teetering on the edge.

I will preface this by saying if you feel sick enough to see a doctor. Please please go!
Last week I had a little cough on and off, over the weekend, during the conference. Mostly an annoying cough but no other problems. Really I felt quite fine on Monday! Had some worries but no physical problems.
Some time in the middle of the night I woke and knew I was sick. Not just the regular achy kind of sick but SICK. Of course I ignored it and went back to sleep. The morning arrived as usual and I tried to get up to get the day going and ready children for school. I could not get out of bed. My head hurt, my skin hurt to the touch even blankets hurt laying against my skin. I had a horrible cough.
First I asked Elijah for the phone and called Scott to come home and help with the kids. For those of you who know me. You know that I must have been sick to call Scott at work! He arrived in time to help with breakfast and bus. Elijah called my little friend Ellie and told her not to come for her morning kisses (I didn't want her to get sick!)
As Tuesday went along I barely made it back and forth to the bathroom, began vomiting due to the cough I could not control and slept. I kept begging Scott to "just let me SLEEP!!" While lying there in my bed hovering between coughing and sleeping I tried to imagine myself getting up, walking to the car and going in to the doctor and I could not even imagine it let alone accomplish it. So I stayed in bed. Cried and prayed and slept.
Wednesday morning arrived and I was even more sick than the day before. The vomiting had subsided but I knew lying in my bed I was sick and needed to somehow get to the doctor. Scott had stayed home from work again to help with the children. My mother came by and took one look at me and told Scott I needed to get to the clinic right away. So she stayed with the children and Scott took me into the urgent care clinic.
All I wanted to do was lie down and sleep. They were so kind and put me in a room right away. I have vague memory of things that went on in the clinic. blood, xrays, talk of ambulances and oxygen. Next thing I know we are in the car on our way to the hospital.
I was admitted into the hospital Wednesday afternoon. I remember fading in and out of sleep. I am so grateful for Pastor Paul dropping everything on such a difficult day to come to the hospital, pray with me and hold my hand. It has been a great many years since I have felt a fatherly presence. That is what I felt with Pastor Paul praying and reassuring and holding my hand. It felt fatherly and brought great comfort.
I do not remember a lot between Wednesday and the weekend. I remember telling everyone how tired I was and how all I wanted to do was sleep.
I had many issues with IVs and breathing and such.
It wasn't until Sunday when I was speaking with the primary doctor in charge of my case that i learned how very sick I really was.
He told me if I had waited even 3-4 hours longer he did not think they would have been able to save me. By the time I arrived at the hospital my skin was yellow in color, my liver and kidneys had begun to shut down. The doctor told me he was scared for me all the way through Friday. He called in specialists on Saturday and they worked together to change the treatment plan and meds. I finally began to notice a difference Sunday night although it was slight it improved daily from there. After he left my room I sat there holding a photo if my children that Dave had taken the week of Christmas. I thought of the photos he took of me with the children when he wasn't 'supposed to'. I never knew how priceless those photos nearly became.
My Auntie and Special Uncle visited reminding me of how loved I am. Uncle Hair Bear brought with him the palpable feeling of my Daddy's presence. The way he spoke to me, winked at me and held my hand was exactly what my Dad would have done and was exactly what I needed!
I was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon. With many prescriptions and orders to take it easy for a couple weeks and not stress about things. The doctors even called me today to make sure I was still doing better and to remind me not to over do things.
I am trying. It is difficult to NOT do things in a house full of children. It is difficult to ask for help. But this time, I am willing. I still am not feeling well. I am very weak and tired and some of the medications make me feel jittery and sick to my stomach.
I am blessed to have such AMAZING friends. Who will drop everything to help with my children, bring us a meal, sit by my bed at the hospital while I cry like a baby! and most importantly who will fervently pray for me to get well!
It may take a while but I will be back to my usual busy crazy life!!
Thank God for second chances!!