at the end of the day, Im just a white girl.

I know this sounds silly to most people. But, I have never considered people in terms of color or class or anything else. People are People. Ever since I can remember I have enjoyed and loved people in general. I was never one to fall into one click or another. I had a friend or 2 in many different groups. If anything defined me at all it would have been that I didn't have many girl friends. I have never had the ability to understand the whole hormonal moody snarky thing. I was raised with mostly boys and raised by a father who would never put up with drama of any kind.
The most formative years of my life were from 16-23 I had not lived a typical life and had many heartaches and losses. In general by the age of 16 I didn't trust anyone outside of my little household.
I remember one day sitting on a grassy hill at the edge of the "Duck Pond" I did that a lot those days, I would walk and inevitably end up at the duck pond thinking over things. I would sit under this huge old weeping willow tree and write endless pages of the things of my heart. This particular day I met Joslyn. At the time I had no clue that God would bond us together more like sisters than friends He would carry us through life's joys and sorrows together. Joslyn's Mom became mine, her grandmom became my grandmom. I became a part of a family so loving and large that a miraculous thing  took place. My heart began to heal and I learned how to trust again.
I am going to be 45 years old in October and have been an 'adopted' member of Joslyn's family since I was 16. Mommee and My Otter Motter took me to church and introduced me to the God who created me. Those 2 women loved me no matter what through so much! Because of them I survived the loss of my Daddy. Because of them everything I do, think, or speak, every attitude I have I first think of them and what their response would be if they were with me.
Over the years it never occurred to me that they were African American and I was not. What did occur to me was that they LOVED me. and I love them. With all I have and all I am I know I am a part of their family. When I travel home to visit or for a funeral or for any reason, a peace flows over me and I know I am in the one place where I will always be loved no matter what.
It is THIS foundation that makes days like today so difficult. Journeys like Saturdays so impossible for me to understand. I have never had to work so hard to prove myself work so hard to earn trust. I have never been told that I am white so the person automatically does not trust me. The joke growing up was that Angela was not white she was gray, and completely color blind. I refuse to join the ranks of the world who sees in color. I refuse to join EITHER side who judges before knowing. I would rather live in my color blind world and love others with the heart God gave me, the heart my father nurtured and my 2 'adoptive mothers' molded.
I was told today by a woman I respect one I am working to help that "at the end of the day, Angela, you are still just a white girl and no one is gonna trust you. You have to walk through the fire hear all their STUFF and IF you are still standing there at the end. then MAYBE you will gain their trust...maybe."
sigh....
Pray for me cuz I am not going anywhere, I was taught better than that and plan to live out this legacy of love that I was so richly blessed with.

Mommee and Joslyn