Last night I could not sleep. I was worried because Madison was not sleeping. She had a busy and emotional day and I was worried so I sat up on the computer until the wee hours. One of my dear friends, Deb, was also on line because she was sitting in the ER with her son. Deb is one of those friends that you know is always there. You pray for her, she prays for you yet you rarely have the time to sit and visit. Last night was one of those rare moments when we were able to chat. I am so grateful for the time because the words she shared with me touched me deeply and forced me to alter my thoughts. Which is a good thing! She hesitated to share because I think she didnt want to hurt my feelings. Which brought to mind the song "Say" by John Mayer. I needed to hear what Deb had to say and I am so thankful she was brave enough to share. I had no idea Deb reads my blog after reading it yesterday she felt she needed to share this with me~
D~ I thought about something our pastor's husband said once when he was preaching. He was saying what if our calling is exactly where we are right now and what if we lived our life as if this is exactly where God intended for us to be.
What if instead of figuring out what lesson you were supposed to be learning with Madison, what if God simply put this plan together for you to be her Mom, her advocate, her protector. What if it's the lessons she's learning and this is exactly where God is intending for you to be.
The "what if" of this moment hung all night in the hallways of my heart and bounced about in my thoughts. What if Deb is right. What if this is part of my calling? What if God planned it exactly like this all along? What if this is less about me and more about a beautiful daughter and her journey? 
I know I will be pondering these "what ifs" a lot in the coming days.
Thanks Deb for caring enough to listen when you were promplted to tell me what your thoughts were. I needed to hear your words and the words of that man.