before reading please understand....I write to make sense out of the swirls of my mind. It helps me feel better and helps me think more clearly. LOVE you ALL!!

Goodness. I have thought and thought about what to write here the last few days. I started to write several different things then either deleted them or put them into the draft file. I have so many emotions rolling around within the walls of my heart. Welling up like ocean waves waiting to crash onto the shores of my soul.
I wrote about my children. I wrote about Lij and his pain that was healed. I wrote about love and heroes. I wrote about lost sheep and my boy and the little lamb my daughter. I wrote about the past of my children defining who they are today the pains they have suffered at the hands or genetics of the bios causing scars to form and altering their present and future. and I wrote of wondering if those scars are forever or will they fade away. have their bios left such imprints on who they are that it will never change who they will become. how can I heal those wounds. I wrote about prayer and forgiveness and unconditional love. I wrote about friends who seem closer than a sister. I wrote about my heart weeping wrenching with cries for the children...the  lost and forgotten children the foster children young and old. I wrote about dropz of hope and the direction we are heading or not heading the progress we have made and the set backs we have suffered. magazines and failed fundraisers. hopes for the future. needs for the children. I wrote of dogs and a little boys broken heart. I wrote of tears and how the shower is the best place to cry because no one can see your pain and the tears wash down the drain leaving no evidence behind. beautiful. I wrote of Life lessons a mother wishes she could erase. I wrote about relationships new and old. lost or hurt or forgotten or neglected. I wrote of jealousies and misunderstandings. I wrote of disappointments fears triumphs and rejoicing. I wrote of chicken potpie and apple crisp. I wrote of wisdom and encouragement. I wrote of losses and sadness. tears and laughter. I wrote of India a missing my brother. Tours and missing my Son. I wrote of love and loss and....
and none of it seemed to make any more sense when typed out on this lovely blog for all to read than it did while still swirling in my heart causing waves to swell and threaten the beaches of my soul....so I sighed and clicked delete or save to draft and quietly shut off the computer and walked away.
My heart is heavy. my soul is stormy and I am not quite sure how to express it all in words that make any sense at all.
so.
I am here.
still swirling with the storm of thoughts. overwhelmed by it all and the enormity of life.
but still praising. still praying. still growing and still not totally consumed by the storm.
love ~ ang