‘while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us’ (Romans 5:8). In fact, we ‘were dead in trespasses and sins’ (Ephesians 2:1). What worth is there in dead things? None. God imputed to us His own righteousness (II Corinthians 5:21) not because we were worth of it, but because we were unworthy, unlovable, and unable to make ourselves worthy in any way. But – and here’s the miracle – He actually loved us in spite of our condition (John 3:16), and because He did, we now have infinite worth.”
How awesome it is, and what a relief, to know that we do not have to be good enough on our own merit!
Whew!
I am happy to know that my worth isn’t determined by my husbands ironed (or not!) work shirts, or the dust bunnies on top of my ceiling fan, or the extra weight I need to lose or even my college degrees.
Instead, my worth comes from knowing that I am a child of God – chosen before the world began as His daughter, made worthy by His death on the cross – justified by faith, made whole by His love!
It is my prayer that while your children are running around the grocery store, or when your bread burns, or after the scale gives you news you don’t want to see or during times when you feel less than lovable, that you remember that you are a child of God, made in His image (Genesis 1:25-27), fearfully and wonderfully made! (Psalm 139:13-16).
Hold your head up high, woman of God!
Look each day in the face and say, “Today I will walk each step with confidence knowing that I have worth and that I have a purpose; to use the gifts God has given me to serve the best purpose there is, His purpose. I will keep my ears open to His voice, my eyes open for opportunities to serve and my heart open to love others, and be loved in return. My value is given to me through my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ – and no other.” How awesome to know that our search for significance ended the moment we said, “Yes” to Christ! Now go out and celebrate who you are in Christ! Give praise to Him who delivered you from what could have been a never-ending and pain filled empty journey of self-hatred. Praise to the truth – the truth that set you free!
Search for Significance
"I’m fat,”
“I’m ugly,”
“I’m too old,”
“I’m too young,”
“I can’t compare to her,”
“Why would he marry someone like me?”
“I’m a bad mother,”
“I’ll never be good enough”…Shall I go on how many of us hear these words echo in our heads on any given day? Multiple times per day? Every moment?
I know this negative self talk is something I struggle with, thankfully, not as much as I used to. These are lies that we tell ourselves. Sadly, some of these lies have been instilled from the time we are very young.
For many women, we grow up thinking that our worth comes from how thin we are, how shiny our hair is, what parties we get invited to or how good our grades are. Later, as adults, we think (or are told) our worth comes from how well our children do in school, how clean our houses are, how much money is in our bank accounts or what brand purse we carry or what car we drive.
We strive to outdo our neighbors. Unfortunately, this behavior isn’t limited to non-Christian women. How many of you strive to bring the best dish to the church’s potluck, or sell the most cookies at the youth-group bake sale? How many of us triple check our children before leaving for church, making sure they look “just right”…and who among us clean our homes above and beyond our typical routine when we know the pastor’s wife is coming over, or the ladies from church? (I know my husband gets excited when the ladies from our church come over because I go crazy with cleaning and the house becomes spotless and smells of fresh bread and cookies!) And don’t get me started on how we really over do it at the holidays only to weep silently in the bathroom out of exhaustion – or because the turkey was dry?
Why do we do this to ourselves!?
Why is it that we constantly feel the need for reassurance that we are good enough?
Why do we feel that value needs to come from some outside source – mirrors, friends, family, children…etc. I struggled for so many years with the search for significance; looking to everyone and everything for validation of who I was – searching for someone or something to “define” me, to give me worth, to say, “Yes! You are needed! Yes! You have worth!
Yes you are loved!”
Every path I walked down in search for answers lead to some form of destruction – alcoholism, depression, illness followed me as I wandered farther and father down the path which could have lead to what often stems from such an ego-centric journey…that is, self-destruction.
That was until I found the answer to my never-ending quest for significance – I learned that I was a child of God! I learned that I was made for a purpose – His purpose. I learned that I was loved – SO loved, in fact, that God Himself gave up His only Son so that I might be forgiven for my sins (John 3:16). I learned that I didn’t need to be “good enough” on my own merit – that I was already good enough because I am His daughter! (Ephesians 1:14) I learned that it didn’t matter that I had done things that were so incredibly sinful because through Christ’s selfless act of love, His death, His sacrifice, I was made new and that my sins were erased – a clean slate! (II Corinthians 5:17) By coming to faith in Jesus Christ, I was given a purpose – to be a servant, to do whatever it is that God Himself wants me to do – What greater purpose is there than that!
The Bible tells us that, ‘while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us’ (Romans 5:8). In fact, we ‘were dead in trespasses and sins’ (Ephesians 2:1). What worth is there in dead things? None. God imputed to us His own righteousness (II Corinthians 5:21) not because we were worth of it, but because we were unworthy, unlovable, and unable to make ourselves worthy in any way. But – and here’s the miracle – He actually loved us in spite of our condition (John 3:16), and because He did, we now have infinite worth.”
How awesome it is, and what a relief, to know that we do not have to be good enough on our own merit!
Whew!
I am happy to know that my worth isn’t determined by my husbands ironed (or not!) work shirts, or the dust bunnies on top of my ceiling fan, or the extra weight I need to lose or even my college degrees.
Instead, my worth comes from knowing that I am a child of God – chosen before the world began as His daughter, made worthy by His death on the cross – justified by faith, made whole by His love!
It is my prayer that while your children are running around the grocery store, or when your bread burns, or after the scale gives you news you don’t want to see or during times when you feel less than lovable, that you remember that you are a child of God, made in His image (Genesis 1:25-27), fearfully and wonderfully made! (Psalm 139:13-16).
Hold your head up high, woman of God!
Look each day in the face and say, “Today I will walk each step with confidence knowing that I have worth and that I have a purpose; to use the gifts God has given me to serve the best purpose there is, His purpose. I will keep my ears open to His voice, my eyes open for opportunities to serve and my heart open to love others, and be loved in return. My value is given to me through my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ – and no other.” How awesome to know that our search for significance ended the moment we said, “Yes” to Christ! Now go out and celebrate who you are in Christ! Give praise to Him who delivered you from what could have been a never-ending and pain filled empty journey of self-hatred. Praise to the truth – the truth that set you free!
First-degree murder and attempted murder charges were filed Friday against 12-year-old Jacen Paul Pearson, who is accused of killing his stepfather and injuring his half-sister this week.
Pearson was taken into custody Wednesday night after his stepfather, Todd Alan Peek, was found dead from a gunshot wound in the family's rural Chariton home. Five-year-old Cheyanne Peek suffered a non-life-threatening gunshot wound to her leg.
Pearson faces four charges, all felonies: first-degree murder, two counts of attempted murder, and willful injury.
According to court records, Pearson "willfully, deliberately and with premeditation" killed Peek and attempted to kill his mother, Sarah Peek, and his half-sister, Cheyanne.
Because of his age, state law requires that Pearson be tried in juvenile court. Cases can be transferred to adult court only for juveniles age 16 or older.
However, Lucas County Attorney Paul Goldsmith can decide whether he will ask to have Pearson tried as a youthful offender.
If a court approves such a move and Pearson is found guilty, he could face court sanctions including possible imprisonment after his 18th birthday, according to Iowa law. If his case is handled as a juvenile court matter, state involvement would end when he turns 18.
Pearson is being held at the Polk County Juvenile Detention Center in Des Moines. The filing of the juvenile delinquency petition was the latest development stemming from the shooting on Wednesday afternoon.
This story has haunted me ever since I heard about it on the news the other night. I have thought of this little boy in my waking and sleeping hours. What kind of pain lives with in the walls of his heart that would cause him to take such drastic measures to relieve it? There must be an ocean raging within him that he could not contain. TWELVE YEARS OLD! for goodness sake....a little boy....I do not believe he is a monster. I just can not imagine the hopelessness that must have consumed him to resort to such an act. I pray for him. For his mother. For his sister. For his family. I pray God provides comfort for all of them. I pray God brings someone along in their lives to help calm the raging ocean that caused this to happen. I pray people do not see this little boy as a monster but as a boy who obviously is hurting beyond all imagination. My heart is shattered for this family.
Pearson was taken into custody Wednesday night after his stepfather, Todd Alan Peek, was found dead from a gunshot wound in the family's rural Chariton home. Five-year-old Cheyanne Peek suffered a non-life-threatening gunshot wound to her leg.
Pearson faces four charges, all felonies: first-degree murder, two counts of attempted murder, and willful injury.
According to court records, Pearson "willfully, deliberately and with premeditation" killed Peek and attempted to kill his mother, Sarah Peek, and his half-sister, Cheyanne.
Because of his age, state law requires that Pearson be tried in juvenile court. Cases can be transferred to adult court only for juveniles age 16 or older.
However, Lucas County Attorney Paul Goldsmith can decide whether he will ask to have Pearson tried as a youthful offender.
If a court approves such a move and Pearson is found guilty, he could face court sanctions including possible imprisonment after his 18th birthday, according to Iowa law. If his case is handled as a juvenile court matter, state involvement would end when he turns 18.
Pearson is being held at the Polk County Juvenile Detention Center in Des Moines. The filing of the juvenile delinquency petition was the latest development stemming from the shooting on Wednesday afternoon.
This story has haunted me ever since I heard about it on the news the other night. I have thought of this little boy in my waking and sleeping hours. What kind of pain lives with in the walls of his heart that would cause him to take such drastic measures to relieve it? There must be an ocean raging within him that he could not contain. TWELVE YEARS OLD! for goodness sake....a little boy....I do not believe he is a monster. I just can not imagine the hopelessness that must have consumed him to resort to such an act. I pray for him. For his mother. For his sister. For his family. I pray God provides comfort for all of them. I pray God brings someone along in their lives to help calm the raging ocean that caused this to happen. I pray people do not see this little boy as a monster but as a boy who obviously is hurting beyond all imagination. My heart is shattered for this family.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Dear Uncle Cowboy,
Yesterday when Dominique took Mom to an appointment the door bell rang, since I was was home alone I did not answer it but after I heard them leave I looked out the window and saw a huge box on the step. So I went out and got it. It was really heavy. I called mom and she told me it was not for me and I had to leave it alone. GR! I put the box on the table that we made for Sam and Amaris. Did you know the table is 37 inches and I measured the box with a tape measure it was 26 inches! that is a big box! All day I kept looking at the box. I really really really wanted to know what it was! When Dad got home Mom tricked me and told me it was for me from you! Mom told me that it was because I was so good at helping her while she was sick and dad was visiting Madison. I was so happy and surprised! I tore open the box as fast as I could and I could not believe what was inside! This is the lego I have been wanting since my birthday. I wanted it for my birthday and for Christmas. After I got it out of the box I said to everyone. "See ya in a couple hours, BYE!" and I ran down to my room to start building! Last night I got the first book done and now today I will finish the other 2 books. Thank you so much for the lego. I LOVE IT!!!!
Love
Isaiah
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Dear Uncle Cowboy~
Thank you so much for the early birthday present! I love it so much! I have played the game and even watched half the Spider-man movie already! I had to have Isaiah help me open one of the packages because it was too difficult!
I miss you and hope you are having fun in India!
Love,
Elijah!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Isaiah is the MAN!
Since Scott has been gone all weekend and I am still trying to get energy and feel better Isaiah has really stepped up. I am so proud and impressed at the maturity and responsibility I have seen in him this weekend.
Becasue of him, I have not had to bother friends to come over during their family time to help me. Isaiah has taken care of the Burrito, cleaned up messes, taken complete care of the dog, made lunches, dinners and snacks, washed dishes the list goes on and on.
Every time I turn around there he is asking if I need anything. Heating up my heat pad for my aches, getting me more water, anything I may need he is right there ready to deliver! He has read the same Blues Clues book at least 189 times since Friday and has never lost patience once.
Isaiah, I could never have made it through this weekend with out you and all your help!
I love you and am so very proud of you!!!
Becasue of him, I have not had to bother friends to come over during their family time to help me. Isaiah has taken care of the Burrito, cleaned up messes, taken complete care of the dog, made lunches, dinners and snacks, washed dishes the list goes on and on.
Every time I turn around there he is asking if I need anything. Heating up my heat pad for my aches, getting me more water, anything I may need he is right there ready to deliver! He has read the same Blues Clues book at least 189 times since Friday and has never lost patience once.
Isaiah, I could never have made it through this weekend with out you and all your help!
I love you and am so very proud of you!!!
Friday, February 5, 2010
The medicines are working on my body, I can feel the difference. This is good news. I never realized how much it could hurt to try to breathe though. my goodness! I asked the doctor today if it was normal to feel like my lungs had been cramped with charlie horses....his response....I never heard it put quite like that before but GREAT description!! It will take a good 2-3 weeks for my lungs to feel normal again. He also told me they should know by 3-4 weeks if I will have asthma or if it is temporary.
So, other than the pain when I breathe and the complete exhaustion I feel pretty good! Sounds strange I know. But really, I am grateful to not feel sick anymore. Time to rebuild my energy reserves. It is hard for me to stay quiet and NOT do things. I see things that need to be done and just want to do do do. But I promised myself I will make every effort to listen to the doctors and get back to 100%.
Scott left this afternoon for the weekend. He took Elijah down to visit Madison. It was hard for hi to go he doesn't trust me to take it easy. But we discussed it and agreed that Madison needs to know that when we make a promise we will keep it. We also decided not to tell her how sick I have been she would not handle that well.
I am ever so thankful for all my friends who love me. My church family who has been bringing meals to feed my family. What a HUGE blessing the meals are! As for this weekend? The kiddos and I are gonna order movies on PPV and snuggle on the couch while I pretend not to notice that there is laundry to be done and dusting a vacuuming and bathrooms that need to be cleaned....when I am better I will work on that cluttered house thing....not now!
So, other than the pain when I breathe and the complete exhaustion I feel pretty good! Sounds strange I know. But really, I am grateful to not feel sick anymore. Time to rebuild my energy reserves. It is hard for me to stay quiet and NOT do things. I see things that need to be done and just want to do do do. But I promised myself I will make every effort to listen to the doctors and get back to 100%.
Scott left this afternoon for the weekend. He took Elijah down to visit Madison. It was hard for hi to go he doesn't trust me to take it easy. But we discussed it and agreed that Madison needs to know that when we make a promise we will keep it. We also decided not to tell her how sick I have been she would not handle that well.
I am ever so thankful for all my friends who love me. My church family who has been bringing meals to feed my family. What a HUGE blessing the meals are! As for this weekend? The kiddos and I are gonna order movies on PPV and snuggle on the couch while I pretend not to notice that there is laundry to be done and dusting a vacuuming and bathrooms that need to be cleaned....when I am better I will work on that cluttered house thing....not now!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
teetering on the edge.
I will preface this by saying if you feel sick enough to see a doctor. Please please go!
Last week I had a little cough on and off, over the weekend, during the conference. Mostly an annoying cough but no other problems. Really I felt quite fine on Monday! Had some worries but no physical problems.
Some time in the middle of the night I woke and knew I was sick. Not just the regular achy kind of sick but SICK. Of course I ignored it and went back to sleep. The morning arrived as usual and I tried to get up to get the day going and ready children for school. I could not get out of bed. My head hurt, my skin hurt to the touch even blankets hurt laying against my skin. I had a horrible cough.
First I asked Elijah for the phone and called Scott to come home and help with the kids. For those of you who know me. You know that I must have been sick to call Scott at work! He arrived in time to help with breakfast and bus. Elijah called my little friend Ellie and told her not to come for her morning kisses (I didn't want her to get sick!)
As Tuesday went along I barely made it back and forth to the bathroom, began vomiting due to the cough I could not control and slept. I kept begging Scott to "just let me SLEEP!!" While lying there in my bed hovering between coughing and sleeping I tried to imagine myself getting up, walking to the car and going in to the doctor and I could not even imagine it let alone accomplish it. So I stayed in bed. Cried and prayed and slept.
Wednesday morning arrived and I was even more sick than the day before. The vomiting had subsided but I knew lying in my bed I was sick and needed to somehow get to the doctor. Scott had stayed home from work again to help with the children. My mother came by and took one look at me and told Scott I needed to get to the clinic right away. So she stayed with the children and Scott took me into the urgent care clinic.
All I wanted to do was lie down and sleep. They were so kind and put me in a room right away. I have vague memory of things that went on in the clinic. blood, xrays, talk of ambulances and oxygen. Next thing I know we are in the car on our way to the hospital.
I was admitted into the hospital Wednesday afternoon. I remember fading in and out of sleep. I am so grateful for Pastor Paul dropping everything on such a difficult day to come to the hospital, pray with me and hold my hand. It has been a great many years since I have felt a fatherly presence. That is what I felt with Pastor Paul praying and reassuring and holding my hand. It felt fatherly and brought great comfort.
I do not remember a lot between Wednesday and the weekend. I remember telling everyone how tired I was and how all I wanted to do was sleep.
I had many issues with IVs and breathing and such.
It wasn't until Sunday when I was speaking with the primary doctor in charge of my case that i learned how very sick I really was.
He told me if I had waited even 3-4 hours longer he did not think they would have been able to save me. By the time I arrived at the hospital my skin was yellow in color, my liver and kidneys had begun to shut down. The doctor told me he was scared for me all the way through Friday. He called in specialists on Saturday and they worked together to change the treatment plan and meds. I finally began to notice a difference Sunday night although it was slight it improved daily from there. After he left my room I sat there holding a photo if my children that Dave had taken the week of Christmas. I thought of the photos he took of me with the children when he wasn't 'supposed to'. I never knew how priceless those photos nearly became.
My Auntie and Special Uncle visited reminding me of how loved I am. Uncle Hair Bear brought with him the palpable feeling of my Daddy's presence. The way he spoke to me, winked at me and held my hand was exactly what my Dad would have done and was exactly what I needed!
I was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon. With many prescriptions and orders to take it easy for a couple weeks and not stress about things. The doctors even called me today to make sure I was still doing better and to remind me not to over do things.
I am trying. It is difficult to NOT do things in a house full of children. It is difficult to ask for help. But this time, I am willing. I still am not feeling well. I am very weak and tired and some of the medications make me feel jittery and sick to my stomach.
I am blessed to have such AMAZING friends. Who will drop everything to help with my children, bring us a meal, sit by my bed at the hospital while I cry like a baby! and most importantly who will fervently pray for me to get well!
It may take a while but I will be back to my usual busy crazy life!!
Thank God for second chances!!
Last week I had a little cough on and off, over the weekend, during the conference. Mostly an annoying cough but no other problems. Really I felt quite fine on Monday! Had some worries but no physical problems.
Some time in the middle of the night I woke and knew I was sick. Not just the regular achy kind of sick but SICK. Of course I ignored it and went back to sleep. The morning arrived as usual and I tried to get up to get the day going and ready children for school. I could not get out of bed. My head hurt, my skin hurt to the touch even blankets hurt laying against my skin. I had a horrible cough.
First I asked Elijah for the phone and called Scott to come home and help with the kids. For those of you who know me. You know that I must have been sick to call Scott at work! He arrived in time to help with breakfast and bus. Elijah called my little friend Ellie and told her not to come for her morning kisses (I didn't want her to get sick!)
As Tuesday went along I barely made it back and forth to the bathroom, began vomiting due to the cough I could not control and slept. I kept begging Scott to "just let me SLEEP!!" While lying there in my bed hovering between coughing and sleeping I tried to imagine myself getting up, walking to the car and going in to the doctor and I could not even imagine it let alone accomplish it. So I stayed in bed. Cried and prayed and slept.
Wednesday morning arrived and I was even more sick than the day before. The vomiting had subsided but I knew lying in my bed I was sick and needed to somehow get to the doctor. Scott had stayed home from work again to help with the children. My mother came by and took one look at me and told Scott I needed to get to the clinic right away. So she stayed with the children and Scott took me into the urgent care clinic.
All I wanted to do was lie down and sleep. They were so kind and put me in a room right away. I have vague memory of things that went on in the clinic. blood, xrays, talk of ambulances and oxygen. Next thing I know we are in the car on our way to the hospital.
I was admitted into the hospital Wednesday afternoon. I remember fading in and out of sleep. I am so grateful for Pastor Paul dropping everything on such a difficult day to come to the hospital, pray with me and hold my hand. It has been a great many years since I have felt a fatherly presence. That is what I felt with Pastor Paul praying and reassuring and holding my hand. It felt fatherly and brought great comfort.
I do not remember a lot between Wednesday and the weekend. I remember telling everyone how tired I was and how all I wanted to do was sleep.
I had many issues with IVs and breathing and such.
It wasn't until Sunday when I was speaking with the primary doctor in charge of my case that i learned how very sick I really was.
He told me if I had waited even 3-4 hours longer he did not think they would have been able to save me. By the time I arrived at the hospital my skin was yellow in color, my liver and kidneys had begun to shut down. The doctor told me he was scared for me all the way through Friday. He called in specialists on Saturday and they worked together to change the treatment plan and meds. I finally began to notice a difference Sunday night although it was slight it improved daily from there. After he left my room I sat there holding a photo if my children that Dave had taken the week of Christmas. I thought of the photos he took of me with the children when he wasn't 'supposed to'. I never knew how priceless those photos nearly became.
My Auntie and Special Uncle visited reminding me of how loved I am. Uncle Hair Bear brought with him the palpable feeling of my Daddy's presence. The way he spoke to me, winked at me and held my hand was exactly what my Dad would have done and was exactly what I needed!
I was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon. With many prescriptions and orders to take it easy for a couple weeks and not stress about things. The doctors even called me today to make sure I was still doing better and to remind me not to over do things.
I am trying. It is difficult to NOT do things in a house full of children. It is difficult to ask for help. But this time, I am willing. I still am not feeling well. I am very weak and tired and some of the medications make me feel jittery and sick to my stomach.
I am blessed to have such AMAZING friends. Who will drop everything to help with my children, bring us a meal, sit by my bed at the hospital while I cry like a baby! and most importantly who will fervently pray for me to get well!
It may take a while but I will be back to my usual busy crazy life!!
Thank God for second chances!!
this swirling mind of mine....
I began writing this Monday before I got ill. And after reading decided it was worth posting.
I have so many many thoughts feelings and emotions swirling about in this mind of mine....
I am so so so thankful for a big brother who loves me, believes in me and supports the dreams I have for Dropz of Hope and for all my children both my own and those of Dropz...
As I sat this evening trying to listen to Joel on the TV....I heard him say, amongst the loud chaos of craziness that lives in a home with 7 children under the age of 13(we have 2 extra for the weekend), Joel said. Speak life into your circumstance....this is going to be my year to prosper....this is going to be the best decade of my life...I believe I will accomplish great and mighty things!!
as I sat for a few more moments while waiting for round one of baths to begin I got to thinking about the speaker from the conference this weekend. Pastor Heath Friday night spoke from God directly into my heart, then today Ali spoke as if she could read my heart and mind...I love when God confirms your thoughts by surprise.
I think if I were to cling to one thought from Pastor Heath and carry it with me it would be this:
Remember it is the winds of Heaven that makes you beautiful.
How soon we forget when we are caught up in the the crazy of life. When successes and failures rise and fall. We gain pride and shame with in heart beats of one another. It is difficult in those highs and lows to remember It is the winds from Heaven that gives us our beauty...
and yes, even in the lowest of all lows we all experience (and some of us would prefer to hide from all the world those moments)...even then God blows His winds through us and exposes a beauty that often times is more radiant than in times of great joy and success. I don't know maybe it is the way it blows through our tears and reflects off His face...maybe that is it.
Ali spoke of love. friendship. loyalty. we as people but especially as women crave friendship. not just friendship. but one that we can trust will be loyal through all times rejoicing while we rejoice, weeping while we weep. keeping our secrets, loving us no matter what...I pray I am that kind of friend...I know that I have work to do in this area. It is hard for me. I don't always let others in. But today I am going to make an effort to do and be better in this area. I desire to be called this kind of friend!
Thanks Pastor Heath and Ali for pouring all you have into our lives so we may become better leaders!
I have so many many thoughts feelings and emotions swirling about in this mind of mine....
I am so so so thankful for a big brother who loves me, believes in me and supports the dreams I have for Dropz of Hope and for all my children both my own and those of Dropz...
As I sat this evening trying to listen to Joel on the TV....I heard him say, amongst the loud chaos of craziness that lives in a home with 7 children under the age of 13(we have 2 extra for the weekend), Joel said. Speak life into your circumstance....this is going to be my year to prosper....this is going to be the best decade of my life...I believe I will accomplish great and mighty things!!
as I sat for a few more moments while waiting for round one of baths to begin I got to thinking about the speaker from the conference this weekend. Pastor Heath Friday night spoke from God directly into my heart, then today Ali spoke as if she could read my heart and mind...I love when God confirms your thoughts by surprise.
I think if I were to cling to one thought from Pastor Heath and carry it with me it would be this:
Remember it is the winds of Heaven that makes you beautiful.
How soon we forget when we are caught up in the the crazy of life. When successes and failures rise and fall. We gain pride and shame with in heart beats of one another. It is difficult in those highs and lows to remember It is the winds from Heaven that gives us our beauty...
and yes, even in the lowest of all lows we all experience (and some of us would prefer to hide from all the world those moments)...even then God blows His winds through us and exposes a beauty that often times is more radiant than in times of great joy and success. I don't know maybe it is the way it blows through our tears and reflects off His face...maybe that is it.
Ali spoke of love. friendship. loyalty. we as people but especially as women crave friendship. not just friendship. but one that we can trust will be loyal through all times rejoicing while we rejoice, weeping while we weep. keeping our secrets, loving us no matter what...I pray I am that kind of friend...I know that I have work to do in this area. It is hard for me. I don't always let others in. But today I am going to make an effort to do and be better in this area. I desire to be called this kind of friend!
Thanks Pastor Heath and Ali for pouring all you have into our lives so we may become better leaders!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)