It was the day before Thanksgiving. I had a very small window of time to drive 2 hours and 30 minutes to Mason City to have a discharge meeting and get back home before the kiddos got home from school. As soon as the last round of kiddos got on the bus, I got our faithful babysitter settled in and hit the road.
On the drive My mind wandered to many places. I let it wander back to the day I first learned of her. I allowed myself to linger on each moment of our journey, the sweet to the not so sweet. The happy and the sad. The tough and rewarding. What an interesting journey this has been. I love how God is in every moment in every detail He never ceases to blow my mind in His attention to detail and His awesome sense of humor.
As I got closer to my destination I began to imagine what it would be like when I arrived and when I saw her. I envisioned that she would, for the first time run to me, throw her arms around my neck, and squeal how happy she was to see me. I think this vision was more for my own benefit than for hers. Especially since it never happened. Silly me, I knew it wouldn't be like that, but it was nice to imagine. I am still working on earning her trust it will be a while before I get a spontaneous hug.
I arrived and met with the team, then I saw her sweet little face. There she stood looking very small but looking happy and maybe a smidge excited. she smiled one of her sweet genuine smiles the kind that melts your heart from the inside out. I thought to myself...."God, how did I ever live the last 11 years without this sweet girl??"
We loaded up all her worldly belongings, everything she owns fit neatly into 2 Rubbermaid tubs and a raggedy little box. My heart squeezed into itself and I felt a pain for her I had never known before. Lord, please forgive me for my selfish ways and for not appreciating all the wonderful gifts You have so generously given to me.....
The first few miles were silent, I can not imagine what was going on inside of her little head as each mile past and we went further away from what she had known as home for the last 12 months. Heading towards a place she had only visited.
The first thing she asked was if she was still going to get her ears pierced. Of course! was my reply. A big grin broke slowly across her face. Then she was lost in thought again while staring out the window at the passing scenery. Then a very interesting thing happened....she spotted a group of about 8 small deer, she pointed them out to me and then she said "I wonder where their GUARDIAN is....it isn't safe for them to be out there with out a guardian. Her words bounced around inside my head and the more I replayed them the more sad I became. She has no ability to identify with a parent child relationship, she only understand and accepts a child guardian relationship. "God please help me change that soon...."
As the miles passed slowly by, we chatted a little. And arrived home about 10 minute after the kiddos got off the bus. Not too bad!
I have been surprised each day by the lack of issues, I expected the first few days to be a little rough but they have been good. Over all, anyway.
Thanksgiving. As we all sat around the table eagerly waiting the time to dig in, we took turns sharing what we are most thankful for this year. It came around to Sassy and she fidgeted a bit in her seat, I thought maybe she doesn't want to share, just as I opened my mouth to tell her she could pass, she looked at the floor and quietly but in a strong voice said "I am thankful this year I finally have a Real family, of my own." and that was it. I cried but tied to hide the tears. I am thankful for You too dear little one....
We hit a few rough patches but nothing too big. Saturday arrived and After lunch Amaris Sassy and headed out to the mall. First stop was to get her ears pierced, poor baby looked so scared sitting in that tall chair. But the grin that covered her face as she looked in the hand mirror the lady gave her was priceless!! I got my first hug!! Then it was off to shop for her first day of school outfit. We looked and looked and looked until we FINALLY found the perfect outfit, complete with a fancy pair of black sequined high top sneakers.
Just as we were preparing to leave the mall I looked at my 2 girls, standing side by side, it struck me, out of nowhere. I realized just how amazing God is. These girls look like sisters. Same color hair, EXACT same eyes....not close tot he same but the exact same color. Why I am sometimes caught by surprise when He cares for the small things, I don't know. But this day, it brought great joy to this mamas heart that God loved my girls so much that He created them in separate wombs to look so much alike! Amazing!
On the way home we stopped at the stores to purchase the ingredients for Sassy's meal, she wanted to plan a dinner for the family and help me prepare it. Only, when we got home she never did come into the kitchen.
Sunday was a bit more rough than the previous 4, but I think she is just nervous, not knowing what to expect tomorrow as she begins her journey at school. I am convinced she will fall in love with our school, her teacher and she will make a new friend right away!
I am so excited to watch and see how our journey unfolds. God is faithful, so I know even when we hit a rough spot or 2 or 10 He will be right there to carry us through it, especially since this was HIS idea.
Please pray with us as we walk out HIS amazing plans for all of us!!
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