started this last night...completed today...

As I sit here on the computer counting the things I forgot to do in the past week. Darkness and silence of the night envelope me as I savor the peace and quiet that has settled in around me. The children are all tucked in bed, prayed up and should be dreaming by now. I love times like this when I have the peace to reflect on the day, the week, sometimes I have larger chunks of time to reflect on and other times smaller.

I feel myself slipping into a pouty mood, anymore it doesn't take much effort to bring forth tears that spill out the corners of my eyes. Leaving salty trails down my cheeks and tiny puddles on my leg.

Funny how reflection takes you places you haven't been before, to places you thought you'd never visit again, places you wish you could return to. Tonight I find myself reflecting on the job I have done (or not done) as a mom. How many titles do you have as a mom? You begin your journey through motherhood called Mommy, and if you are anything like me you will, at one point or another wear the title proudly whatever title they chose for the moment. Mommy, mother, mom, MOOOOOOOOM, mama. I have been known to answer to all of the above mentioned titles. I also have been known to respond to just about any random voice calling out "mooooom". Maybe not quite that bad, but seriously, when I hear that small voice calling out sometimes I don't pay attention to see if that voice belongs to me or another fellow mom. I can't help but to be sad at the thought of all those titles....Dominique wont ever call me Mommy or Mama, again....I can still hear his tiny little voice hollering from across the yard. Mommy....Now I will become mom, Ma, or Mother ( I don't like that one at all). I will lovingly answer to whatever title he chooses to use as long as he never calls me Angela! Soon, the rest of the kids will be following in his path...
Miles stones bring me to these reflective states. We are celebrating and (yes at times my celebratory mood is a bit reluctant but I am celebrating non the less.) many mile stones this year. The babe has championed his way through obstacles no one thought he could and has shown himself to be a true fighter and champion. He is such a blessing. I love to play with his sweet little curls as the spring out from under his blankie while he is all cozied up next to my chest trying to fight off the drowsy feeling that is comes over him while snuggling. He is a champ at the fight but eventually loses every time. He reminds me so much of Dominique when he was a babe. Funny how that can be, since there is no genetic link to speak of. First birthday. Soon we will celebrate adoption day and he will be forever my son. A day I will cherish in my heart.
Samuel started kindergarten. I see the subtle changes in him. Trying so very hard to be a big boy now. He was even sad when he got into trouble last night. If you know my Sam, then you know that is a new thing. ;0)
Amaris continues to amaze me. If you could ave seen her when she first came to live with us, and for those first couple years, you would clearly see the transformation that has taken place in her. I am so proud of her and the progress she has made. Protected by God....suits her perfectly!
Madison is on a journey towards healing. pray for her please. the road can seem long and lonely at times. but when she arrives the reward will be more than she can imagine!
Isaiah and Elijah are content to be where they are. Making me laugh daily!
Dominique....college student...young adult....independant....yes, he is all of those things and that turd respectfully requested that his mom NOT call him every day...I need another tissue please.
milestones. bless you, allow you to grow and yes at times cause you to cry. but with out them where would we all be?