character balloons

The kids wanted me to post the fun balloons, so enjoy! The first one is Coca Cola, then the purple people eater, then a tree, the first one in the second row I took on the way home, we pulled over on an old country road when we found these had landed on a farm. The kids liked the space shuttle.

as the sun set and on the way home

balloons

It was amazing to watch as they started with an empty field and over the course of an hour or so the sky was absolutely full of them.

I took this picture along the side of an old country road tonight on the way home from the Balloon Festival. I love how the reflection is on the pond. I will post more pix of the balloons later.

what is success?

I saw it written once that the definition of success was: "The ability to find the will of God for our lives and actually doing it."
When I read that I really didn't think much of it, but lately I have been trying to figure a lot of things out and that quote popped back into my mind. I have spent some time pondering that this week. How do I define success? I am not really sure, I know that I definitely don't feel I have achieved it yet in life. I know that I want to feel successful, I know that when failures arise, and let me tell you, they do way more often than I would like to see, I am deeply disappointed, in myself.
Can we be considered successful at different levels of life? Or is it an overall grade? I am trying to figure all this out. I do know that success and failure is a personal thing. When others glance into my life they may see success where I see failure and vice versa. As I do in others. It is much easier to stand by and judge anther's successes and failures than it to see our own. We are our own worst critics. Usually, anyway. In my case I know this to be true.
For me, I know there have been turns in the road of my life where I took a path I knew was not intended for my feet to trod. But for many reasons took it anyway. I guess, as I get older, and my children get older, I examine those things more closely and wonder....are the trials of our lives because I ignored the will of God in my life at certain cross roads? Is it too late to go back and change? Did I totally miss the opportunity to please God by fulfilling His purpose through my life? Now what? Is this one of those times where all future generations will in some way pay for the disobedience of those who came before them? If so, that means my future generations will be paying for my inability to follow God's voice and fulfill His will in my life. Then I think, how can that be possible? I mean it isn't like I committed great sin, although sin is relative, I know. But that is an entirely different subject all together. One I am not sure I even have the courage to address here or anywhere for that matter.
Anyway....its not like I am this crazy rebel who clearly heard the voice of God commanding me to do certain things. It was never like that at all. It was more the kind of subtle unease in my soul when I was walking along the way. You know, when you are contemplating something in your heart and this tiny little voice whispers in your ear, that is not a great idea, don't do it, then for whatever reason....you do it anyway. Lack of courage to follow the truth? Maybe. Lack of confidence in yourself and not being able to fully rely on the God who created you? Maybe. More likely a combination of both and more.
Don't get me wrong...It isn't like I think I have ruined lives or anything like that. It is just the idea that I can see clearly now, looking in the rear view mirror of my life, the times when I did not see the will of God in my life and now I see. Some are little things that in the grand scheme of things probably wouldn't make a difference anyway, but others, could have been life altering. changing the course of life forever.
So, how do I define success? I guess I am still not sure. I will be pursuing the answers until I find them. Will I lose sleep over them, maybe some. But, when you were created with one of those kinds of minds that is constantly analyzing life and lessons, you lose sleep anyway. So, why not lose it while pursuing success and the will of God?

shopping with Dom and Mom

Last night Dominique and I (along with baby no name) went shopping for dorm/school supplies. We had a lot of fun. He is an amazing bargain shopper. I was very proud of his attention to details and he really got the best deals for our money.
I had a great time with him, I cherrish those moments when we can spend good time together, talking, laughing, goofing off. We got nearly everything he needs. I think all that is left on his list are:
iron and board
laundry detergent
first aid kit (he doesn't think he needs one, but he definately does)
dishes~just a couple bowls, plates and cups. Not a whole set.
ethernet card and cord~what in the world is that???
calculator~waiting to see what kind he will need from his proffessor~have you priced those lately???? Holy Cow!!!
~and~of course~ cookies from MOM!!!
The next BIG purchase will be his books....yeah, not looking forward to that one!
Thanks, Son. For wanting to spend time with me and not being embarrassed to be seen with your old mom. I loved every minute of it!

Sometimes He Calms the Storm...scott kippayne

All who sail the sea of faith
Find out before too long
How quickly blue skies can grow dark
And gentle winds grow strong
Suddenly fear is like white water
Pounding on the soul
Still we sail on knowing
That our Lord is in control
Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child
He has a reason for each trial
That we pass through in life
And though we're shaken
We cannot be pulled apart from Christ
No matter how the driving rain beats down
On those who hold to faith
A heart of trust will always
Be a quiet peaceful place

update of sorts...

Dominique....Is house sitting in Johnston this week. I miss him being around the house during the day. I guess I am being slowly prepared for his move into the dorms August 22. Please pass the tissues! I am slowly trying to collect all the items he needs for the college adventure. (boo hoo sniff sniff).
Madison....we had been seeing improvements in her over the last 3 weeks or so. BUT....this past weekend was beyond difficult. Many things have changed, life is increasingly more difficult every day with her. Please pray for a break through. She needs one and so do I!
Isaiah....is doing fantastic!!! He is LOVING golf. He shot a 115 on 18 holes the other night. Not bad. (do I sound like I know golf??cuz I really don't.) He has enjoyed a new friendship in Zach this summer. Hopefully that friendship will continue to grow.
Elijah...Is very active this summer. Has been outdoors more than any of the kids. He is still living and breathing baseball. He is so tan now he almost has caught up with Dominique. At least until he hits the shower, then his bum is blinding white...
Amaris...is getting herself back in the swing of things and has been having a ball of fun swimming and playing outdoors. She is all about crafty projects now.
Samuel...has decided he is no longer going to be a bad guy when he grows up, now he is going to be a janitor. I must admit I am relieved!
Baby no name...obviously, he still has no name...baby has to go to the hospital in the morning for an MRI of his head. They will be putting him to sleep for the testing. I know I am an old pro at this kind of stuff as many times as Isaiah has been through it, but i gotta tell you it never gets easier. No matter which kid it is, no matter what procedure they have to go through, it is always heart wrenching to have to pass your little one off to that nurse and place your treasure in their hands. Please pray for me I am going to need it in the morning!
Me? well...I am still here, trying to grow through faith and by grace every day....some days I feel victorious and then there are the rest of the days when I think it is a miracle I am still here when the sun goes down...

stumbling blocks or stepping stones

I was reading a devotional today and at the end of it was a quote by an unidentified author.
"The only difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is the way you use them."
Think about that....
How many times have we excused a decision by saying well so-and-so did or said blah, blah, blah?
How many times have we used the excuse of a bad childhood, an injury, illness, or condition, a bad situation, the loss of a loved one...to qualify our RIGHT to behave in a certain manner?
Our circumstance in life cannot dictate our place in life. We need to make a daily decision to use those times and seasons in life as stepping stones for the future. We can not allow them to be our stumbling blocks. Because if we do, then we are no better than the circumstance we are using to excuse our behaviors.
We cannot be defined by circumstance, we have to remember we are children of the KING and He is who defines us. He will use those same circumstance for His goodness.
Our circumstance is a part of who we are, but only a small part. The essence of who we are lies in our hearts. If our hearts belong to Him then there lies the difference....

ironic??? I doubt it...

The title for my daily devotion today was: PRAYING PATIENTLY
It struck such a chord in my heart that I felt I had to put it here.
Psalm 37:7 Rest in the Lord, and patiently wait for Him.
Today's devotion was written by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman.
Have you ever prayed and prayed and waited and waited, and still there is no manifestation? Are you tired of seeing nothing move? Are you just at the point of giving it all up? Perhaps you have not waited in the right way.
"With patience wait" (Romans 8:25). Patience takes away worry. He said He would come, and His promise is equal to His presence. Patience takes away our weeping. Why feel sad and despondant? He knows your need better than you do, and His purpose in waiting is to bring glory out of it all. Patience takes away self-works. The work He desires is that you 'believe' (John 6:29), and when you believe, you may then know that all is well. Patience takes away all want. Your desire for the thing you wish is perhaps stronger than your desire for the will of God to be fulfilled in its arrival.
Patience takes away all weakening. Instead of having the delaying time, a time of letting go, know that God is getting a larger supply ready and must get you ready, too. Patience takes away all wobbling. "Made me stand upon my standing" (Daniel 8:18, margin). God's foundations are steady; and when His patience is within, we are steady while we wait. Patience gives worship. A praiseful patience sometimes "longsuffering with joyfulness" (Collosians 1:11) is the best part of it all. "Let (all these phases of) patience have her perfect work" (James 1:4), while you wait, and you will find great enrichment.
What do you think???
This is what I think...so far anyway...

I decided to read the book of James again... one thing that is standing out to me is this:
While I am in middle of struggles in my life I need to remember that God is using all my struggles to help me grow. My struggles are not random and pointless circumstance. God is using all of it....to grow my faith in HIM.I want my heart to be fueled by faith. That means I need to learn to be patient...in a more God-like fashion....now all I have to do is figure out how....

something I wrote...today

In the depths of my sorrow
I could sense your presence
Although just outside my reach
As dark storm clouds blew across my heart
Tears, hot like a late summer storm
Burned my soul
Leaving impressions that would last a lifetime
Loneliness breads silence
Silence like the wind fills the corners of my being
The essence of me has been forever changed
Casting shadows upon my soul
Sorrow grips my heart, loneliness lingers
Yet I can still feel your presence...
For that..I am ever grateful
Your presence means even in my own solitude and silence
I will never truly be alone...

How do you choose a name?

Admittedly I am Awful when it comes to choosing names for children. For me the name has to have special meaning. Then ther is always the fact that I have worked with children all my adult life, so you unintentionally asign personality to certain names. Here is a list of my favorites and their meanings.
Josiah~God heals
Oliver~man of peace
Tobias~God is good
Gideon~mighty warrior
Jonah~Dove
Titus~defender
This is MY list of names that I like. So, what do you think????

The moon and the stars.

Genesis 1:14-19 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
14 And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, 15 and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. 16 God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. 17 God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, 18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.

sunrise sunset starry night sky awesome!

AMAZING!

Still this amazes me. Not just the idea of how awesome God is that He alone created all we see, all we hear, all we touch, all we breath, all we feel...ALL...But that He was so brilliant. Knowing that a million miles away from here, a person can be sitting on their porch watching the sun fade into night, their eyes will behold the same glorious sight of color streaming through clouds in the late evening sky as my eyes see from my porch. In the early morning hours just as dawn graces the sky, there is someone half a world away standing in awe of the very same sight as I. In the deepest dark of night when sitting alone under the brilliant night sky there is another looking on in amazement that we share the same view of heaven. The sky that covers over me is the same sky that covers over all of creation. We share the same moon, stars and sun. We see the same glorious sunrise, graceful sunset.

AMAZING!

day of swimming

We spent the day in our pool today, well, not exactly, we, I sat out for emergency purposes, Madison went to a friends house, Sam was not feeling well, and of course Dominique was at Blake's house.

camping

The kids wanted to go camping this weekend, so we pitched our tent in the backyard, built a campfire, cooked dinner out over the fire, made s'mores, and played outdoors all day.
Elijah's attempt at hula hooping.
Amaris collecting sticks for our fire.
Madison, Isaiah, and Elijah collecting sticks.
A little bocci ball.
Dinner.
Scott and some of the kids went into town last night to watch fire works. I stayed home with baby-no-name, Sam and Amaris. We did baths, and watched a movie. When the rest of them got home we loaded the tent with sleeping bags and pillows. Scott, Isaiah, Elijah and Madison all camped out. The rest of us slept indoors. The kids had a blast.

Peace

What do you think of the view? This is what I see in the evening while swinging in my porch swing. What is it about a swing or rocking chair, especially when sitting out doors in the fresh air, that invites peace to wash over ones soul and fill them with awe for what lies around them? It always amazes me how the rocker can instantly calm a fussy babe, soothe the hurt feelings of a child, and ease the loneliness of an elderly widow.
I love to sit in my swing and listen to the sounds of creation around me. The birds singing, children laughing, a baby's cry. I love to swing, lay my head back against the back and thank God for all the things that fill my senses. The smells of fresh air, mixed with freshly turned soil and blooming gardens. The sounds of nature and a train off in the distance, the way the light changes as the day grows old and prepares for night. The way I can see the rays of the setting sun filter through the clouds always makes me feel closer to heaven and that always makes me think of my Dad. That vision brings him so close that sometimes if I close my eyes and concentrate, I can even feel him sitting and swinging next to me. What is it about swings and rockers that bring peace to the soul?

forgiveness...

Can forgiveness really come out of heart break? Can forgiveness really be born through tears? There are times in everyone's lives when forgiveness is required, where we are at the time determines our ability to truly forgive. Sometimes forgiveness comes swiftly and rests our soul. Sometimes time mends the pain in our hearts and forgiveness arrives gradually. Other times it takes a life time. You realize you have held onto a lifetime of pain in the corners of your heart. Never having it in the forefront of your being, never acknowledging its constant existence until one day you wake up and realize that part of your soul has been starving for a lifetime. Only to realize the only way to feed your soul is to let go of the pain and forgive. I am not naive enough to believe that we arrive instantly at the sea of forgetfulness. But a peaceful healing begins to fill your senses as you see the pain for what it is, and begin to let it go. Allowing God to take it away from you, removing the disease of unforgiving allowing you to grow new branches. There are times in life when you don't even realize you are still hanging onto pain, you wake up one day and say to yourself, "I thought that was over years ago." only to realize it has been hiding secretly in the deepest corner of who you are. In some ways coloring your actions, attitudes, and words over the years, becoming such a part of who you are that you aren't even sure of who you could have been. Some hurts are so deep that it takes a lifetime to overcome. The most difficult to accomplish is forgiveness of self. We are hardest on ourselves, not allowing ourselves the healing process and the joy that enters in when the job is done. God is working on my heart...I have learned through my fasting and prayer lately, I deserve my own forgiveness. When I allow myself the joy of walking the shores of the sea of forgetfulness then true growth will come. In my spirit, in my heart, in my soul. Healing has taken place and joy has come to stay. Because I have forgiven me...

Tournaments and trophys

Last Monday night, Isaiah competed in his 2008 golf tournament, he had a ball of fun! It was a great ending to the summer lessons. Nice job Isaiah!

Elijah and his baseball medal for 2008 season.

While I was in NJ Elijah's baseball team went to tournament play. I was sorry to miss his last 2 games but the team did amazing and more important, they had a blast playing together. What a great bunch of kids and coaches!

Where do you find the words?

Where do you find the words to heal the heart of a child? A heart that has been stolen and broken by someone they trust. How do you look in the eyes of a child and tell them that what you have spent their lifetime teaching does not always apply? How do you look in the eyes of a child who is hurting so deeply you feel every ounce of their pain in the very depths of your soul?
We teach children there are consequences for our actions, live by the 'Golden Rule', Treat others as you would want to be treated. When you make bad choices then bad things will happen, when you hurt someone, there is a price you must pay for that hurt. Confess, ask forgiveness, say you're sorry, (and mean it) take your punishment. I am sure if you are a parent you have taught your children these same things. If you make good choices then good things will come your way. God will bless you.
So.....what happens when something so incredibly horrible happens to one of your children, not of their own doing but at the hands of another....then your child finds the courage somewhere deep inside their heart to speak, and ask for help. Only to learn that nothing will ever happen. Your child is not to be believed, the act goes unpunished, the person who committed the act is let go with out consequence....
How do you tell that child you weren't lying to them all their life? How do you tell them that we may never see the consequence this side of heaven but rest assured there will be consequence with God. How do you tell your child that has to be enough, when your heart screams for justice, cries for consequence....
How do you look in the eyes of a hurting child and tell them it will be OK. When in your very own heart its not enough......Please someone tell me....

Stretching and growing....

When the Lord decides it is time for you to stretch and grow, look out! Whether you are ready or not...He will pull you in directions you never thought you could go, He will push you into places that you could never imagine. The crazy thing is that even when we think we are deeply rooted in our faith....there are times when we need pruning. How painful that can be!!!
God is working through this process with me. Many times I feel so inadequate and unworthy. God has shown me, lovingly shown me, that he created me, unique, and set apart from all others. He created me the way He did on purpose. Why is it always easier to see the work God does in those lives around us than it is see what He is doing in our own hearts??
The more time I spend in prayer and time with Him the more He is showing me. Some things have surprised me....others, I have had to surrender and leave at His feet. That is the part that I know will be difficult for me...I am very good at returning to the Throne and saying something like: "So, God, remember that stuff I laid at your feet yesterday? Can I have some of it back? I think I can handle it." He has shown me that He desires for me to leave it all, walk away, and rest in His hands.
I have decided the next time I have spending money I might buy a Message Bible. I like some of the translations and how they are so real. Not that I think less of the NKJ version but sometimes the message speaks a little louder. I would never be able to use it as my only study tool. Are you kidding me? I am the girl who has 3 different versions on my lap and all around me cross referencing, Searching for the one that speaks to my heart. I just think the Message would be a nice addition.
God can do anything, you know-far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, His Spirit deeply and gently within us. Ephesians 3:20 The Message.