ex·haus·tion (eg zôs′c̸hən, ig-)

noun

1. the act of exhausting
2. the state of being exhausted; esp.,
   1. great fatigue or weariness
   1. the condition of being used up; complete consumption

that is a fair description of how I am feeling. physically. emotionally. even spiritually right now. Do you ever find yourself in a situation where walls seem to be closing in around you on all sides? and it 'feels' as if everyone around you has disappeared. (I know they haven't) but there are times in my life where I just feel alone. even in a crowded room. even when someone is sitting right next to me. alone. according to webster "alone' is the condition of solitude. funny, I liked the word...solitude....it appealed to me....made alone-ness sound a bit...I don't know....happier...then I went to look up the definition of the word 'solitude'...state of being alone...(well ok duh!) then def. #2 a lonely place....hhhmmmm....I guess I don't like the word so much any more. Sometimes in my alone-ness I don't really feel lonely. It feels more like I am not able to relate to those around me. Is my heart so different from everyone elses that I am unable to connect? I have no idea....I know I am not really making any sense today. I am rambling...I apologize for that. I just hate the state I find myself in right now....I am NOT an emotional person....I do not cry or wear my emotions on my sleeve...I just was not made that way. But lately? I feel on the verge of crying all the time. Even a song or a passage of a book brings me to tears....I don't know what to do with it...I am not accustomed to feeling such emotion and honestly....am not likeing it at all. GET A GRIP ANG!!!
I am exhausted.
I am tired in my soul.
this is just a sounding board for me today...trying to collect myself...regroup....order my heart and thoughts...sometimes the journeys I wrote about the other day....are more difficult than we expected. I guess that is my problem today. Tomorrow will be better....