Now that I have gone member only, I am thinking changing the name from 'my transparent heart' to 'my hidden heart' may be more appropriate. I hate that I have been forced into hiding. Forced to protect my thoughts and feelings. But, I would far rather protect my family and myself than to have anyone who feels like it, randomly leave unkind messages for all the world to see.
I think by far the sadest part for me were the messages I have recieved from people all over. Telling me that they stumbled on my blog through some search or another, that they are living and breathing similarly painful situations in their lives. That they if nothing else gain the strength of knowing they are not alone and quite possibly are not as crazy as they thought. Living with a loved one with a serious mental illness is a scary lonely place to be much of the time, and just finding someone ,even if they are not there in a form you could reach out and touch, brings a kind of comfort that is difficult to describe. Sadly these people who have contacted me do not feel comfortable revealing their identities and locations so I can not invite them to join. That makes me sad. Very sad.