This morning Mark called me back from FFY. He shared with me that through his prayer and discussion with other staff he felt it was right to give Madison another chance to skip the suspension and the dismissal all together and start over. Mark went to have a meeting with Madison. She was still quite worked up form last nights encounter and tantrum with Dee. Madison told Mark off, was rude and basically told him she didn't intend to stay nor did she want help from anyone. He was clearly shocked by her response and when I attempted to expalin the response and its origin he missed the point completely. I felt the pain in his voice over the phone, I heard the strain in each word as he explained that Madison was packed and planning to leave any moment.
I could never have made it over there in time to stop her. So I fell to my knees on the kitchen floor crying, begging pleading God to stop her, to shake some sense into that head of hers and I called Sara. We all tried, there was no talking to her. She was determined and had a way out lined up.
Madison left FFY sometime this morning with a boy and / or his sister Dee could not give us any details about the departure. She didnt think to pay attention...
and now some 15 hours later my daughter has been swallowed up by the streets of Des Moines, DSM seems such a small place when you have lived on both coasts but such an impossibly huge place when your child is missing in its belly.
I cant stop my mind from racing to the horrific thoughts of what may be happening to her now. When I think of the events and how they have unfolded I am spechless and left feeling confussed and sick to my stomache.
The other sad thing I have learned...or re-learned these past couple days. When crisis hits you square in the face and you are left standing in the midst of disaster all around you unable to even draw a breath you truly find your friends. People show their true feelings for you in times like this. I am saddened, shocked, surprised and happy all at the same time. Some peopel I counted as some of my closest friends have yet to call or even send a message of any kind, some family members have had nothing to say. and some people I never would have thought cared at all have been here. I wish it didnt happen that way. But I suppose I would rather know who really loves me than be fooled by those who dont.
I still cant wrap my mind around the idea that my daughter is missing and I ahve no idea how to find her...I can barely breath...