Our struggles have been great lately with Madison. Honestly we have been talking about group home placements. My desire for her is to grown into a healthy and happy young lady. You know, when I look in that freckled face of hers I see so much potential and wonder why it seems so difficult to find a way for that potential to become reality. It all boils down to one thing really....she has a choice. If she is not interested then all I can do is pray and leave her resting in the Hands of the God who created her...and pray somehow God will allow me to see the successes no matter how small and not feel so much like a complete failure as her parent.
Last night we had an amazing church service. Synergy is the combining of all generations once a month in our Sunday evening service, each month a different generation leads service. This month the youth had their turn. What an amazing time of worship and hearing from God.
Our new youth pastor Keith Robinson has been with us only 7 days. He shared his life story. I am telling you...if anyone left that sanctuary the same as they were when they entered...well I wont judge. I just find it impossible to NOT be moved on some level by his powerful story! Even Elijah talked about it last night. Who would of thought in the midst of his drawing while lying UNDER the chair he was soaking in the message. Not only was he listening but he GOT it! that is incredible! You should take a moment and check out Pastor Keith's web site~ www.emergexperience.com
His wife Samantha along with the youth worship team did a wonderful job leading worship.
Madison responded to the message last night....I am bag full of mixed emotions....I am so very hopeful that THIS is the first step we have been praying for. I am praying and seeking God to direct me and how I interact with her.
On the flip side of those hopeful prayers are the reality...NOT DOUBT...reality...that we have traveled this road before...many times...I must admit I am a bit apprehensive. Please do not misunderstand. I am not doubting God and His ability to save. to Heal. to win over a situation.
I think I am so weary from the months of heaviness from trudging through each hour. Waiting for the next burst of bad news of what in the world the latest thing she had done was....the weight of gingerly walking around the house waiting for the next explosion and wondering which one of the children I would have to protect this time...and how long would Isaiah have to keep the children downstairs this time while trying not to hear Madison rage for hours above their heads.
Bipolar is an unfriendly condition by which the entire family seems to be consumed.
So you see....I am taking baby steps...following Gods lead...hoping Madison will too. I am not expecting an instant transformation and poof all our troubles will fade away...I am not expecting the road to suddenly become easy to travel. But I am clinging to the ray of hope that burst out of our stormy skies last night. And I am praying this is the first baby step of many that will end with Madison being whole again...freckles and all!
1 comment:
My heart is so hurting for you right now. I had no idea. You are in my prayers. I know that God has a great path for her and He will lead her to it. You are such an amazing mother and woman and you were led to her for a reason. She is so lucky to have you in her life!!!
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