I am a mom. Mom to 8 children. I have been a mom for 20 years, 4 months and 7 days. This morning I woke after a fit filled nights sleep. I realized this morning although I have played with the concept for some time now. Like Dominique's senior year of high school. Or when he went off to live in the dorms for the first time. Or the first time I had to sit down and have the welcome to real life discussion. So I have visited this place of letting go before. I just chose not to stay. I would make quick necessary visits then go back to the comforts of 'home' where I can keep my children safe and make them successful, HAPPY, well adjusted young adults. But here lately, I have come to the place where I am forced to pack up the 'old mom' and move to letting go. I hate every minute of it. It is painful at times to see your child turn and head down the path you know is not right for them. Or to watch them make a decision you completely disagree with and you taught them NOT to behave in a way in which they suddenly behave. It is difficult when you know they are out there in the world doing things and showing the world a mirror reflection of yourself as the parent who raised them. It is most difficult for me to state my opinion, step back and watch. I always seem to state my opinion step back then jump right back in there and give more advice trying with all my might to sway their decision. Desperate to protect from the inevitable consequence and pain that I am sure will follow.
Right now I am struggling with letting go of my 2 oldest. Both in different ways, both have triumphs and successes along with the pain of failure and disappointment. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised and sometimes I am deeply disappointed in the choices they make. I must take in a very deep breath and hold it...maybe in another 5 years I will have this letting go thing mastered and they will magically have the ability to seek and take counsel when making life altering decisions. I love my children and want all the best for each of them.
I am trying more every day to remember that I taught them all I could, gave them the foundation of faith and unconditional love. I pray over them and KNOW that they and their futures lie in the palm of God's hand. .
2 comments:
This verse just popped in my head when i read your words and found a great version of it! just know that your children were at least at one point living for God, and He don't let go of His children very easily! God is watching over both of them and i truly believe God's will will be done! Continuing in prayer with you!
Isaiah 55:11 (The Message)
8-11"I don't think the way you think.
The way you work isn't the way I work."
God's Decree.
"For as the sky soars high above earth,
so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
and the way I think is beyond the way you think.
Just as rain and snow descend from the skies
and don't go back until they've watered the earth,
Doing their work of making things grow and blossom,
producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
So will the words that come out of my mouth
not come back empty-handed.
They'll do the work I sent them to do,
they'll complete the assignment I gave them
Love you, Nita
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