So much has been happening since last i posted.
Christmas with the in-laws.
Trudging through the week trying to get last minute things done for Christmas.
Trying to get all the financial aid set up and confirmed for the big move.
Struggling with still not feeling 100%.
This time of year can get to be so hectic and crazy. I had decided early this year I would not get carried away. For the most part I think I have done well in that respect. I really focused the monsters on the real reason we celebrate Christmas. We have talked alot about being givers in this world and not allowing selfish thoughts to carry us away. I am proud of the little monsters...they all have giving hearts, some a bit more giving than others, but still. they amaze me.
I love it when Christmas is quiet and we have no place we have to be. The monsters stay in their new PJ's all day and play, I cook, they graze...nothihng formal. I wish that kind of peace in every household. Don't get me wrong we had our share of hyper, manic, crazy, loud, arguing, crabby, festivities overload. But it was nice not to have to pack them all up and go visiting.
Some things have been happening in the last couple weeks that have pushed me closer to the desire for simple peace to arrive, and take up residence in my heart and home permanently. I have come to the realization of a few things....I can not control how other people see me, I can not force others to like/love me, I can no longer pretend that words spoken do not hurt...cuz they do, they stay in the corners of your heart and live far longer than a bruise that fades in time, I can not expect anyone to stand up and defend me, I can bring peace to my own heart, I can protect those around me, I can be an example of unconditional love and acceptance to my children, I can show them what real love looks like....feels like. I can use my hurts to protect them from theirs.
In this new year....I have no idea what God has in store, but I do know God will lead this heart of mine and I will stand upright and not be afraid.