Today is one of those days when it seems like God chose to stand a little further from me. Now, maybe He did, and maybe He didn’t. Perhaps I subconsciously chose to take a step away from Him. Or, maybe He is always the same closeness to me and I choose not to acknowledge his presence.

After all, I am a busy lady with so much to do. I do not always have time to stop and just “be” in the presence of the creator of the universe. Sad really. Am I so different than others?

All I know is I felt the difference at about 216 this morning when I woke to pain gripping every fiber of my body. Seems to be the norm lately, the pain, the sleepless nights. This night rather than get on my knees and pray and turn on my worship music to drown not only my humanness but also the sounds of sleep the erupt from the mouths of my family...no this time, in the darkness of the night, I dragged myself for a cup of hot tea and snuggled on the couch with my own thoughts. I think thats where I went wrong...I didn't invite Him to join me in my pain or praise, at all. Do you ever have moments such as this, that you just want to be. nothing more. nothing less.

As I sat there snuggled on the couch i thought about a lot of things. thoughts twirled and tumbled around in my brain and made their way to my heart. where they have settled for a time. Its been a tough day. I don't know, I guess its a culmination of many things that brings one to a place like this.

Sadly after her small success and our visit Madison has been getting into lots of trouble and was moved back down a level and has lost all privileges...again...sigh. i am sad, disappointed and yes, even angry.

forgive the way this sounds following that....but. i miss Dominique. we had a great time when he was home. and. i. just. miss. him.

taking care of mother. progress is being made. thats good. more surgery scheduled for Isaiah's birthday.

the monsters went back to school. and where most mothers are ecstatic...i am sad. i miss the motion a flow of the day when they are not home.

so many other thoughts mingled in the mix....finally around 345 i meandered back to bed. only to wake this morning with a heavy heart and a sadness, that makes no sense, surrounding me. I even pondered the calendar wondering...is there something I am missing of significance in my history that would cause this sadness to creep in around me....nothing stood out, at least not today.
thank goodness for Isaiah who helped me decorate birthday cakes....he always makes me smile...

as i sat rocking the burrito and contemplating the last 24 hours. i see that where the trouble began was at 216 am when i ignored my Father and didn't seek Him for comfort. and this verse came to mind....

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

next time I will make some hot tea and invite my Father to join me...