I took this photo of the Birthday Girl just before her bus came this morning!
BEAUTIFUL
Friday, August 31, 2012
Amaris turns 12
Today is Amaris' 12th birthday! 12!!! Holy Guacamole! In some respects it seems like yesterday that she arrived, pale scared and sick. Tiny for her age and old beyonde her years. and in some respects it really does feel like nearly 10 years. I am so proud of the progress she has made over the years. Amaris you are growing into a beautiful young lady with a heart that is soft for the world around you. Never change that. Keep seeking ways to help others. I love you bunches!
one of my greatest fears
Thus far, Burrito's wandering problem has been isolated to specific places. IE: from home to the park or into a neighbors house (uninvited) the grocery store, church, baseball games,etc.
Yesterday one of my greatest fears became a reality. Before I tell you the story let me tell you a little about wandering also known as BOLTING ELOPING RUNNING
We have spent a great amount of time studying this unique issue. We have developed safety plans. We have taken him to all the neighbors and explained our problem and built a nice sized bubble of responsible adults around him who will keep an extra close eye on him and bring home if seen wandering. When out in the community we make sure he has a 1:1 with at least one of our oldest if not a parent or other adult. We are trying to find financing for a tall privacy fence for our yard, also for an alarm system in our home. We have contacted the local police and fire and informed them of his problem. We THOUGHT we had covered all bases. Which is why yesterday took me by surprise and shook me to the core!
Yesterday morning after the kids got on the bus I had to run some errands. First stop was to pick something up from a foster family in Des Moines. They happen to live on the corner of one of the busiest streets in Des Moines. All was going great, I stood on the front lawn of the house chatting with the foster mom. Burrito was playing right there with me, he stayed right where he was supposed to the entire time! When it was time to leave I stooped down to his level and explained to him that it was dangerous and he needed to get in the van from the side that was close to the grass. I opened the door watched him climb in. After I saw him get into his carseat I said "Good Job!! Now mommy is coming around to buckle you, OK?" (We drive a 15 passenger van so it is impossible to see around the van). I opened the door to buckle him and he was GONE!!! not only was he not in his car seat, he was NOT IN THE VAN!!!! My heart flip flopped in my chest I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I flew around the back of the van frantically scanning the area, I did not see him. I ran down the sidewalk and there 3 houses down sitting under a tree talking to a puppy sat my Burrito.
The difficult thing is that reasoning does not work, explaining danger is useless as he has no idea what danger is. I scooped him up gave my apologies to the owner of the puppy and walked slowly to the van. Placed him in his carseat and buckled him up.
As I drove on to our next stop I thought a lot about what had happened. So many things could have gone terribly wrong in that moment. I am grateful for the angels that surround him every day.
I do not have an answer, I clearly have not done enough to create a safety plan that will actually keep him safe.
Please, if you are around us and you see Burrito out and away from us, please know he is NOT supposed to be there alone and has likely escaped our safety plan. Help us keep him safe.
Yesterday one of my greatest fears became a reality. Before I tell you the story let me tell you a little about wandering also known as BOLTING ELOPING RUNNING
Elopement, formally defined as leaving an area without supervisor or caregiver’s permission
is prevalent among people with developmental disabilities. Based on a US nation-wide survey conducted in 2011, roughly half of the children with autism attempt to elope
Children with autism are particularly susceptible to elopement as they are unaware of the dangers in the environment into which they wandered.
According to a research done in California in 2001, an increase in the mortality rate among children with autism is related to external accidental causes such as suffocation and drowning, which mainly result from elopement . (info taken from report found at http://www.praxis.uoftengineering.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/esc102-20121-rfp-b-autistic-elopement.pdf)
Yesterday morning after the kids got on the bus I had to run some errands. First stop was to pick something up from a foster family in Des Moines. They happen to live on the corner of one of the busiest streets in Des Moines. All was going great, I stood on the front lawn of the house chatting with the foster mom. Burrito was playing right there with me, he stayed right where he was supposed to the entire time! When it was time to leave I stooped down to his level and explained to him that it was dangerous and he needed to get in the van from the side that was close to the grass. I opened the door watched him climb in. After I saw him get into his carseat I said "Good Job!! Now mommy is coming around to buckle you, OK?" (We drive a 15 passenger van so it is impossible to see around the van). I opened the door to buckle him and he was GONE!!! not only was he not in his car seat, he was NOT IN THE VAN!!!! My heart flip flopped in my chest I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I flew around the back of the van frantically scanning the area, I did not see him. I ran down the sidewalk and there 3 houses down sitting under a tree talking to a puppy sat my Burrito.
The difficult thing is that reasoning does not work, explaining danger is useless as he has no idea what danger is. I scooped him up gave my apologies to the owner of the puppy and walked slowly to the van. Placed him in his carseat and buckled him up.
As I drove on to our next stop I thought a lot about what had happened. So many things could have gone terribly wrong in that moment. I am grateful for the angels that surround him every day.
I do not have an answer, I clearly have not done enough to create a safety plan that will actually keep him safe.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
fostercare and adoption
There are many people who do not understand why we foster and adopt. I really dont expect them to. What do I expect?
I expect people to respect our choices, our ability to make decisions that are best for our family. I expect the same respect I give to them and their family choices. If you choose to have no children 1 child or more, it makes no difference to me. What makes a difference to me is whether or not you provide a loving nurturing environment in which the child(ren) can grow to be amazing adults who love and care for those around them.
I often wonder why people feel they have the right to judge us. Every time we get a new child in our home whether it be for foster or adoption. Why do others feel they have the right to determine when enough is enough?
As a family, we pray together, we seek Gods direction purpose and plan. We NEVER make a decision that is not directed by HIM when it comes to children entering our home.
For very child that we do bring into our home there are several we do not.
You may look at our life and think that we are overwhelmed overloaded or maybe even crazy. But this life works for us. We love having a large family. Ask any one of our children and they will all tell you they have just as much ability to offer an opinion as we do. If any one of our children has worries concerns or is unsure we absolutely do not go forward. After all they are already ours their needs must come first.
We do not ask others to pay our bills. we are not in debt. We do not pass the care of our brood off to friends neighbors or family. When and if we ask you to provide for our children that is when you earn the right to pass judgement on us. Instead I ask. Pray for us. Pray for our children.
God has called each of us to do certain things in life, God has given each of us special gifts that He expects us to use to bring honor to Him. I believe God has called me to be a foster/adoptive mother. I believe He has called me to serve families who are also on this journey. I am working every day to fulfill all He has asked of me. Instead of looking at me in a disapproving way, or scrutinizing my children and family. Remember that You are working just as hard to fulfill all that God has called you to do. That means we are really more alike than different.
I expect people to respect our choices, our ability to make decisions that are best for our family. I expect the same respect I give to them and their family choices. If you choose to have no children 1 child or more, it makes no difference to me. What makes a difference to me is whether or not you provide a loving nurturing environment in which the child(ren) can grow to be amazing adults who love and care for those around them.
I often wonder why people feel they have the right to judge us. Every time we get a new child in our home whether it be for foster or adoption. Why do others feel they have the right to determine when enough is enough?
As a family, we pray together, we seek Gods direction purpose and plan. We NEVER make a decision that is not directed by HIM when it comes to children entering our home.
For very child that we do bring into our home there are several we do not.
You may look at our life and think that we are overwhelmed overloaded or maybe even crazy. But this life works for us. We love having a large family. Ask any one of our children and they will all tell you they have just as much ability to offer an opinion as we do. If any one of our children has worries concerns or is unsure we absolutely do not go forward. After all they are already ours their needs must come first.
We do not ask others to pay our bills. we are not in debt. We do not pass the care of our brood off to friends neighbors or family. When and if we ask you to provide for our children that is when you earn the right to pass judgement on us. Instead I ask. Pray for us. Pray for our children.
God has called each of us to do certain things in life, God has given each of us special gifts that He expects us to use to bring honor to Him. I believe God has called me to be a foster/adoptive mother. I believe He has called me to serve families who are also on this journey. I am working every day to fulfill all He has asked of me. Instead of looking at me in a disapproving way, or scrutinizing my children and family. Remember that You are working just as hard to fulfill all that God has called you to do. That means we are really more alike than different.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Samuel turns 10
Happy birthday Sam!!
Today my sweet Sam turns 10!
It is hard to believe he is the same child that arrived in June of 2003.
He was a sick little guy and so very frail. Each year brings growth and progress!
Sambo....I love you so much and I am so proud of you!
Happy Birthday Buddy!!
August 25
Saturday August 25 was Burrito's 5th birthday!
We celebrated in the evening with ice cream cake and the Fernandez family.
Burrito had a great day! I know this photo is a bit blurry but I love his smile in this one.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
We are not master gardeners by any stretch but we do enjoy our little gardens we have planted this year. We have 2 large boxes and 1 small box in the front yard, several planters scattered about and a salsa garden near the back gate.The children have been very good little farmers this year, pulling weeds, watering, pruning and harvesting. The boys especially love to explore for new little creatures and visitors we have found frogs, toads, lady bugs, caterpillars, butterflies, even a tiny garden snake. Sunday they found this little lady protecting our salsa garden.
the visit
After a long 2 hour 26 minute drive the children all tumbled out of the van stretching and squealing with excitement. Everyone fell into their usual roles and patterns of moving as we arrive at a destination. Isaiah took Spuds, Elijah took Baby J, Amaris grabbed a diaper bag. Sam and Zephan bounced about anxiously waiting for directions. With a deep breath we paused as a family to pray over our visit and ask God to direct and guide us, for God to place His Hand over each of us and to especially hold and comfort the little one we were visiting.
I ushered my family as a disorganized whole through the old cherry wood door of a very old farm house that has been converted over the years into a group home that houses nearly 44 children of all ages, the youngest being 5 the oldest I assume is around 17. As we made our way into the entryway of the home we quickly located a bathroom and one by one began to use the facilities. It seemed to take forever to get through everyone.
As was the case the night before, my mind was jumpy and I found it difficult to concentrate. Lucky for me all I had to do was hold the baby and tell the children where to go. As I stood there pushing children in and out of the bathroom and trying to make sense of it all I heard the creaking of an antique door as it gently swung open I knew without word that the face I was looking at was that of the kind woman I had spent the better part of the last 8 days sharing conversations with over the phone. Her features were as kind and gentle as her voice had been over the phone.She told us they were ready whenever we were and it was fine to take our time. As the last of the kiddos finished up in the bathroom I reviewed in my mind what I might say or do when we finally entered the room for our first meeting. A wave of nerves worked its way up and made my heart jitter. As I had a couple hours earlier, I imagined again what it would be like to be her. To have lost so much in my young life of 10 years, to be stuck in a home for kids where I do not fit, to desperately want a family but to know that my reality was that families are not safe places to be. To be a little girl who suddenly after all these months of waiting and wondering I learn a family wants to visit me. How would I feel? And my heart shook a little for her. So again, for what felt like the millionth time I prayed for her. Almost as soon as I whispered amen it was time.
We walked through the heavy antique door and moved our way into a large meeting room on the left. In the middle of the room was a large mahogany table surrounded by a dozen chairs and across the table sat a little girl with her adult friend. She sat closely enough to her friend to feel supported but not quite close enough for physical touch. Her brown hair fell gently down around her shoulders and framed her palish face softly. The chocolate color of her hair made the sea foam green of her eyes more vivid. Although her eyes were bright and clear, they were years older than her chronological age. When she spoke she had a quiet but confident voice. She introduced herself and told us things she loves and hates. She proudly announced she had been studying our photos and paragraphs and produced lovely little name tags she had made for each of us to wear. She mingled with the children, offered snacks, asked questions and answered ours. We went on a tour of the home. The reality of how she lives shook me to the core and looking around at each of my children I could see they felt the same. Her bedding was worn thin and appeared to be years old. I wondered how many children it had covered over the years. She had one average sized tub of personal belongings a small rock collection, some beads and remote controlled car that a peer had stolen the controller to. She proudly showed us her new school shoes and socks. As I studied her every move I noticed her little hands were shaking constantly. her little voice had a quiver.
I had to fight the urge to scoop her up and hold her close, to rock her and smooth her hair and whisper promises that everything will be OK. That we will keep her safe and love her forever and no matter what. I felt the deepest sorrow knowing I could not bring comfort to this child. We made our way back to the meeting room where lunch was served. The children played a game and then the time came for goodbye.
I got a high five and a smile. It settled down into my heart that this was all she could do. and for her that was HUGE.
As I looked in her eyes for the last time I knew with everything in me that she would someday become my daughter. I knew because in that short visit she made herself comfortable in the corners of my heart. And I knew I already loved her.
We all piled into the van. Unusual silence filled the air. One by one we asked each child what they thought of the visit. And One by one they all expressed the same feelings that were growing in my heart. We all knew with out many words. We prayed again.
Now we wait. To be chosen by a little girl who has lost everything, has nothing, is quite possibly the strongest most beautiful human being I have ever had the honor to meet.
pray for her. pray for the adults in her life. pray for us as we wait.
I ushered my family as a disorganized whole through the old cherry wood door of a very old farm house that has been converted over the years into a group home that houses nearly 44 children of all ages, the youngest being 5 the oldest I assume is around 17. As we made our way into the entryway of the home we quickly located a bathroom and one by one began to use the facilities. It seemed to take forever to get through everyone.
As was the case the night before, my mind was jumpy and I found it difficult to concentrate. Lucky for me all I had to do was hold the baby and tell the children where to go. As I stood there pushing children in and out of the bathroom and trying to make sense of it all I heard the creaking of an antique door as it gently swung open I knew without word that the face I was looking at was that of the kind woman I had spent the better part of the last 8 days sharing conversations with over the phone. Her features were as kind and gentle as her voice had been over the phone.She told us they were ready whenever we were and it was fine to take our time. As the last of the kiddos finished up in the bathroom I reviewed in my mind what I might say or do when we finally entered the room for our first meeting. A wave of nerves worked its way up and made my heart jitter. As I had a couple hours earlier, I imagined again what it would be like to be her. To have lost so much in my young life of 10 years, to be stuck in a home for kids where I do not fit, to desperately want a family but to know that my reality was that families are not safe places to be. To be a little girl who suddenly after all these months of waiting and wondering I learn a family wants to visit me. How would I feel? And my heart shook a little for her. So again, for what felt like the millionth time I prayed for her. Almost as soon as I whispered amen it was time.
We walked through the heavy antique door and moved our way into a large meeting room on the left. In the middle of the room was a large mahogany table surrounded by a dozen chairs and across the table sat a little girl with her adult friend. She sat closely enough to her friend to feel supported but not quite close enough for physical touch. Her brown hair fell gently down around her shoulders and framed her palish face softly. The chocolate color of her hair made the sea foam green of her eyes more vivid. Although her eyes were bright and clear, they were years older than her chronological age. When she spoke she had a quiet but confident voice. She introduced herself and told us things she loves and hates. She proudly announced she had been studying our photos and paragraphs and produced lovely little name tags she had made for each of us to wear. She mingled with the children, offered snacks, asked questions and answered ours. We went on a tour of the home. The reality of how she lives shook me to the core and looking around at each of my children I could see they felt the same. Her bedding was worn thin and appeared to be years old. I wondered how many children it had covered over the years. She had one average sized tub of personal belongings a small rock collection, some beads and remote controlled car that a peer had stolen the controller to. She proudly showed us her new school shoes and socks. As I studied her every move I noticed her little hands were shaking constantly. her little voice had a quiver.
I had to fight the urge to scoop her up and hold her close, to rock her and smooth her hair and whisper promises that everything will be OK. That we will keep her safe and love her forever and no matter what. I felt the deepest sorrow knowing I could not bring comfort to this child. We made our way back to the meeting room where lunch was served. The children played a game and then the time came for goodbye.
I got a high five and a smile. It settled down into my heart that this was all she could do. and for her that was HUGE.
As I looked in her eyes for the last time I knew with everything in me that she would someday become my daughter. I knew because in that short visit she made herself comfortable in the corners of my heart. And I knew I already loved her.
We all piled into the van. Unusual silence filled the air. One by one we asked each child what they thought of the visit. And One by one they all expressed the same feelings that were growing in my heart. We all knew with out many words. We prayed again.
Now we wait. To be chosen by a little girl who has lost everything, has nothing, is quite possibly the strongest most beautiful human being I have ever had the honor to meet.
pray for her. pray for the adults in her life. pray for us as we wait.
This sweet boy is a mystery. If anything is rare or unheard of you can bet it will happen to him. He has had so many struggles already and he is only 10 months old (on Sept 3). I took him in to visit our ENT for a second post op check up for the tubes he had in June. One tube has come out completely and the other one is not doing its job. Next week we will be going in for a new set of tubes, which in a normal child's life would not be a big deal but in the life of our little Spuds it has great potential of becoming a big deal quickly. He has asthma, floppy airway disease, and has a low tolerance to anesthesia. again in an average child with these issues they might have ONE but our little guy has so many things going on in his little body that we don't even understand yet. I am scared to have him sedated again. Last time was a very scary and difficult time. I understand we need to do this in order to discover if he has a hearing impairment that will require hearing aids or if he just struggles with fluid and infection. This is a very important thing to learn and I will go through with it. I am just so afraid of him being put to sleep again. So if you would, please take a few minutes each day to say a little prayer for my Spuds.
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