Where do I begin?
Thanks to the generosity of friends who stepped up and took our children we made the very long trek down to see Madison for the first time since she has been away.
I am not sure what I expected. You know me, there were a million different thoughts racing through my mind and I had worked out every possible scenario I could think of.
I packed everything each child would need, Picked Samuel and Amaris up from school at 1130 on Friday. Dropped Amaris off at Wendi's, ran through the McDonald's drive thru to grab lunch for Sam. Switched vehicles, dropped Samuel and The Burrito off at Miss Trudy's house. We were on the road by 1:00.
The drive down was tense and quiet. Neither of us had much to say as neither of us knew quite what to expect. We have had little communication from Madison. And the staff are not allowed to give too much info over the phone. Who knew silence could feel so heavy.
We arrived at the hotel around 7pm. Grabbed some dinner and then back to the hotel, I had such an awful headache all I wanted to do was Lay down in the darkest quietest place on earth and not get up until it left my head. Unfortunately for me I woke with the same awful headache I went to sleep with. UGH!
The weather was hot and humid. 87 degrees and no air conditioning in the building we visited in.
I guess I really don't know what I expected when we finally got to see her and spend time with her. She practically hugged the life right out of me. It was good to see her sweet freckled face.
Not much else has changed.....yet.....The training for parents was good. We got a lot of information. Confirmation that I am not crazy. Or alone.
We were ushered into an old cafeteria where our visit was to be held. There sitting in small clusters at long tables were other parents and their girls. Mirrors of us.
We did not know we were to bring lunch for us. Penny the cook was kind enough to take care of us this time. Next time we will know. We could of brought games to play. 4 hours is a long time to sit in one chair. Lets face it when your daughter is still mad at you there isn't a whole lot to chat about either. I had gotten a message on my phone from her counselor earlier in the day on Friday saying if we brought ingredients for cookies we MIGHT be able to bake. So we stopped at WalMart on our way and bought some cookie dough. About half way through our visit we baked cookies and shared them with the other families.
It is clear that she has not yet arrived to the place where she sees the bennefits of where she is. She is not yet ready to embrace all the things God has in store for her. I didn't really expect her to be there yet. It has only been one month and 9 days after all. I do expect that she will tests the waters a bit more, I do expect ehr to stay angry a while longer and try to manuever her way out. But, I also expect that one of these days....whether it be a long time or very soon....one of these days when I answer the phone or see her sweet face....my daughter will have metamorphosed into a beautiful butterfly...for now she is still a little caterpillar....weaving her cocoon.
Our good bye was to my surprise easier than I anticipated. But almost as soon as we left the building sadness crept in and my heart clouded over.
The drive home was long....the garmin got us lost and added an hour to the trip. We arrived home at 11pm Isaiah and Elijah had been home with my mother about 45 minutes and were freshly showered waiting for our arrival.
We picked up the rest of the monsters from church this morning. We had good reports from all the wonderful caregivers! So either my monsters are nicer to others OR they lied...teehee. either way I am grateful for the care you all provided for my monsters this weekend!
Still have the headache and now we are preparing to enter into the final week of school then off to Uncle Nate's wedding. whew!