Too sad for words..........

Do you ever have moments in life when it reduces you to a sadness so deep you have no ability to form word or thought?
The last 24 hours have produced this in me. I was up all night trying to process through all the events that lead up to this point. Trying to form reasonable thoughts and maybe even words to explain to my heart how we got here. Still after hours of tossing and turning, reading my bible with a flash light and praying until I cried...nothing. What I have come up with is that there is no reasonable thought, explanation or words to define the season we have entered. I don't have the answers, so, I must wait on God to show the way. Which brings me to another question, does anyone else out there ever wonder when the answers will come and why do we have to wait so long to get them?? I completely understand the answers may not always be what we are looking for. But at least they would be answers non-the-less.
I wonder what happened to the days of my childhood when families spent time together, loved each other unconditionally and showed support no matter what. Was I raised in a land far far away? Did that kind of thing only happen in my youth and childhood? I am not saying at that I lived a 'charmed' childhood. We had our faults and bouts with tragedy. But, we always knew no matter what ever happened FAMILY would always be there. For the most part that remains true today.
BUT....then there are some people in our lives who for whatever their reasons are not there.
I just want to clear some things up for those of you who may be unclear.
God chose my family. He planned my life, He planned Scott's life. God hand picked EVERY Single child we have and placed them in our lives. AND He did it on purpose!
God knew I would have Dominique, and what a gift Dominique was, the timing of his arrival was perfect. My dad got to know his first grandchild before he passed away. The relationship between the 2 of them was nothing short of amazing!
God knew Scott would marry and have Madison, God also knew Scott would raise Madison. He also knew I would have no 'birth-duaghter' and brought Madison into my life to fill that place. God Brought the 4 of us together. And gave us a fighting spirit. The kind I was raised knowing.
Then surprise, God blessed us with Isaiah, even when we were trying to not have a child for the first year. He came 6 days before our first wedding anniversary. pretty close huh? Our doctor who is a Great Christian man told us God gave us Isaiah as the glue to hold our new family together because he was the common link between all of us.
God had big plans for Elijah too. We tried for a year before we finally were blessed with the news. He was so many things for us. To Isaiah he was a shark not a baby. ( that is a different story for another time). Early in our pregnancy we were told he had multiple deformities and we should consider terminating the pregnancy, if he did live he would not live more than a few days at the long shot maybe a year. We prayed and God told us everything would be fine. LOOK at him now!
I always knew in my heart from when I was a small girl I would adopt when I was grown. When we got married Scott was not fond of the idea. A wise woman from church told me, give it to God, leave it there. He knows your heart and if it is God's will he will change Scott's heart, that matters of the heart are for God to deal with not you. Sure enough one day about 5 years ago Scott came to me and told me he had seen a commercial for foster parents and thinks we should look into it.
Here we are....God brought Sam and Amaris into our lives, we loved them like our own even when we were told not to get attached. We prayed over them, cried over them and even almost let them go. God allowed them to stay. We are blessed today because of them. I do not know if God is done with my family yet. These are His plans for our lives. He trusted us enough to give us these 6 beautifully different and equally wonderful children to love and raise and let go eventually.
Anyone who can't see God as the head of our family must not be able to see. Anyone who cannot see the love we have for EACH ONE of our blessings, because that is how I see it. They must be blind.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
This verse is not only true for my family but also for EVERYONE who believes!

front fender damage and a broken I-Pod

Poor Dominique.....Monday night on the way home from the game he tried to swerve to avoid hitting a deer.....and instead hit a road work sign. Peeled the entire front passenger fender back to the door, took off the side mirror and broke the headlight. He was NOT hurt but shook up a bit! We spent all day trying to locate parts from junk yards. THANKS to my brother Philip who found all the parts at one place! Scott stopped to pick them up on his way home from work and was told he had to pay first and come back Wednesday to pick them all up. So......needless to say Dominique missed band practice Tuesday night because of lack of transportation. And we all missed church because it took all night to fix the car. But thankfully Philip was able to fix everything. YEH! We did notice the windshield is broken down in the bottom corner so we are praying that will last a while as we absolutely cannot afford a new windshield right now!
Then as if that wasn't enough for my 17 year old boy.....his I-pod quit working after nearly an hour and a half with technical support both on the phone and computer. It cannot be fixed. For those of you who know my boy.....you know that is probably the absolute worst thing that could happen to him. He lives and breathes music. For him to be without music.....I shudder to think the moods that will follow him around until he has enough money to replace it.
He has been looking for a job for a couple months now, put in several applications and has had no calls yet, he is getting discouraged.
WHEW! what a week he has had. Pray for him!

Iowa Energy

Scott works at BCBS and the company gave all employees who wanted them free tickets to the Iowa Energy Basketball game Monday night. I must admit I was less than excited about going to the game with all the kids. Dominique got 4 ticket so he brought 3 friends with him. We picked up our nephew on the way to the game. I don't think anyone in the stadium enjoyed the game more than Elijah! When Scott suggested at 9:30 that we leave. Elijah was horrified!

Daddy Look at the score! (95 to 95) we can't leave NOW! I am glad we stayed for the rest of the game the last 8 minutes were pretty intense! Everyone had a blast. Thanks BCBS for a fun family night!

I found a new template for Christmas. It is tree full of lights and it is PURPLE! Can't get much better than that! The only bummer is that when you make a new one you lose all the pictures from the side bar. Right now I don't feel like putting them back. Maybe later. I hope you all like the new look! It will be here until January!
Saturday while shopping we stopped at a cell phone accesories kiosk in the mall and Scott bought us new covers for our phones. I have been wanting a cover since we got the new phones in September. Of course Scott bought a New York Yankees cover. I found a purple cover that has Eeore on it. I love it! I tried to copy the picture from the web and both are copy-righted pictures, what a bummer.

Joy came home!!!

Joy was home for Thanksgiving. So, of course she babysat for us so we could go out. Scott and I left at 9 Saturday morning and returned shortly after 9 Saturday night. We are almost completely done Christmas shopping!! Yeah! We had a great time with each other without any kids. Although the kids called us 9 million times we still had a blast! There are a few lessons I learned though.

• Never, never and I mean NEVER take Daddy shopping for clothing for your teenaged daughter!!!!!!!!
• Never go shopping the Saturday after Thanksgiving without Advil or someother kind of headache relieving medication.
• Never complain about your husband becoming grumpy, because he will then become MORE grumpy ;0) (he quickly recovered)
• Always go with a master plan and a map.
• Always be thoughtful and polite to people who cross your path. You never know whom you may run into, more than that, you may change someones bad attitude into a good one. There is a reason Bees like honey so much!
• When looking for a hiding place for the treasures you purchased, stash them in someone elses house! Hee Hee, that will make your kids crazy!!

We had a nice day, I over-did it of course. My neck is giving me fits, I think the recovery thing is going to drag out a while longer. It is hard because I have so many things I have to do, Laundry, cooking, cleaning, blah~blah~blah. You know, all the same things every other mom has to do, it just seems a whole lot harder when you are in pain. Now I have been getting these monster headaches in the late evening, I think it is because I do too much throughout the day. Anyway.....we did have an enjoyable time shopping together. We don't have many opportunities to do anything without kids so I wasn't going to give up a minute of it!

Thankfull hearts all around

My heart is full. I love this time of year. I try to teach my children to always be thankful for what we have all year through. But, there is something about this time of year that makes me more aware of the things for which I am thankful.

• That I have a Savior who loves me even when I have a hard time loving myself!
• For 6 wonderfully different children, who at times may make me a little crazy, but I would never want to spend a day without any of them!
• For a brother who lives right down the street and loves to spend time with us and is always willing to help out with anything we need.
• For my mother moving back to Iowa to be close to her grandchildren.
• For friends who pray for us daily.
• For Gramma who inspires me to be a more Godly woman everyday!
• For Isaiah's gift of time.....to wait before we have to have surgery. Everyday without surgery is a gift I cherish.
• For health and God's Hands of Protection over all of us everyday!

I love Thanksgiving, sitting around the table as a family and listening to what each one is thankful for. My heart swelled as I listened to each one list their 'thankfuls' as Elijah calls them. Not one of them said they were thankful for things. What a wonderful time we had enjoying each others company.

Smells that take you back in time.

There are some things that take you back in time to years gone by, maybe childhood, or teenage years or some other time in your life. sometimes it is a song playing on the radio or the way the sun filters gently through a partially drawn shade at just the right time of the afternoon. For me this week it was all about smell and a little about taste. It amazed me at how quickly I was a child again in my mind.
My brother has been trying for years to bake the bread our dad always baked when we were growing up. Saturday mornings of our childhood always smelled of freshly baking bread. mmmmmmmmmmm
So, anyway after Dad died I got some of his recipes and one of them was the bread recipe. So as we were discussing our Thanksgiving feast Philip requested Dad's bread. I told him if he bought the ingredients and came up on his day off we would make it together. So he arrived at 7:45 Monday morning ready to bake! We had so much fun, mixing, kneading, laughing, and baking. Isaiah got the best job he got to punch down the dough after the first rising! Man did my house smell yummy!
The next memory transport occurred when we took the first bite at dinner, I think Philip even looked like he was 10 years old again! Wish I would have had the camera handy to capture the look on his face when he ate that bread. Not much better than happy childhood memories and the smell of fresh baked bread!

new van and PT

Well, we finally were able to find a new/old van that both Scott and I think will work with our family. Although I am disappointed we couldn't find an 8 passenger we did the best we could, and since Dominique drives it wasn't as urgent this time around to get 8 pass. We bought a blue/gray/saphire/who really knows what color it is. Dodge Grand Caravan. I'm happy with our choice. Many thanks go out to all those who helped us try to find one, prayed for us, and my brother for checking it out so I was at ease with our choice.
I went back to the doctor today, and guess what I get to do????? Physical therapy. At least I get to pick where I go, so I chose the place where we took Isaiah. I love the people who work there and am very comfortable with all of them. So, it wont be that bad, besides, I have to talk to them again and make sure they are lined up and ready for Isaiah to come back when he needs to. PT begins next week.

Secret Project

the finished project.

Uncle Cowboy and Isaiah worked very hard to build a table and chair set for Sam and Amaris. They spent 3 weeks hiding out in Uncle's garage building to their hearts content.
Measurements have to be just right.
looking good.
Almost done!
They had such a great time. Uncle Cowboy is such a patient teacher, they had so much fun!

Week in review

I know it is only Thursday, BUT this week has been LONG!
Tuesday:
Scott took me back to the doctor for a check on my neck...did not go so great. X-Rays were perfect but the problems are muscular, ligament and tendon issues. Which means a slower recovery, GREAT! I love that! She also said I can't drive, I have to come back in a week to see her, if I am not 40-50% better by then she will send me to physical thereapy. Ok, stop the train I am getting off! I don't have time, money or patience for PT! Is anyone listening to me?? So then she drops the bomb....I get to have 2 shots. WHOO HOO!! It just keeps getting better right? So, I get a shot of prednisone in one cheeck and toradol in the other. One stop at the pharmacy $90 later I am set for another week of recovery. Oh and keep up the heat, it should help. Somehow I managed to prepare dinner, but by 6:00 I was so sick, one of those shots made me sick. All night I was up sick. That did not help my neck feel any better let me tell you!
Wednesday:
Since I still can't drive and still have no vehicle to drive even if I could....I had to ask my mom to take us to Isaiah's appointment in West Des Moines. I do appreciate her willingness to help but feel bad to ask for the help. What an imposition. It was a very cold and windy day. We got home just as the bus was dropping off Elijah and Amaris. Perfect timing. I was feeling pretty awful by then so tried to rest. Scott got home and I asked him if we could go to Applebees for dinner, we never eat out, but the selling point was kids eat for 99 cents on Wednesdays for us that is about the same as Mcdonalds. Being the wonderful guy he is, he said yes. After dinner, off to church, by that time I was feeling really bad but it was Pastor Greg's last night at our church and I had to help serve cake at the reception after church. When we got home I had a monster headache You would not believe the size of that headache. I think this crazy medicine they have me taking is doing odd things to my body. I hardly slept at all last night.
Thursday:
I couldn't take Isaiah to school for guidance today. Bummer!
Later in the morning my mom picked me up to take me to run errands and stop at Share What you Wear at Gramma's church. I dropped off several bags of donations and was very disappointed to see that when we got into the church all the size tables I was looking for were empty. Hopefully our donation will help someone.
Errands done, we returned home and I was actually hungry for the first time in 3 days. I had a little lunch and took more meds. Then I helped Dominique make brownies. He and Sierra are going to a concert this evening and he wanted to take brownies with him.
We heard from insurance, they decided not to total the van even though the repairs are almost as much money as the blue book value. We decided not to fix the van, so sent back the check and asked for a new one. Signed the title over to the owner of the auto shop. Now we wait for the check so we can begin looking for a new/old van. we are praying we will be able to find a really great deal!
Isaiah has been having less pain this week but more numbness and tingling in his legs. Not sure what that is all about. We will keep charting and waiting. He has been the best little helper man in the world since I got hurt! He vaccuums for me, takes care of Sam, fixes lunch. Prays for me and heats up my neck wrap whenever it gets cold. He is so sweet!
Elijah's foot is healing nicely, the bruise on his chin has faded into this weird shade of brown and purple mixed all together.
Amaris has been having asthma issues all week. We should have thought before we had the kids rake all the leaves and then jump into them. But what would fall be like with out leaf jumping??
I think I am going to try to cook dinner tonight, I chose stir fry, that should be easy enough.

here's what's happening....

I have many thanks to send out....first and most of all to all who have prayed for us. My neck is beginning to feel a bit better, I quit taking the meds because honestly they just didn't work. I have to return to see the doc this afternoon.
Scott's mom and sister brought us KFC for dinner on Thursday, Bill and Donna brought lasagna Friday night, The Beery's brought dinner Saturday. Boy, let me tell you how much that helped. You see, I have a husband who can not cook! Usually, when I anticipate things I cook ahead and freeze dinners so we don't get into a jam. Who could have seen this coming?? To be honest with you, I was not up to cooking last night either, but I was really trying to get it done when my brother arrived and took over, he made spaghetti and garlic bread. Thanks to everyone! Now if I can find some relief in my neck long enough to catch up on laundry and cook dinner today we will be good. Seriously, I had to lie down last night after dinner, and I wasn't sure I'd be getting up again. This is crazy!
Then, Saturday Elijah was goofing around on the treadmill and got his foot stuck, cutting every single toe on the right foot. He is lucky he still has toes! Since we are down to Scott's car and Dominique's. We had to have Dominique drive 2 of the kids to church on Sunday, yes I went and yes it was a mistake. But that is beside the point. Anyway, When they were leaving church Elijah was running up the stairs and slipped and hit his chin on the steps. He has a monster bruise that covers his entire chin. It is kind of the color of grape jelly, I tasted it and it is definately not jelly.
Then, yesterday we thought Dominique might have mono or something, so we took him ion to the clinic, saw a doc, had blood work done, probably viral. You know I think that is what they say when they have no idea what else to say. Rest rest rest. That is all.
We waiting for our check from the insurance company then we can start looking for a new/old vehicle. My brother found one on Ebay for me. He knows I really want a suburban, But I know that is never gonna happen. Anyway, he read it to me and I got all excited. $3000, 40,ooo miles, excellant condition, new tires, brakes etc.....pictures were great. So, I asked what year and where was it located so we could maybe look at it. Well........we would have to take a road trip to see it, because it is in Texas. It was also a 1984 Suburban! can you even imagine a car that old having only 40,000 miles??? Thanks for the laugh bro! I think we'll keep looking.

Oh Deer!

We were on our way to church last night and from out of nowhere came a deer. And yes, we hit it. Pretty sure the van is a total loss. A friend from church is writing an estimate and submitting it to our insurance company so we will have to wait and see what happens. God was definitely with us in the van, Isaiah and all the other kids are fine. We have to keep an eye on Isaiah for the first 48 hours after the accident, but so far he is fine, so I don't expect anything to change. I on the other hand.....instinct kicked in and when I realized we were going to hit the deer, I turned around to make sure the kids were OK and so when we hit.....yeah....I have been in a lot of pain since impact. Scott took me to the walk in clinic and the doc gave me all kinds of meds to help and told me I have to take it easy....ha ha....she has no idea how many children I have! The kids are trying to be helpful...Whip lash is a real thing and quite painful for those of you out there who had no idea....WOW! I can't get comfortable no matter how hard I try.
So many bummers from this.....no van, how am I going to get around with all the kids to all the appointments we have??? How are we ever going to find a new/old van to replace it without having to start driving 2 vehicles every where we go? Can you say HEADACHE??? I have a monster one of those! We had to miss church last night....I had the best lesson planned out for the class I was supposed to sub in, I was bummed! I am going to have to miss PTA tonight, I told Scott if he didn't want me to go to PTA there are much nicer ways to keep me home.
The best thing is.....all my kids are safe, and my husband is safe too. Thank you God for taking care of them for me!!! Seat belts are a good thing!

No music today.

What a bummer! Isaiah was supposed to begin music at the school today. But with a cold and very high level of pain we had to convince him to take the meds. So, now he is a bit loopey and can't go up to school.
I am decorating 2 cakes for my mother's church auction tonight. One idea I got from Pastor Lori's blog, it turned out WAY better than I thought it would, a popcorn bucket. The other one will be a Veggie Tales cake. I hope they go over well for the auction, it was fun making them!
Madison is going to a slumber party tonight and so I am making the home made oreo cookies, I got that recipe off of Erica's blog. YUM! The first time I made them they went over so well everyone who ate one keeps asking me to make more!
Dominique is going to his friend Kyle's house tonight and he wants to take brownies. I think I may be in the kitchen all day!
The rest of us, if Isaiah is feeling better will go to the chili supper and auction at mom's church. That should be a ton of fun!
Saturday is our Missions Banquet at church, Scott and I always help with the childrens banquet, this time I helped to plan the activities so I am excited to see how much fun we will all have learning about missionaries and their missions!
Happy Friday everyone!
I finally got the pix posted!!

A road trip and some Legos

Thanks to the wonderful staff at Runnells, Isaiah had a new Lego set to build on the ride up to the hospital Oct. 14.
Oh, it is so nice to travel with a son who is old enough to drive, likes to drive and is a safe driver. Because otherwise I'd have been in the looney bin by the time we arrived.
Silly Isaiah, found this basket decoration in the apartment and thought it would make a better hat!
Dominique took over the living room area. There was a nice pull out bed and all he needed was a frozen pizza and he was all set.
Isaiah took the spare bedroom for his lego building.

Apples

YUM! There is nothing like a nice crisp apple plucked from a tree!

Stretch!

Three little monkeys sitting in a tree....

Apples and Trees

Pumpkins

These are some pix from when we went to the pumpkin part of the farm. It was a beautiful day! It even got hot during the early afternoon.

We missed Dominique!!!

I can't believe its Thursday again!

We have had a very busy week again! Dentist appointments for the other half of the children Monday. Good news for all. Madison is still lobbying for braces, even though she doesn't NEED them. For some crazy reason she thinks she has to have them. I am sorry but, some things are necessary and some are not. Those that are not go to the bottom of the list! Dominique will have his wisdom tooth pulled sometime in December.
Yesterday while cooking the family dinner I noticed the water pressure in the kitchen sink was low we ran around the house checking the other faucets and they were all fine. At this point you would think I would be smart enough to investigate further...nope! I figured well, that's weird, and continued on with my task of preparing dinner and cleaning up the dishes so we could go to church. After dinner my brother made a comment about the pressure, again I passed it off as just being odd. Then I reached under the sink into the cabinet and water poured out everywhere....GREAT! Now we had to go to Menards before church so he could fix it after church. Good news, the hose thing that broke was under warranty so we got a FREE replacement and were on our way. HAPPY!
Not for long.....
upon arriving home at 9:10pm and trying to hussle the kiddies through snack and off to bed while Philip was fixing the sink. We all hear this frantic MOM coming from Dominique's room.
WHY WHY WHY did I not think about his room being directly under the kitchen you ask?????? I don't know. BUY the kitchen must have been leaking all day because it flooded his bedroom, his bed is a total loss! So, now at 9:30pm we are washing bedding and pillows, and hauling a perfectly good but ruined mattress outside. Then we had to set fans up to dry out his floor. Now he has to sleep on the floor until we can buy him a new mattress.
So there you have it. I win the contest for the least observant and quite possibly the dumbest person of the week.
Pray for Isaiah, his pain is consistently rating around a seven on the 10 scale, although he rarely ever complains and most often refuses meds we are having more difficulty keeping him comfortable.
That is about all for now. I am going to update some photos now....