I woke this morning and all I could think about while I was showering and scampering about trying to motivate sleepy head children to move themselves along was my old pink Bible I love this Bible, it is about 20 years old, a little rough around the edges has lost its binding and has some wrinkles.....But this morning for some reason it was important to me to find it and pull it into my lap. So, in the 40 minutes I have between the first bus pulling away from the house and the need to wake the next round of kiddos up I rummaged through a couple drawers and there in the bottom of the 2nd drawer I found it nestled amongst a pile of important papers. Carefully I slid it out of its spot n the drawer, poured a fresh cup of coffee and settled in to the cozy corner of the couch.
I found many precious gems inside. I had no idea WHY I needed this Bible today But God did....and as I thumbed through aimlessly He began to reveal what exactly He wanted me to see.
The first thing I came across was a special group of verses that as I read I felt pressed to send them to a friend. So I signed on to Facebook said a quick prayer and sent her a special private message with the verses and a note....
Then I found this a devotional with notes scrawled all over it:
Christian are sometimes accused of being so heavenly-minded that they are No earthly good.
I let this settle in and expand in my mind.
We get caught up in choir rehearsals bible studies and other Church activities and ignore needs around us. When problems are brought to our attention, we content ourselves with feeling sorry about them while doing nothing. But sympathetic thoughts or kindly musings are not true compassion.
I sat back a moment. Thinking over the past few days, weeks months and year.....how many times have I wrapped my problems around my shoulders like a favorite blanket and blinded my eyes from seeing the needs of those around me. Lord, please forgive my lack of active compassion. Help me to be less for myself and more for You and those You position in my path. Lord, please let me SEE them when You send them.
True compassion is personal, active involvement that expresses God's merciful heart in words and in deeds.
God's people are to clothe themselves with compassion (Colossians 3:12). We are to meet others' needs, not to continually satisfy our own selfish desires. As God showers us with comfort through His Word and through other believers, we in turn are to redirect the stream of His mercy to others. We are not to hoard God's love, but to overflow with the good news of His compassion to all.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

WAIT a MINUTE!!
I have said this of my life and the crazy journeys I have traveled since I was a small child. I remember the first time I thought this very thought. I was sitting with Gramma Van Cleave on the front porch. During this time I was spending more time with my grandparents than ever before since Daddy had gone to California and we had to stay behind until the house sold. I was feeling sorry for myself of the horrible situation I had landed in and was looking for pity from Gramma and when our talk was done without her actually speaking these words I walked away feeling them.
Later after my parents divorced and I found myself again in a difficult situation.
again later when we had to leave home and move to NJ
again in high school when I had cancer and was forced to take the GED instead of finish out my senior year with all y classmates.
again when I found myself a single mother....
again when Daddy became too ill to care for himself so I quit college and moved Dominique and myself back home to care for him.
again and again I began to see THIS verse threaded throughout my life. And I realized. God was gently and lovingly reminding me of the importance of this verse. He reminded me that I need to look differently n the situations I find myself in right now.
The situation with my sweet little pumpkin. I have no idea what God has planned out from here on but I do know that He chose me to be a part of the plan if not forever at least for now. And today that is enough.
The situation with Madison. I love her so much. I have always loved her as if she were my very own daughter. I was her mother caregiver advocate fighter supporter cheerleader and more for so many years. I have really struggled these past 2 years with her running away and her choices. But today God reminded me that he DOES have a special place for me in her journey, even if that means my part is being forced to an end I still matter and I still made a difference. and I will always love her. so much.
Then I was reminded of conversations I have had with other parents recently. Parents going through the same foster type situations as we have over the years. Parents parenting children struggling with mental illness and the heartache it brings.
and then. the light went on.
Thank you Lord, for loving me enough to remind me of why I am here. Why You chose me to carry the burdens of this journey. Thank you for showing me that these are in fact not burdens but lessons I need to learn in order that I may help change anothers life. Thank you for trusting me enough to give these lessons and for loving me always and no matter what my attitude may be.
I am Blessed!