grow where you are planted.

It is interesting how the seasons in my life change and return much like fall to winter into spring and then summer. I drift in and out of certain seasons more than others. I have been wrestling with a lot of internal things lately. Questioning my place in this world, questioning if I even make a difference. I don't necessarily have what if syndrome because I truly have few regrets. there are just a couple things I would do over if given the chance but then I think I would not be the woman I am today had things gone a different direction. I think of a movie when the main characters somehow find themselves back in time then one of them inevitably does something that alters the future. I can not imagine my now or my future being with out the people I dearly love so I know going back and changing a regret would alter that I am not interested thank you very much. But it does lead me to question a lot of things. I have found myself since my birthday in this season. I have suffered great loss. The woman I call Mommee who taught more than I could express in words how to be a LADY how to be a mommee. That loss cut deeply into my soul. I have yet to get on strong footing from that loss. Her loss has left me feeling more home sick than ever before. It amazed me walking into her house after all these years and still feeling the warmth of her love lingering there. Being embraced and welcomed and loved by so many people I have called family for much of my life but in reality they are not my family. I miss that, I realize had I raised this family there my children would want or need for nothing. They would have a huge village wrapped around them loving them through life. There have been other stresses in my life since my birthday. So I found myself wondering about why I am here now not here on earth but here in position. Dropz of Hope has been changing and that causes deep sadness in my heart. I have a vision that I believe is a God-given vision for Dropz of hope and I can not figure out what is going on and why we are at this cross road. There are so many needs we should be filling and yet change interferes with action and nothing is done.

I found myself about a week ago or so crying out to God asking, no, begging for direction confirmation anything that would give me an idea of what I am supposed to do.

I was filing through old papers and out slipped some notes I had taken at a womens tea. the title was GROW WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED. I slowly picked it up and read through the notes. I knew my answer was thread through the words on that page. God plants us where He needs us not necessarily where we want to be. or where we think we should be. He plants us where He sees fit. Sometimes we have to learn to adapt to surroundings that are foreign to us. In this time and season in life I feel I have been planted in a place that looks exactly like the photo above. I hope when people look at me they see something even a little similar to the beauty of the flower blooming in that photo. Because no matter the season no matter the circumstance no matter my thoughts and desires I want more than anything to BLOOM in beauty and grow strongly for Him where He choses for me to be planted. and that was enough. I don't need to know why. I just need to know it was intentional by Him and now I will work to that end. Blooming is slow and hard work but I am getting there.