sometimes transparent really means cloudy with a chance for mud...

Parenting is not always sunshine smiles and laughter.
Sometimes parenting is painful sad and heartachy (yes, I just made that up)
I try to be uplifting and encouraging and a Godly example to anyone who may be experiencing the same parenting woes as I...and there are times (more often lately) that I beat myself up and force myself into silence for fear that I will be looked on as a complainer or worse yet....a weak Christian who can not handle anything cheerfully.
What I have decided at least in this moment of life, is that its ok not to feel cheerful, its ok to complain, its ok to hurt and tell about it.
Sometimes my life feels bright and sunshiny....transparent. As if all the world looks through the window of my world and no matter their circumstance can be warmed by the rays of happiness radiating from my world into theirs.
Other times my world feels a bit cloudy. Almost like the San Fransisco fog is rolling in over my sunshine, I can still feel the sunshine and I still know its there somewhere under the clouds and fog.
Then are the times when my life becomes down right muddy. I can't find my way out of the mud-puddle no matter how hard I try.
And you know what?
I bet there are many other parents out there who have a life just like mine. I bet its fairly normal to have transparent foggy muddy lives and it is even alright that I jot down bits and pieces along the way.
I am not depressed. I am not negative. I am a mom trying to navigate a daughter through the perils of mental illness the only problem I have right now is that she doesn't any navigational assistance. So right now living in the mud-puddle is where I reside. I am praying fro the relief of rain. In the form of anyone or anything positive that will help her navigate her way into a healthy wonderful life....one full of sunshine.