I have taken this time to sort out the flurries of my heart. As many of you know Madison is away. I have so hoped this would help her. I believe she can get better and hope for that daily. I guess what I have been struggling with is more myself and less her.
For 13 years I have done everything within my power to help her. I have searched and found professionals to help. I have driven hundreds and hundreds of miles to doctors appointments. I have studied so I can be at least as smart as the professionals sitting at the table of her IEP meetings. I have prayed thousands of prayers. cried millions of tears. fought, screamed kept silent.....
I finally get it....its not up to me. I am not in the drivers seat. There are times I feel as though I am not even in the car...The thing is, its not up to anyone but HER. Madison must choose to respond. choose to take the necessary steps to get better. Here is the thing she may decide not too. She just might decide this is not what she wants and when she turns 18 walk....I hope not. I pray not. But ultimately the choice is hers.
Today it dawned on me....I don't have to like it. I don't have to be happy about it. I just have to accept it.
Its not up to me. Its not BECAUSE of me either!!
Now that I have this cleared up I can think a little more clearly. I am not any happier about the situation. But at least I know I have done all I can do and its just not up to me anymore....
No comments:
Post a Comment