Amaris turns 12

Today is Amaris' 12th birthday! 12!!! Holy Guacamole! In some respects it seems like yesterday that she arrived, pale scared and sick. Tiny for her age and old beyonde her years. and in some respects it really does feel like nearly 10 years. I am so proud of the progress she has made over the years. Amaris you are growing into a beautiful young lady with a heart that is soft for the world around you. Never change that. Keep seeking ways to help others. I love you bunches!

I took this photo of the Birthday Girl just before her bus came this morning!

BEAUTIFUL

one of my greatest fears

Thus far, Burrito's wandering problem has been isolated to specific places. IE: from home to the park or into a neighbors house (uninvited) the grocery store, church, baseball games,etc.
Yesterday one of my greatest fears became a reality. Before I tell you the story let me tell you a little about wandering also known as BOLTING ELOPING RUNNING

Elopement, formally defined as leaving an area without supervisor or caregiver’s permission

is prevalent among people with developmental disabilities. Based on a US nation-wide survey conducted in 2011, roughly half of the children with autism attempt to elope

Children with autism are particularly susceptible to elopement as they are unaware of the dangers in the environment into which they wandered.

According to a research done in California in 2001, an increase in the mortality rate among children with autism is related to external accidental causes such as suffocation and drowning, which mainly result from elopement . (info taken from report found at http://www.praxis.uoftengineering.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/esc102-20121-rfp-b-autistic-elopement.pdf)

 

We have spent a great amount of time studying this unique issue. We have developed safety plans. We have taken him to all the neighbors and explained our problem and built a nice sized bubble of responsible adults around him who will keep an extra close eye on him and bring home if seen wandering. When out in the community we make sure he has a 1:1 with at least one of our oldest if not a parent or other adult. We are trying to find financing for a tall privacy fence for our yard, also for an alarm system in our home. We have contacted the local police and fire and informed them of his problem. We THOUGHT we had covered all bases. Which is why yesterday took me by surprise and shook me to the core!

Yesterday morning after the kids got on the bus I had to run some errands. First stop was to pick something up from a foster family in Des Moines. They happen to live on the corner of one of the busiest streets in Des Moines. All was going great, I stood on the front lawn of the house chatting with the foster mom. Burrito was playing right there with me, he stayed right where he was supposed to the entire time! When it was time to leave I stooped down to his level and explained to him that it was dangerous and he needed to get in the van from the side that was close to the grass. I opened the door watched him climb in. After I saw him get into his carseat I said "Good Job!! Now mommy is coming around to buckle you, OK?" (We drive a 15 passenger van so it is impossible to see around the van). I opened the door to buckle him and he was GONE!!! not only was he not in his car seat, he was NOT IN THE VAN!!!! My heart flip flopped in my chest I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I flew around the back of the van frantically scanning the area, I did not see him. I ran down the sidewalk and there 3 houses down sitting under a tree talking to a puppy sat my Burrito.
The difficult thing is that reasoning does not work, explaining danger is useless as he has no idea what danger is. I scooped him up gave my apologies to the owner of the puppy and walked slowly to the van. Placed him in his carseat and buckled him up.
As I drove on to our next stop I thought a lot about what had happened. So many things could have gone terribly wrong in that moment. I am grateful for the angels that surround him every day.
I do not have an answer, I clearly have not done enough to create a safety plan that will actually keep him safe.

Please, if you are around us and you see Burrito out and away from us, please know he is NOT supposed to be there alone and has likely escaped our safety plan. Help us keep  him safe.

fostercare and adoption

There are many people who do not understand why we foster and adopt. I really dont expect them to. What do I expect?
I expect people to respect our choices, our ability to make decisions that are best for our family. I expect the same respect I give to them and their family choices. If you choose to have no children 1 child or more, it makes no difference to me. What makes a difference to me is whether or not you provide a loving nurturing environment in which the child(ren) can grow to be amazing adults who love and care for those around them.
I often wonder why people feel they have the right to judge us. Every time we get a new child in our home whether it be for foster or adoption. Why do others feel they have the right to determine when enough is enough?
As a family, we pray together, we seek Gods direction purpose and plan. We NEVER make a decision that is not directed by HIM when it comes to children entering our home.
For very child that we do bring into our home there are several we do not.
You may look at our life and think that we are overwhelmed overloaded or maybe even crazy. But this life works for us. We love having a large family. Ask any one of our children and they will all tell you they have just as much ability to offer an opinion as we do. If any one of our children has worries concerns or is unsure we absolutely do not go forward. After all they are already ours their needs must come first.
We do not ask others to pay our bills. we are not in debt. We do not pass the care of our brood off to friends neighbors or family. When and if we ask you to provide for our children that is when you earn the right to pass judgement on us. Instead I ask. Pray for us. Pray for our children.
God has called each of us to do certain things in life, God has given each of us special gifts that He expects us to use to bring honor to Him. I believe God has called me to be a foster/adoptive mother. I believe He has called me to serve families who are also on this journey. I am working every day to fulfill all He has asked of me. Instead of looking at me in a disapproving way, or scrutinizing my children and family. Remember that You are working just as hard to fulfill all that God has called you to do. That means we are really more alike than different.

Samuel turns 10

Happy birthday Sam!!

Today my sweet Sam turns 10!

It is hard to believe he is the same child that arrived in June of 2003.

He was a sick little guy and so very frail. Each year brings growth and progress!

Sambo....I love you so much and I am so proud of you!

Happy Birthday Buddy!!

August 25

Saturday August 25 was Burrito's 5th birthday!

We celebrated in the evening with ice cream cake and the Fernandez family.

Burrito had a great day! I know this photo is a bit blurry but I love his smile in this one.

We are not master gardeners by any stretch but we do enjoy our little gardens we have planted this year. We have 2 large boxes and 1 small box in the front yard, several planters scattered about and a salsa garden near the back gate.The children have been very good little farmers this year, pulling weeds, watering, pruning and harvesting. The boys especially love to explore for new little creatures and visitors we have found frogs, toads, lady bugs, caterpillars, butterflies, even a tiny garden snake. Sunday they found this little lady protecting our salsa garden.

the visit

After a long 2 hour 26 minute drive the children all tumbled out of the van stretching and squealing with excitement. Everyone fell into their usual roles and patterns of moving as we arrive at a destination. Isaiah took Spuds, Elijah took Baby J, Amaris grabbed a diaper bag. Sam and Zephan bounced about anxiously waiting for directions. With a deep breath we paused as a family to pray over our visit and ask God to direct and guide us, for God to place His Hand over each of us and to especially hold and comfort the little one we were visiting.
I ushered my family as a disorganized whole through the old cherry wood door of a very old farm house that has been converted over the years into a group home that houses nearly 44 children of all ages, the youngest being 5 the oldest I assume is around 17. As we made our way into the entryway of the home we quickly located a bathroom and one by one began to use the facilities. It seemed to take forever to get through everyone.
As was the case the night before, my mind was jumpy and I found it difficult to concentrate. Lucky for me all I had to do was hold the baby and tell the children where to go. As I stood there pushing children in and out of the bathroom and trying to make sense of it all I heard the creaking of an antique door as it gently swung open I knew without word that the face I was looking at was that of the kind woman I had spent the better part of the last 8 days sharing conversations with over the phone. Her features were as kind and gentle as her voice had been over the phone.She told us they were ready whenever we were and it was fine to take our time. As the last of the kiddos finished up in the bathroom I reviewed in my mind what I might say or do when we finally entered the room for our first meeting. A wave of nerves worked its way up and made my heart jitter. As I had a couple hours earlier, I imagined again what it would be like to be her. To have lost so much in my young life of 10 years, to be stuck in a home for kids where I do not fit, to desperately want a family but to know that my reality was that families are not safe places to be. To be a little girl who suddenly after all these months of waiting and wondering I learn a family wants to visit me. How would I feel? And my heart shook a little for her. So again, for what felt like the millionth time I prayed for her.  Almost as soon as I whispered amen it was time.
We walked through the heavy antique door and moved our way into a large meeting room on the left. In the middle of the room was a large mahogany table surrounded by a dozen chairs and across the table sat a little girl with her adult friend. She sat closely enough to her friend to feel supported but not quite close enough for physical touch. Her brown hair fell gently down around her shoulders and framed her palish face softly. The chocolate color of her hair made the sea foam green of her eyes more vivid. Although her eyes were bright and clear, they were years older than her chronological age. When she spoke she had a quiet but confident voice. She introduced herself and told us things she loves and hates. She proudly announced she had been studying our photos and paragraphs and produced lovely little name tags she had made for each of us to wear. She mingled with the children, offered snacks, asked questions and answered ours. We went on a tour of the home. The reality of how she lives shook me to the core and looking around at each of my children I could see they felt the same. Her bedding was worn thin and appeared to be years old. I wondered how many children it had covered over the years. She had one average sized tub of personal belongings a small rock collection, some beads and remote controlled car that a peer had stolen the controller to. She proudly showed us her new school shoes and socks. As I studied her every move I noticed her little hands were shaking constantly. her little voice had a quiver.
I had to fight the urge to scoop her up and hold her close, to rock her and smooth her hair and whisper promises that everything will be OK. That we will keep her safe and love her forever and no matter what. I felt the deepest sorrow knowing I could not bring comfort to this child. We made our way back to the meeting room where lunch was served. The children played a game and then the time came for goodbye.
I got a high five and a smile. It settled down into my heart that this was all she could do. and for her that was HUGE.
As I looked in her eyes for the last time I knew with everything in me that she would someday become my daughter. I knew because in that short visit she made herself comfortable in the corners of my heart. And I knew I already loved her.
We all piled into the van. Unusual silence filled the air. One by one we asked each child what they thought of the visit. And One by one they all expressed the same feelings that were growing in my heart. We all knew with out many words. We prayed again.
Now we wait. To be chosen by a little girl who has lost everything, has nothing, is quite possibly the strongest most beautiful human being I have ever had the honor to meet.
pray for her. pray for the adults in her life. pray for us as we wait.

This sweet boy is a mystery. If anything is rare or unheard of you can bet it will happen to him. He has had so many struggles already and he is only 10 months old (on Sept 3). I took him in to visit our ENT for a second post op check up for the tubes he had in June. One tube has come out completely and the other one is not doing its job. Next week we will be going in for a new set of tubes, which in a normal child's life would not be a big deal but in the life of our little Spuds it has great potential of becoming a big deal quickly. He has asthma, floppy airway disease, and has a low tolerance to anesthesia. again in an average child with these issues they might have ONE but our little guy has so many things going on in his little body that we don't even understand yet. I am scared to have him sedated again. Last time was a very scary and difficult time. I understand we need to do this in order to discover if he has a hearing impairment that will require hearing aids or if he just struggles with fluid and infection. This is a very important thing to learn and I will go through with it. I am just so afraid of him being put to sleep again. So if you would, please take a few minutes each day to say a little prayer for my Spuds.

beautiful reminder

A dear friend posted this on her facebook yesterday, nudging me to remember to pray specificly for each of my children.

31 Biblical Virtues to Pray for Your Childrenby Bob Hostetler

1. Salvation—"Lord, let salvation spring up within my children, that they may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory." (Isa. 45:8; 2 Tim. 2:10)

2. Growth in Grace—"I pray that my children may grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." (2 Pet. 3:18)

3. Love—"Grant, Lord, that my children may learn to live a life of love, through the Spirit who dwells in them." (Gal. 5:25; Eph. 5:2)

4. Honesty and Integrity—"May integrity and honesty be their virtue
and their protection." (Ps. 25:21)

5. Self-Control—"Father, help my children not to be like many others around them, but let them be alert and self-controlled in all they do."
(1 Thess. 5:6)

6. Love for God's Word—"May my children grow to find Your Word more precious than much pure gold and sweeter than honey from the comb." (Ps. 19:10)

7. Justice—"God, help my children to love justice as You do and act justly in all they do." (Ps. 11:7; Mic. 6:8)

8. Mercy—"May my children always be merciful, just as their Father is merciful." (Luke 6:36)

9. Respect (for self, others, and authority)—"Father, grant that my children may show proper respect to everyone, as Your Word commands." (1 Pet. 2:17)

10. Biblical Self-Esteem—"Help my children develop a strong self-esteem that is rooted in the realization that they are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus." (Eph. 2:10)

11. Faithfulness—"Let love and faithfulness never leave my children, but bind these twin virtues around their necks and write them on the tablet of their hearts." (Prov. 3:3)

12. Courage—"May my children always be strong and courageous in their character and in their actions." (Deut. 31:6)

13. Purity—"Create in them a pure heart, O God, and let that purity of heart be shown in their actions." (Ps. 51:10)

14. Kindness—"Lord, may my children always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else." (1 Thes. 5:15)

15. Generosity—"Grant that my children may be generous and willing to share, and so lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age." (1 Tim. 6:18-19)

16. Peace-Loving—"Father, let my children make every effort to do what leads to peace." (Rom. 14:19)

17. Joy—"May my children be filled with the joy given by the Holy Spirit." (1 Thes. 1:6)

18. Perseverance—"Lord, teach my children perseverance in all they do, and help them especially to run with perseverance the race marked out for them." (Heb. 12:1)

19. Humility—"God, please cultivate in my children the ability to show true humility toward all." (Titus 3:2)

20. Compassion—"Lord, please clothe my children with the virtue of compassion." (Col. 3:12)

 

21. Responsibility—"Grant that my children may learn responsibility, for each one should carry his own load." (Gal. 6:5)

22. Contentment—"Father, teach my children the secret of being content in any and every situation, through Him who gives them strength." (Phil. 4:12-13)

23. Faith—"I pray that faith will find root and grow in my children's hearts, that by faith they may gain what has been promised to them." (Luke 17:5-6; Heb. 11:1-40)

24. A Servant's Heart—"God, please help my children develop servant's hearts, that they may serve wholeheartedly, as if they were serving the Lord, not men." (Eph. 6:7)

25. Hope—"May the God of hope grant that my children may overflow with hope and hopefulness by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Rom. 15:13)

26. Willingness and Ability to Work—"Teach my children, Lord, to value work and to work at it with all their heart, as working for the Lord and not for men." (Col. 3:23)

27. Passion for God—"Lord, please instill in my children a soul that 'followeth hard after thee,' one that clings passionately to You." (Ps. 63:8)

28. Self-Discipline—"Father, I pray that my children may acquire a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right and just and fair." (Prov. 1:3)

29. Prayerfulness—"Grant, Lord, that my children's lives may be marked by prayerfulness, that they may learn to pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers." (1 Thess. 5:17)

30. Gratitude—"Help my children to live lives that are always overflowing with thankfulness and always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." (Eph. 5:20; Col. 2:7)

 

31. A Heart for Missions—"Lord, please help my children to develop a desire to see Your glory declared among the nations, Your marvelous deeds among the peoples." (Ps. 96:3)

Standing on top of this mountain my gaze slowly drank in the magnificence of all the glorious things God has created. As I stood there the cool mountain breeze gently blowing my hair across my face. I did my best to organize the many thoughts that were dancing about in my brain. Thoughts of home, thoughts of the past. A peace like I have never known before began to warm me I could feel the warmth of it making its way up to my head and eventually settling in my heart. I cant say why or what for, but suddenly I knew in the deepest corners of my soul that life was just so for a reason. I knew that the purpose of my existence is already engraved in the palm of my makers hand. And for the first time in my life I felt completely at peace with the woman I am.

As I slowly made my way down the wooden pathway I whispered a quiet thank you Lord for this gift today.

I have been fighting this personal battle with in my heart and head for quite some time. Years in fact. Never have I had a peace about who I am. Who I have become. I wrestle frequently with choices and consequences of the past. And this day on top of a mountain looking down at the valley below the way the river winds its way gently through the jagged landscape somehow ushered waves of peace into my heart. And in that moment it became clear why I am here.

I am not sure how long I stood there. I lost myself in the beauty of God's creation. I reflected over the recent and distant events of my life. I began to slowly let go of my anxiety and worries. As I began to worship in my heart, I heard a gentle whisper and immediately recognized it as the voice of God. I have always wondered if I would know His voice if He ever chose to speak audibly to me. In my awe and amazement I recognized His as easily as I would have had it been my earthly father speaking to me.

'Look at all that I have created, I know the plans I have for you'

I have often wondered if I would question the voice. There was no need to question. It was such a familiar comforting voice I knew with out hesitation.

I whispered, 'thank you for knowing exactly what I needed today' and began to make my way down the wooden path to meet with my group. I noticed as I made my way down the path I no longer carried with me the heaviness worries or anxiety that I had been carrying with me all day. I looked at my clock and all made sense. It was the exact time that back home a very important meeting was taking place. The outcome of that meeting is still unknown. But my heart is filled with peace. And I know what ever happens God will carry me through.

prayer wall

Every year around this time I begin to thinbk of things I can do to organize simplify and bring more meaning into our lives.

My big idea this time was to create a prayer wall. The first edition to this wall will be all the names of children going back to school and the names of the teachers in authority over them.

As time goes on I will be adding any and all kinds of prayers we are praying. So if you ever have anything you want us to pray for send me a message, I will add your request to our wall and we will pray over them at least 1 time a day probly even more!

new school adventures 2012-2013

The school year has begun with out any issues! YIPPEE!!
The kids first official day was August 20.
We did all our usual traditional things. Well, almost all of them.
Every year on the night before the first day of school we order pizza and watcdh a movie together as a family. This year that day fell on a Sunday and the older 3 kids had the first TBQ practice. So we compromised we went to church TBQ then ordered pizza after church no time for movie but we did get to spend some time together as a family preparing our hearts and minds for a new school year.

 the next tradition we carried on again this year was the famous "anything you want to eat for breakfast on the first day of school.

Amaris on her 1st day of 6th grade!

 

Elijah 1st day of 7th grade!

Samuel 1st day of 4th grade.

And we never forget their little after school care package wishing them an EXCELLENT new year!!

 

In between Spuds trips out to Iowa City we made a trip to Blank Childrens Hospital for a 72 hour EEG for Elijah. We are SO very blessed by the many friends who supported us through this time. From help with child care to bringing meals to feed the family. I can not thank you enough!!

What we learned: They were able to record abnormal activity on his EEG and record his facial twitching but were unable to record ann 'episode' We discharged from the hospital after 72 hours with a perscription for a seizure medication, a plan for school, a perscription for migraines and a follow up appointment.

The next day Elijah and I went  high to meet with his guidance counselor. She was wonderful!! Very kind patient and reassuring to Elijah.

We are comfortable with the plan we all created and ready for the school year to begin!