As I pulled into the drive a familiar sense of peace mingled with love fell around me calming my world into a sweet melody. The sound of the crunching gravel beneath the tires of the truck. I slowed the truck to a crawl and took in the familiar sights. Grampa's purple orchids growing along the backside of the tool shed, the basement windows, the stump of the old pear tree, the burn pile smoldering at the back end of the property made me almost expect to see Grampa poking around back there. I parked, jumped down from the truck and just as my feet hit the ground I turned and caught a glimpse of the back porch where Gramma and I have spent countless hours over the course of my life time sitting, sometimes deep in conversation, sometimes surrounded simply by eachothers presence and the peacefulness of nothing. I stood there for only a few moments drinknig in the feast of memories my senses were experiencing.
As I walked up the porch steps I noticed they still creak in all the same places, I miss Grammas chair. The dumpster on the side of the porch assaults my tender memories but is necessary for the chores of this day. I open the door and smile at the small detail that has always been...their door opens backwards to any other door I have ever entered...funny...
Then it hit me. Like a wall. Stopped me dead in my tracks. I closed my eyes, took a slow deep breath, and stood there completely still for several minutes. The smell of Gramma's house. A thought flashed through my mind...wonder if it would be possible to bottle up the smell of Gramma's house and keep it forever. I would open it on my tough days when all I needed was one of our porch talks. It would bring all the love and comfort I would ever need. Standing there just inside the door I could feel her arms wrapping around me. I could see grampa lying on the floor with the fly swatter in hand, resting.
As I slowly meander through the house it looks so different now that all the familiar furnishings are gone. I giggle at the small details I would of never missed, that somehow people have left behinde. The hallway of memories, by the door hanging on the wall are picture frames of family memebers each one present in photo form.
I notice other things remain and some are missing. A sadness comes over me. Although I feel their presence...it seems wrong for people to be wandering about the house when Gramma is not here. I notice one uncle still has his shoes on and chuckle silently to myself as I look at my sock covered feet. Even today I take my shoes off at the door.
As we sit on the floor sifting through the small moments that when added together create the lives and love and legacy that is my heritage I am overwhelmed by gratefullness for all they have given to me. I am not speaking of monetary giftings...wisdom, faith, unconditional love are the gifts I have recieved from my grand parents. These are the same gifts I desire to pass on to my children. I find small treasures a golden compact engraved with my grandmothers name "Edythe Kellogg" I hold it gently in my hand and try to imagine what she was like when she was young and courting Grampa...and I smile again.
This day was filled with moments just like these. Finding great grandmas quilting boxes, an old family Bible, grampas baseballs and golf balls and ties...grammas rubberbands...a box of valentines from 1954 to billy and dickie and jack...
When the day was done and I was stepping into the truck to leave a thought crossed my mind....my family legacy lies within the walls of this old house I pray God will find a way for us to keep it in the family...just being here I can feel the walls are saturated with years of unconditional love that has taught me how to live...I am so grateful for the precious gift I recieved.

rain

Rain...
a cleansing refreshing process. to stand out in the rain and feel the drops gently wash over me. carrying away all the heaviness that has covered me.
When I was a child and even a teenager I loved to stand in the rain. I loved the feeling of the drops slowly come down around me eventually building into a downpour.
Somehow along the way as I grew into adulthood the rain began to represent sadness for me. And increase the heaviness of my soul.
I woke in the wee hours of the morning to hear the steady pounding of heavy rain upon the window and the thought occurred to me. Maybe it was the combination of sleepiness still enveloping me and the smell drifting through my window that brought back memories of standing in the rain. As I lay there lost in thought and memory I realized that even the other day the rain brought with it a melancholy sort of mood for me.
I took in a long smooth deep fill your lungs up kind of breath and was transported back to a time when rain was refreshing and soothing to my soul. The memories this evoked brought a smile to my sleepy face. As I drfited back into dream land I decided I would embrce the rain today.
As I sit here listening to the gentle patter of drops on the window I feel peaceful and happy. If it were not so cold I would go out and stand in the rain and allow its refreshing to fall down around me.
I was reminded of how God is like the rain pouring out his love and refreshing me daily...
Song Lyrics

Let the rain of Your presence
Fall on me
Every day that I live
With every breath I breathe
Let the rain of Your presence
Fall on me
Everywhere that I go
Lord let Your presence flow
Rain on me

Love divine
Joy unspeakable
Overflowing in my soul
This heart of mine
Is refreshed and at rest
In Your presence
In Your presence

© 1994 Praise on the Rock

“Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.”
Love shows up in many different forms.
One can't help but to be filled with love, awe and wonder at the site of a precious baby.
God's love...
Puppy love....
first love..
child's love...
love of a friend...
compassionate love...
unconditional love...
tough love...
love between a parent and child...
No matter the form it arrives, the root of love should always be God. Then nothing can break it down, nothing can overcome it, love will remain standing to the end...

I must admit, I began my day feeling a little sorry for myself and sad. Sorry for all the troubles in my life as of late. Sad because this is the first Mothers Day since Dominique was born that I did not spend Mothers Day with ALL of my children.
As the day went along my mood slowly lifted. Dominique called to wish me a happy day and tell me how much he loves me. I was unable to speak with Madison today, but thought of her a lot throughout my day.
As I walked through the foyer of church I was reminded of some very special people who are 'like' mothers to me. Dorothy. Karen. Wanda. Suzie.
Then I thought of the women who have drifted in and out of my life and because of them, I am the mom I am today. Mommee. My Otter Motter. Mozelle.
And I thought of all the mothers days throughout my life so far. How my dad always made a big deal of the day. To him, Mothers Day was the most important day of the year. He truly honored and celebrated his mother. We always had BBQ's with all the family gathered in the yard. Planting flowers together when family was no longer around.
I thought of my Gramma. And how over the years she has treated me more as a daughter than a grand daughter and how she has shown me how to be a godly woman and a good mom. She ahs always been there for me no matter what. without fail!
Then i ran into a man at Wal Mart. Haven't seen him or any of his family in a long time. We had what I thought would be a casual hi how are ya doing kind of conversation. Are you ever prepared for the answer...as good as can be expected...His wife left him and the children 8 months ago. They have heard nothing from her since. All afternoon I have thought of that family. Those children and how they must feel today.
I thought of the little girl in my Sunday School class whose mom died unexpectedly a few months ago. And wondered how she was doing today. and said a prayer for her.
I thought of my friend whose son died a few months ago. This is her first Mothers Day without her son. and I prayed for her.
I thought of my friend who desperately wants to be a mom and hasn't been blessed...YET...and I prayed for her.
And I realized. I am blessed. I am blessed with many women who over the years have taught me to be a good mom. I am blessed with children whom I love dearly and they love me. They make me laugh and cry. They make me cheer and scream. I have experienced every feeling and emotion possible this past year as a mom. I have had a few victories and a few failures. But at the end of this Mothers Day I know I am a blessed Mother. God is good. I do not have to have all 7 of them in the same place at the same time to know that I love them and they love me.
So today I reflected. I prayed. I am thankful. The kids and I went and planted flowers for my mom in her yard. I planted flowers here and thought of my dad...funny thing to think on Mothers Day HUH!?

I apologize for not updating yesterday. It was a long day with a long drive at the end. Then I was swamped with house and kid stuff to do when I got home. Scott broke a tooth yesterday at lunch and ended up having it pulled while I was on the road so I arrived home to a drugged up Scott and kids running a muck without dinner etc...etc...etc...nuff said about that!
The drive home yesterday was the first time EVER that I actually was so sleepy I had to stop buy coffee and walk around a while. I have driven a lot of places and for much longer stretches many times. I have never become sleepy while driving. It was a bit scary for me.
Here is what we learned in a nut shell from the orthopedic surgeon.
Isaiah grew another 2 inches! Incredible considering 4 inches ago we all thought he was done growing. Curvatures are within the stable zone so we decided no surgery yet. Here is where it gets complicated. With his syndrome his spinal issues are degenerative which means progressively over time the get worse. Just part of the deal. So the big question is do you do fusion when he is stable and still growing or do you wait until he is done growing and run the risk of having too much deterioration to do anything surgically that will be of help. Right now waiting is the best option so we will wait.
We also learned that his bones grow at a much faster rate than his muscles and tendons which is causing problems with his hips legs and feet. We visited with PT and learned some exercises that may or may not help in tricking his muscles and tendons to stretch and think they are growing. funny to think you can trick a muscle or tendon to behave the way it should....wish I could trick my kids that way! ;0)We also met with orthotics and had some inserts ordered for his feet because the opposite is happening with his feet muscles they are not strong enough to support the natural arch in his feet. We are hoping the inserts help so we do not have to do braces.
God is still working....He is still in control...
Happy Mothers Day to me NO SURGERY!!!!!!!!!! this summer! the best gift ever!

Isaiah is a champ! The testing he goes through is tough for anyone, he chose to go through it all awake. He is my hero! I do not know any adult who would go through all that awake without complaining. at all! Awake means no needles. no needles is great in his world.
We met with his neuro surgeon this afternoon after the testing was complete. I wish I could upload the scans on here...amazing to look at to say the least. Even more amazing to me is the changes that have occurred over the past few months. The last scans showed the cyste growing round, like a little ball in the center of his spinal cord. one side of the cyste had attached to the interior wall of his cord. The cyste continues to grow and has increased in size. The amazing part is that it has changed shape. It is now growing elongated and is no longer attached to the interior wall of the cord. Great news because this means no neuro surgery this summer. Even better than that is the doctor explained that as long as the cyste continues to grow in the manner it is we may not have to do that surgery for up to 5 years. So the plan is to continue as we have. Monitor, be careful, report any changes and PRAY PRAY PRAY!! God is hearing our prayers for Isaiah and is answering them little by little.
One more stepping stone in our journey towards complete healing. Best of all is that God is using Isaiah to change lives of doctors, nurses, therapists and many others. Toad used to call Isaiah his "walking testimony" I bet he never realized how very true this name would become!
Following the appointment we headed off to the Mall of America. Isaiah bought his new Lego and ice cream and we were headed back to the hotel. My kind of man....he hates shopping as much as I do! Know what you want, know where to get it, get it and GO!!
He took a swim when we returned to the hotel. We had breakfast for dinner at Denny's which is conveniently located right next door. Now he is happily building his new Lego.
I am so very proud of Isaiah and his bravery!!! We have more testing in the morning and then will meet with his orthopedic surgeon to see about that surgery.
Thanks again for all the prayers. We feel them and God is listening!

an asthma attack, the dentist, tantrums and a road trip

I began my by having to call the doctor to have Dominique's asthma meds called into the pharmacy by his college campus. He had an asthma attack yesterday and had a difficult time breathing all night. Meds ordered, paid for, picked up and now he is doing better! Thanks to Dr. and his nurse for calling Maryland!!
Then it was off to the dentist for the 5 who are still at home. Good news for all. Some new teeth coming in, some old ones getting loose, even the Burrito got his turn in the chair. Judging from his reaction.....I would have to say he did not enjoy the experience!
Then it was off to the library to pick up some books on CD for the trip to MN. The store for last minute items for home and the road. Home to finish packing and we were on our way around 445.
We did good time wise and arrived at our hotel at 9pm. Tomorrow will be a long day for Isaiah. He has tests most of the day then if he is feeling up to it our reward trip to lego land.
The Burrito has been throwing tantrums lately and decided today would be a great day to try one out on Dad....um...I am praying I still have a Baby Burrito when I get back. He screamed for nearly 2 hours this evening when he woke up and realized I was gone. UGH!
A huge thanks goes out to Wendi and Trudy for helping out with my tantrum throwing Burrito while Scott goes to work the next couple days.
If the internet cooperates tomorrow, I will update after our testing and reward.

Friday we went with the elementary school on a trip to the Omaha zoo. The day was nice, good weather and all the monsters had a great time. Only one problem, I forgot the camera! BLAH!
Tomorrow I take 5 of the monsters to the dentist in the morning, finish packing in the afternoon and right after school Isaiah and I are off to the hospital in MN for his testing and meetings with his team of doctors. This is always a stressful time for me as I can never decide how I feel about the whole thing. I wish we could either have a 100% perfect report or have surgery scheduled. Living somewhere in the middle is quite unnerving for me. It is not that I WANT him to have surgery...I just want to know what is going to happen. I want to be able to walk through the day not wondering if he will be injured or if today is the day his neurological functions will bottom out and we will officially be an emergency. I can handle bad news we have traveled that road plenty, I would dance for joy with good news. I hate the realm of unknown territory. So Early Tuesday morning we check in for testing which always takes 2 days. not full days but it is too much for one day. And of course his reward as always will be a trip to MOA for a visit to Lego Land. He has saved money again and is anticipating the purchase of his new Star Wars set. Wednesday after testing we will meet with the team and learn what the plan is now.
Scott had to rearrange his work schedule so he could get kids on the bus, Zephan will be passed between 2 households. Tuesday he will be with Wendi and Wednesday he will be with Trudy. Thanks Abby for backing me up I will have Scott call you if something happens.
Tonight is the Kids choir program at church. Samuel and Amaris are excited to preform.
It was nice to have Philip home for a couple days. We went shopping and picked his suit for Nathan's wedding. He flew out this morning for Ontario. The kids love it when he is home even when it is for just a couple days. While he was home we planned our road-trip to Philly. Things are falling into place for that it is nice to have a travel partner and someone to help with the finances too!
I will post updates if I have internet access in MN. Thanks for the prayers...as always!